My son is a compulsive gambler

I told my mates myself but i wanted to quit so it's different. I'm trying to think what id do if my mates mum told me to help. I think id have to have a go at my mate and tell him to stop worrying his mum and I'd tell him to quit. But you never know how it pans out. It's a toughie.

Your very right half life it isn't all about the way they feel, the effect their self inflicted addiction has on family is soul destroying! The fact that he seems hardened to the facts of his actions to himself and me is upsetting. It's like he doesn't care what he says or how he says it. I know it's an illness I know he has to want to stop himself and see the problem he's making for himself. I am definitely not going to give him any more money to bail him like I have done and I will still approach the situation with him daily wether he likes it or not.

Hi,

Hope today has been, in relative terms, better for you rather than worse.

I've already said on your other thread that I would tell the gf, (but that's just my opinion), for the reasons you said and also because he will see that you regard it as a serious problem and you are acting accordingly. When in denial, my husband was quite shocked when I told him about my first appointment at GamCare.

Take care,

CW

Hi cw, because son is at friends for the day/night I find myself going over and over things with my husband to the point he has said he needs a rest from it today. He finds it easier to switch off from situations easier than me, I'm the kind of person that it's on my mind every minute of the day thinking about how I can fix, help, make a plan to help my son. Hope you have had a good day.

I'd really recommend a GamAnon meeting, you can go with or without your husband.

CW

CW just checked nearest meeting location, 55 miles away, they must think only people in cities gamble ha

Yes, it's spread a bit thin in places. Is the 55 miles actually prohibitive? In driving time on a motorway, it's a bit over an hour each way. Or is there an email address? They may have on line facilities?

CW

I won't be driving it takes an hour to just get to the motorway where I live then over another hour to the location. Our area have been hit badly by floods this weekend poor people. Have kept an eye on sons gambling this weekend shows no gambling since the 3rd but bank balance has decreased so will look tomorrow when transactions have been updated. I feel sneaky looking at his bank balance but he knows I have access to it. I was in chat room last night and said I was going to write letters to firms to self exclude, pretending to be my son. Someone said that was being devious. Mmmmm it yes but it's also called protecting and fighting for your child..

You have every right to feel angry and protective about your son, we all want to protect our kids but I don't think your way will work, I feel it might drive him into further denial and gamble more.

You have stepped on his secretive and personal ground.

My advice again is to let him now dig his own hole, nothing you do or say will help until he admits he needs help.

You are crusifying yourself trying to make it better for your son, jeez we all want our kids to have a happy good life,

This addiction will only come to a halt when your son wants to, nothing you do or say will change him, he has to do this himself.

I feel you are torturing yourself, don't this is not your fault, listen to your husband, just my thoughts again,

I just feel you are trying to fight something that is only down to your sons choice.

You must look after you, two wrongs don't make a right.

Take care of you now. your son will,sort this out when he is ready too.

Suzanne xx

Thankyou Suzanne I hear what you say. Just hard isn't it having to sit and wait for that moment when he wants the help. Thankyou though.

Hi WCID, fantastic news about your father 🙂

I understand your frustration with your son but it doesn't matter how many barriers you put up, until your son accepts he has a problem, he will find a way round them all so there's no point doing something that could get you into trouble! I'm not sure why you feel the need to keep it all in but having tried & failed @ every approach with my mum I can tell you that yelling gets you no-where 🙁

I followed my mum into gambling @ a very young age & sadly have not figured out how to get her to follow me into recovery! Despite losing her homes, her relationships, her friends, stealing from us (family jewellery, cash from my wardrobe whilst I was ill in bed) & then lying about it, log book loans to name but a few, she still can't see that she has a problem. All I have managed to do is come to a financial agreement with her (she had no choice, she burned her bridges sofa surfing) so that her bills are paid...She needs psychological help but I can't get her that 🙁 Your only option for your son is tough love...Decide what you are prepared to accept & then stick to it! No 'please & thank you for sorting out my mess mum' may not be reason to kick him out but it is reason to expect that he treats you with respect & pays you back what he owes @ a rate that is affordable!

It will be easy to lose sight of this but whilst fighting for your son, don't forget to look after you! Maybe sound off @ the Gamcare advisors if your husband is struggling to take it all in? Addiction makes us arrogant & foolish, I hope your boy figures out just how much he is hurting himself & everyone around him soon & gets himself the help he needs whilst you still have this strength in you to fight like a dog for him! I wish my mum cared like you do!

Look after you - ODAAT

Aww bless you Odatt what a sad situation for you, but well done to you for facing up to the facts of gambling and well done and good luck for your recovery. Sounds like your mum needs a lot of help, I do feel compassion for cg but also frustration that they cannot see the light. Looks like your mum has reached her rock bottom by loosing houses but still cannot face stopping. I'm sorry as a child and adult you have had to go through this illness with yourself and your mum. Thankyou for your advice, I have told him I am stepping back financially, i will continue to monitor his bank. even before I knew about the problem I have sat down with him and worked his finances but he always seemed to go back to square one, now we know why, dad is going to take over in that department now and set some boundaries. It's such a shame to watch someone you love do this to themselves. I live in hope he will beat this addiction. I would never really throw him out I'm just so frustrated with him. I really hope your mum gets the help she needs you are admirable for putting up with it all. That's what families do though. Pull together in tough times. You take care! x

Do recovering cg struggle with social side of gambling for example going to the races with friends or holidays such as Vegas. Are these places/situations that you will never be able to put yourself in.

Hi What Can I Do

I would second that. The only way to recovery fully and break the mental obession is complete abstinence, in my experience.

You have to accept gambling isn't something you can do again, and that includes spending time in gambling environments or associating with heavy gamblers.

At the end of this year, I'll be two years into recovery. I drew a line in the sand and haven't bought a lottery ticket, entered competitions, took part in raffles or prize draws, or signed up for any fantasy football or predict a score competition. It's a discipline thing - you keep your life as simple as possible and steer clear of anything that risks the obsession returning.

My goodness, I wasn't expecting that, you really are too kind! No praise should be sent my way but yes, families do have to pull together! Doesn't make it any less frustrating though & that's from the idiot who spent nearly 3 decades self destructing!

As for the other stuff, there will be plenty of takes on it but I imagine the party line is to avoid them @ all costs...Along the adage of 'if you hang around long enough in a Barber's shop, you'll eventually get a cut!' I am very early on in my recovery & still @ the arrogant stage where although I know I can never touch a slot machine again, I still do the lottery occasionally & pretend it doesn't affect me! I have never bet on sports/animals (except The Grand National as a kid) but there are people who stop one type & jump straight across to something else & if truth be told I have had more issues with lottery urges than anything else! There are people on here who have gone to the races & not placed a bet & I rarely gambled the times I have been to Las Vegas because there is so much to do there however, I would not choose to go again. If I ended up there (only thing I can think @ the mo is my niece/nephew getting married there) I would not carry a purse!

Sounds crazy telling a loved one this because it's a recovery tool for us but try not to look too far ahead @ the what ifs & what might be, One Day At A Time is how we must take our journey & I guess since recovery is for everyone around us, that's the best place for you too...Taking care of you in the here & now - ODAAT