Hi Lady h
I think you are learning that recovery from this addiction is a series of highs and lows. When things are going wrong we can sometimes want it all to end or think that one more £10 will solve everything. When things are going right we see a glimpse of happiness and can use this as I am in control I can just spend a £10 and walk away or we can stay in recovery.
I remember when I first came onto this site and read about triggers and thought it was all a load of rubbish. Then I attended counselling and still was not totally convinced. A major relapse and counselling the second time round and I am only just starting to accept my triggers and deal with them. As you have noticed positive distraction can help with triggers and urges.
Like you I have no one to disclose the extent to which I have gambled and no one to turn to when those triggers manifest. However as Rainbow dream has pointed out thats why this site is so important because it provides support when there is no-one to turn to. Even if there are no replies to your post sometimes just getting those thoughts or issues written down can provide some form of release or clarity.
Sometimes it is the simple little positive things that we do for ourselves that make us realise we are not such bad people and that there is hope.While the debt and the time lost cant be necessarily be replaced no further damage can be done if we can stay away from gambling that is.
Keep posting and keep working at and you will get there!!
Take care,
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