Evening all,
Joint due to relapsing after several months of being free and am trying this as a new means to get back and stay on track, hopefully being able to speak to others in the same boat will help me do just that.
Speaking about my problems in general has always been something i struggle with, even more so when the subject is gambling addiction as i find those closest to me just can't relate and although i appreciate any input they make i usually find it primarily negative which only adds to making me feel even more depressed than i am when i slip up.
Why have i relapsed?
Because barriers i had in place fell and it has amazed me how easily i jumped straight back in even though i have gone so long without even thinking about putting anything into the evil FOBT.
Mum was holding my cards and any large cash amounts, self excluded from local betting shops and conpleted several months with a Counsellor at BreakEven, keeping myself busy with healthy hobbies and alternatives being a take away realisation.
But, Mum went away for the weekend, i was due to go out with my Girlfriend and needed my card, bang goes barrier 1.
With card on me, i just so happend to be in an area with betting shops i was not excluded from, bang goes barrier 2.
Then to top it off, i recently had to have surgery on my hand which has stopped me from regularly getting to the gym and training which was my healthy alternative, hat trick.
So because of the above i am now 10 days post payday and skint, luckily i have paid all bills, a positive i guess, however i now need to make it to the 15th of August on what i have spare in my wallet (which is nothing more than £20), feeling down, feeling ashamed, feeling sorry for myself.
Day 1 starts tomorrow, again
Hi Time2Change2017,
well done for coming on the Forum and posting. Also well done for taking the time and reflecting on why the lapse happened. That is vital. Lapses happen, and it can become a positive (minus the losses) if we learn from them and use this learning going forward.
I appreciate that you feel disappointed right now, but the fact that you came on the Forum to talk about what happened is a sign that your recovery is working, and the time you've spent gambling-free has made an impact. So take heart, dust yourself off, maybe tell your mom and girlfriend what happened, and carry on where you left off - being gambling free.
Maybe one practical idea would be to broaden the range of hobbies, to accomodate for times when you are not able to go to the gym.
Keep posting and keep recovering.
All the best,
Forum Admin
Thank you for the encouraging words.
I have reached out to my old counsellor through Facebook as i really did find opening up to him helpful once upon a time which is another reason why posting through this forum will be beneficial as it will allow me to express my thoughts and feelings on a subject everyone here can relate to.
I have also confided and confessed to my Mum tonight that i have relapsed. As to be expected she is disappointed but praised me for how well i had done up until now.
Barriers now need to be put back in place and reinforced. Will i ever truly be rid of this addiction? I'm smart enough to know the answer to that is no, because until the day there is no FOBTs i will slip up again but i can only try and stay positive in the hope that i can control the situation and notice the triggers.
Totally agree with the comment on broadening my hobbies and activities, i really need to fill my time wisely.
Day 1, clean slate, i can and i will
Not really in a position to offer much advice as i am back here after my own relapse but would just like to say well done on telling your mum and good luck in your recovery i know the first few days will be hard.....all the best
Thank you chartom3,
Was up early this morning for work, going to be a long day, more so because i literally have no money to even get some lunch, back to prepping meals again, but i guess looking at it, that is probably a positive thing as it will in the long run save me money.
Keep your head up, we are all in the same boat, just gotta keep pushing forward.
Hello Time2change
Get back into your routine and set stronger barriers. You've got through months without betting and you can far exceed that if you're prepared.
I'm 21 months GF and this was difficult but I have many barriers set in place.
Good Luck
Conradnose
check out my blog www.conradnose.com
"I wasn’t earning a lot of money in my job and saw gambling as a way to get extra money and as I grew older It seemed that people I went to school with had better paying jobs than me and a clear set out career path."
conradnose - Thank you for the support, i just read one of your blog posts, can relate greatly to the above, i have worked ever since i was at the legal age to, only ever being out of a job for short periods of time. I work hard for minimum wage while i see many around me hardly trying but in more prestigious jobs earning more. It is frustrating and i know the obvious answer is only i can can change my circumstances but when the wins come in the addiction can at the times seem like the better choice, ultimately i know that is rubbish because long term i am always going to lose more than just the money.
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