Hi all. I am a 40 year old woman and happily married Mum of two lovely children. What i am doing makes no sense and a I feel desperate, hopeless and lonely. Been gambling on and off for many years, like lots of women I imagine started with the bingo online, progressed to slots, had a few good wins, then progressed to bigger and bigger stakes and huge losses. Been visiting this site for a long time, reading posts, diaries, etc in an attempt to help myself but have now got to such a point where nothing is working so I guess this is my cry for help. I have always battled with depression for which i have been on medication for a long time, but recognise i also have an addictive personality and gambling (and drinking which almost always goes hand-in-hand with me) is definitely my escape from my feelings.
My husband knew i had issues but thought i stopped in October, feel i cant confess this time as terrified of losing my family and seeing the shame and disappointment in his face yet again as i confess to another £6k on credit card. Makes me sick to the core thinking about it. We both have good jobs, lots of debt but can just about manage. But not if i dont stop. Hubby has also always had a bit of a gambling problem, sports betting, which used to cause problems with us (i was always massively anti-gambling until i started on 'free bingo' approx 7 years ago- figure that one!!) so that in itself makes it even more difficult and potentially destructive for him if i confess.
I relate so much to all of you and have the upmost respect and admiration for those of you posting and trying to 'heal', so feel the time is right for me to reach out and try to connect. If i dont stop now terrified of what the future holds. Far too much to lose. x
Hi Jules. ..and welcome...
I suggest ringing the helpline for some adviceu....take a look at my diary....it may help...I too struggled to tell hubby...but it had to be done. ...stay on here as much as you need..it's a great place for support
hi julkes im joe 33m compulsive gambler , totally hooked on high stakes roulette im still reeling from a binge last friday , which made me late on rent , probably ended my relationship as we do it time and time again , i may be able to recover it but sometimes as saying goes you don,t know what you got til its gone and i been here before and NEVER learnt and NEVER learnt so your not alone , i need your help
Hi Jules
If you've been reading for a while you've probably seen that standard advice is to come clean then hand over finances, self exclude, use blockers etc. Coming clean is still the best advice but if you don't feel your husband is likely to be able to help in these ways because of his own issues how about enlisting the help of a trusted friend or family member? The key thing is to make yourself accountable to someone. It removes the corrosive burden of carrying the secret and it makes it much much harder for you to gamble unseen.
Hi Jules
No need to be terrified of what lies ahead but you need a healthy fear of gambling and what you have done in the past.
You need to reach out for help and make this a born again moment. There is no shame in admitting you have been addicted.
Gambling ruins people as you can see. You MUST now stop gambling and start learning about the addiction with all the advice and support here. You MUST put the proper blocks on and I mean proper blocks you cant get round. You may need to live on a sandwich allowance and Im not joking there....its that serious
Depression is a key factor and the addiction is also linked to forms of mind control that is the basis for hypnosis. We do things sometimes under the control of the mind and it is linked to depression and feling stressed and anxious with life itself. For many gambling is an escape fix which is actually destroying us....very much like a class A addiction where the user doesnt care about the consequences.
This goes deep to the core and you will realise that money isnt the answer and you also need a new healthy relationship with life and money.
It will do no good being around other gamblers so your husband will need to be informed that you wont be gambling anymore and dont want to hear about gambling. I have to say unfortunately he may not be your rock there as gamblers wont and dont understand non gamblers. You do need close support from someone though
Its not easy and you need the right support which is out here for you
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thanks all for your kind words and advice. Halfway through your diary Loxxie, quite a read, you are an inspirational and amazing lady, shall try to read the rest later.
Off to work soon. Game face on! Feel like if I 'crack' even slightly at work I will completely break if that makes any sense. Part of my job involves selling lottery and scratchcards which doesn't help, although scratchcards never interested me, we do have many regular customers who clearly have issues with them and it sickens me to hand them over, in bulk, time and time again. I always think if you were in my position you wouldn't buy either lottery or scratchcards, then laugh to myself (in a sick kind of way) at the irony of my situation.
Feel like i am waking up from a horrible nightmare that has lasted months. Is that normal? Not ready to confide in OH, really dont think that will help at the moment. Irony is I am the one who has to have complete control of all finances as have always historically been better with money so I recognize that is going to be a major issue. However i do believe as nearly all my gambling done under influence of alcohol (and only ever done at night), should i stay sober should have a fighting chance.
Will start a diary soon also. Last gamble early hours wed morning so second day free of it. Self-excluded from most sites, will look into blocks on tablet and phone also.
Sending positive vibes to all, especially to Joe, important to know we really are not alone and always wonder as i see and interact with many many members of the public in my job just how many of us suffering in silence there are. xx
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