Ok here goes, i have been reading this forum for a few months now, always after a heavy gambling loss and i get the 'thats me done head on' (thats one similarity right?) read a few storys then go to sleep (just).
Same things happened except this time im going to post some experiences, hopefully to feel better for getting it off my chest and also to maybe help you guys in your own personal, yet samey struggles.
Im a 25 year old male, decent enough job, great girlfriend, family and all the rest of it. Yet one big secret. roulette. It all started for me as soon as i turned 18 i also had a friend who enjoyed gambling so we hit the FOBTs on a saturday, then on a weekday, then everyday...losing a 10er used to make me feel awful but as you all know it soon escalates and before you know it you are looking back at your life picking out moments you wish you could jump in the delorion and travel back to, however there is no magic time portal, there are only cruel lessons and NO second chances, what is done cannot be undone, it can't even really be learned from in this game, because you are disgusted for maybe 24-48 hours then you start coming round and BAM there goes another deposit.
I like many of you are living a massive lie, im around 13k in debt despite still managing to keep up a good credit rating, however my debts take up a large chunk of my salary, i am working, working working to pay off mistakes, pay off black numbers that should have been reds, and all those times that the number next to the one your praying for comes in. ridiculous. I went from playing FOBT's to joining an online casino, aswell as going to a real casino. The thing was i had countless lessons in the casino to learn a lesson, losing 100 and going home feeling sick, But setting up online is the downfall of us all i think, if i had 500 cash would i smash a roulette table, no where near as easy as i do online with those pixel chips, ive just lost another 750 tonight, despite winning it all back and going 40 up, but why can we never be satisfied? why are we so greedy? its like your sat next to your own self screaming stop yet the person your watching is some possessed lunatic, then when the balance hits 0 he just disapears and leaves you to pick up the pieces.
2 weeks ago another prime example, i turned a 100 free bonus into around 6000. yes 6000 off a free 100, i had to wager the bonus so i couldnt withdraw until i had, by that point i was at 2000, a withdrawable 2000, i was buzzing, even though i was still in debt it was a massive weight off my shoulders, then i saw 3500, withdrew some, kept playing up and down for days, then worked out i was +1600 in credit on my credit card from starting at around -4000. how could i possibly be so lucky to be 5600 up, every spin i touched just rolled in, i felt invincible, then the crash came....deposits and bets of 250-500 a time, then i was back to where i started, now i am a further 1500 worse of than when i started, i kick myself everyday, why didnt i take a break? why didn't i withdraw and then lock my account so i couldnt enable 'the curse of the reverse' all if's and buts. Im sure many of you can relate, think of a time in your head when you were in a good place, mentaly and financially, you'de give anything to go back there for another chance right? but would anything be different? wouldn't the demon in you re surface and take control? now im sat here like a loser, placing my last 40 on a football acca for tomorrow that has next to no chance of winning but it makes me feel better that i still have a chance of winning a large sum back, another similarity? you don't feel the pain of the loss until you hit absolute 0, even when you have 40 left from 750 it isnt over until its over right?
I consider myself a strong person, can shake anything off, wouldnt ever do anything stupid over money, but i am scared to death about losing my girlfriend, of my family finding out, my friends, the whole embarassment of saying ive lost all my hard earned money to what is the equivalent of flipping a coin and betting hundreds of pounds on it being heads, essentially what it is, but would you? no! i keep thinking of ways to say ive lost all the money, a loss on the stock market has been in my head the past few days, but then i think thats living yet another lie? and does that make it ok? will my girlfriend be fine with me when i say i cant move out in the new year because i lost 10k+ to some oil company i know nothing about?
The most frustrating thing for me is i generally dont enjoy gambling when i do it, except for low stakes football bets, i hate it. I tell myself not to, yet my fingers are already typing my security card number in. Now im in a pit where a 100 win would have made my week a couple of years ago, but now it is merely a small amount to add to the gambling kitty, im chasing that one big win, that one win where i look up at the sky afterwards and say 'thankyou' where i pay my debts off and never touch online gambling again, yet would that even happen? i would probably drill through a 10k win before i even knew what had happened then back to square one again, im still young enough to get out of this hole, the thing is, i have around 2 months to do so before i lose the most important things in my life. things more important than having that last little chase. Stupid i know. Anyway if you have made it this far i commend you. Theres still another 100 paragraphs i could write out about myself, my feelings, and the rest of it. But i'de like to use this post to go through more things if any of you guys respond or have any questions or experiences of your own. Wish i could look 10 years down the line and see where i'll be....hopefully not in a hole.
Good luck everyone, have a great weekend, or try (we all know those sunday night feelings after a loss) dont do it.
I'm in a very similar situation. 22, decent paid job and a loving girlfriend who knows nothing of my online roulette addiction. it started about 3 years ago, playing online with the odd 20 deposit, then i somehow managed to win 300. I lost it but within a few days had emptied my bank account trying to win. 3 years down the line I'm playing 100 a spin but getting no satisfaction from winning. i now find myself taking out payday loans to cover my loses.
i have tried so many times to quit, looking myself in the mirror and saying, no more. i will sometimes stop for a week or so, sometimes i won't even make it 12 hours, but I'm always back.
I just want to stop.
Hi guys,
I feel for you both. I know the exact feelings. Up, down (mostly down).. only stop when you've run outta money. God theres even been times ive been sat in the bookies chair after losing my last spin. Not in control of my emotions. Going online to the most famous pay day loan company and topping up my loan, an extra 200 to try and win back what ive lost. A 20 min wait for it to hit my account them straight to the counter to transfer it over to machine 1... and yeah you guessed it... another loss.
Well, the great news for myself is I havent even been in a bookies since banning myself earlier this year. 1st May to be exact. It was the day I lost yet another wad of my hard earned money (190 this time). Ive known ive had a problem for so so long but was in so much debt I thought eventually I would get lucky. I was just kidding myself. I wasnt really playing for the money. I was just addicted. Simple as....
Anyway, thank god I dont have a laptop or decent enough smart phone to get sucked into online casino. Banning myself from my bookies was the best thing i could have done. But it takes more than that as theres plenty of other bookies if you really want to make an effort. Im using willpower and also this site..... I know this isnt the best of ideas but Im still allowing myself an odd football bet (via my online bookies account). I make sure I limit myself to 50 a month. If i win then great, if not im not gonna cry in my cornflakes and get obsessed about winning it back. THE MAIN THING IS IM NOT PLAYING ROULETTE.
So.... 8,300 still in debt but at 500 a month im chippin away every payday.
I hope you guys get your heads together. Im 35 and was playing roulette every week for over 10 years. You will never ever stop unless you draw that line in the sand and walk away.
Mark
Morning guys, i see myself in both your posts, apart from the payday loans, i have never taken one out and its never even crossed my mind even to chase, that's sometimes when i say to myself, well you cant be addicted because you dont take out payday loans to chase, and ill blow 750 or whatever maybe more and ill still have a few hundred left accessable to me but i wont go to the point where i leave myself in the total s**t for the month or where i miss credit card payments or anything that will dent my credit rating. least i can still hang onto that. I'm glad you are gaining your life back Sonic and im sure even though your still 8k in debt you feel like you are free and have loads of cash. Another thing for me is bookies are rarely an issue i can walk past one and not even think about a bet, then other times still go in and lose 100 in the fobt, but i dont want to ban myself from bookies and then want a small stake fun football bet on a saturday, or be with friends and have to make up an excuse as to why i have to wait outside while they put their acca's on, same thing with the casino.
Technology has been the downfall of us all, my laptop initially cost me 700, when i had about 4000 in savings and had won loads, back in 2012 exactly 2 years ago, i was in such a good financial state everything was great, now this laptop has probably cost me around 15,000
anyway rambling again well done again sonic i hope in a decades time i can look back and see this as a dark part of my life that i have well and truely left behind, i hope you can also see the same thing Andy, you have 3 years on me, i would love to turn back 3 years ago and stop, hopefully i wont be saying the same thing when im 28. All the best.
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