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Hi

Thank you for your sharing and your honesty.

I got to understand that my addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was on walking in to the recovery rooms the very first day.

Going to the recovery rooms and finding the best room for me was very important.

I use to live in Beckenham and use to travel to the Barnet meeting because it was the most healthy honest room I found.

 At the beginning of my recovery one meeting was not enough to stop me gambling.

It is very important to keep going to meetings no longer how long it is from yor last bet.

It is very important for me to hand over all the finances and credit cards as well as have very litte cash on me.

As my honesty grew with in my self my honesty grew in my therapies.

For me I understand that recovery was about healing the hurt inner child in me.

Some very painful times happened in my life.

Sadly that hurt inner child in me could not be free of fears and feared emotional intimacy.

I have been in recovery since 1971 yet only been clean 31 years.

Why did it take so long to abstain and heal my pains.

I coudl say that I was a very slow learner.

But I understand on day one walking in to the recovery room I was a very unhealthy vulnerable person who got used to living in my fears.

It is not healthy to live in depression.

It is not healthy to pretend that I am some thing I am not.

My escapism from the world was very much fear based.

I was attempting to bury and suppress those emotion pains that were not healed.

I do understand that my regrets shame and guilt indicated that I was living in the pains of my past, I was not healing those pains

I am a non religious person.

I do understand that my regrets shame and guilt indicated that I have a very healthy conscience which is very much spirtual based.

The sad fact I am not able to run away from my self. 

If you invest lots of healthy time and energy committed going to meetings you will find a healthy recovery.

I do notview it as an illness but addictions indicate that we are emotionally vulnerable.

The truth in our self is our path to ahealthy recovery.

It is important to indentify each unhealthy habit and exchange all unhealthy habits in to  healthy habits. 

I could bet again tomorrow but tha is very last thing I want or need to do in my life just for tody.

Going back to that scary addiction is very unhealthy for me..

Blocking software is useful but not the only thing I needed to do for me.

How on earth do you abstain for this scarey addiction.

Invest lots of time in meeting, hand over all access to money credit cards, hand over bank acces, and out lots of efforts in to your meetings.

It is very healthy to have a sponsor who you feel you can trust and he will be nurturing and ancouraging towards your healing and becoming more productive.

A healthy sponsor will not just tell you what you need to do but will also demonstrate healthy values to you.

The recovery program will help you help your self become a much healthier person.

Love healing and peace to you.

Dave L

AKA dave of Beckenham

Did you not start to view life differently after 9 months cold turkey ? 

What helped me was realising life is a lot calmer and peaceful without gambling , it took me a few years to accept that and a few more to realise it was ruining a lot of what life had to offer

I very very rarely even want to bet anymore as I just see it as so destructive 

Hi JayR

Thank you for coming to our forum to share your situation. You have taken some great actions already. If you haven't already contacted the 24/7 helpline, then please consider it, as we are able to go through all the available options for you. We can also give you links for free debt advice and let you know about our money guidance service.

Only you can fix this but you don't have to do it on your own.

Best Wishes

Fiona 

Forum Admin