New on here and worried :(

Dear @really-low,

Thank you for posting on the forum.

I am certain that others will see your post and be able to relate to your story.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself or feel ashamed. You are now taking some positive steps by seeking help and advice and we would encourage you to focus on the future and your recovery from gambling rather than looking back.

Please remember that our Advisors are here to talk with you any time of the night and day. Our netline and helpline are open 24/7. You can call us on 0808 8020 133.

Kind regards

Jo

Forum Admin

Hi @really-low,

I wanted to reply and just let you know that you really are not alone. I myself am similar to you, although mine is sports betting online. Nothing else entices me, but we all have our own problem and specific way that we seem to feed this horrible addiction. 

I also wanted to share two things in particular that have taken me 10 years to truly realise.

1. HONESTY - It’s by far the hardest thing to do, but also even more so by far the most effective, productive and rewarding thing you do. Be honest with your family and those around you. Yesterday I told me wife, I was ready for divorce, but this evening she told me that money is not important, what’s important is life and being able to life without the guilt and shame that comes with this awful addiction. I tried to be honest, more times than I can count, and each time went back to the depression, fear and guilt of it all. I woke this morning, for the first time ever with a genuine smile, and it’s all down to the fact that I didn’t have to hide anymore. You will get there too, you just need to be honest. There’s no other way, because ultimately, it’s a part of you and hopefully a part of you that you want to change. If you can’t open up about it, change will never happen.

2. TMIT3. (Yes it’s my username, but it has meaning). The most important thing is to make the most important thing, the most important thing. Hopefully that makes sense! Essentially, it means figuring out what’s important and refocusing your time and effort into keeping it important! I don’t know about you, but for the past how ever many years I can remember, I have spent countless days, looking at my phone, gambling, checking scores, checking my bank, charging my phone, deleting my history and continuing in this vicious cycle. I’ve wasted hours that I could’ve spent with my son, I’ve spent hours ignoring him and my family while I gambled away thousands of pounds and I have wasted the most valuable thing - my time! Since yesterday I have realised and already began to change the way I live. It may sound ridiculous but even to the point of enjoying looking at my garden, listening to rain, listening to others at work and friends talk about something that didn’t involve me placing a bet. I learning that betting is not important to me and that I don’t want it to be a part of my life, so there is no longer room for it, and now only room to make the most important things important again. Enjoying work (I teach, and I love it), enjoying playing silly games with my young son, enjoying listening to rock music and simply enjoying living again.

You are in the right place, and there are so many people that can help you and share their stories. It would be great to hear yours, it helps so much to just write freely on here and talk. I really hope you can share.

Just remember be honest and TMIT3.

TMIT3

I am new on here and your post TMIT rings true with me. I have wasted so much of my time on my phone and missed such wonderful things. My gambling came out last weekend so it is raw but I am trying to enjoy the simpler things in my life.

Your not on your own my friend this lockdown has been like nothing we've ever seen in our life time being stuck in nothing to do my head goes west every day, but you see an advert or email ect, and that's you back on the go. My vice is roulette and 1hr the other week and I lost nearly  £8000 I never had and God knows how I will find it but it won't be with gambling how the hell cou

Sorry about that my hands are shaking and head banging how could I put my family in this position just pure evil need to concentrate one day at a time and that's the way I will go for the rest of my life as feeling like this is I don't know how to say it but you'll know what I mean

Hi.   First time to this forum - joined about an hour ago.   

I'm not sure there's a scale of how bad things can get but I'd say after years and years I'm pretty much as bad as it can get.    Some may be able to relate, but years ago I genuinely didn't think I had a problem... (we've all seen this film before).  Well that's what I told myself.   I never missed a chance to go on the fruity in the pub.   Few quid here, few quid there - no harm.   I was a student back in the day with masses of debt living beyond my means and I really couldn't make things any worse and didn't even notice.    Fast forward to building a career, a beautiful family and 2 beautiful kids that are my world.  I always had a limit - don't touch the money for the bills.   Take the money from anywhere else, other accounts, credit cards - but leave the mortgage money and the bills out of it.   I used to play those b*****d machines in the bookies I used to win big and lose big (but who watches those losess when you're winning).   My bank balance would yoyo wildly with a 10k swing up or down most weeks.    I desperately wanted to win, to get out of debt, to give my kids a life they deserved, bigger house, flatter, bigger garden, holidays .     I kept saying "make the money and start living - this is temporary.   Now I feel like I'm dying inside, from shame, guilt, betrayal and years and years worth of lies.   

During this lockdown my life unravelled in less than a week.    I'd never really played online before but it was my worst mistake ever.   The losses I chased were too much for anyone to recover from.   I broke my golden rule and dipped into all the money I could get my grubby hands on.   My pay, my extortionate overdraft, everything.   Now...  The gambling is out, the lies that I tried desperately to hide for so many years have all been layed bare.    I've nothing left give and resigned myself to the biggest of losses, my partner my kids, my house, literally everything.    I came clean to my fiancee two nights ago.   I just lost it, I was already on edge and it didn't take much for me to snap.   She went from concerned, to simmering resentment very quickly and I don't know if our relationship can ever rebuild the trust it once had or whether it's now mortally wounded beyond recognition.    I have to hope that there is hope and that the hardest part is now ever and I can start living my life without this dark guilt that's been gnawing away at my soul.     I don't just hate myself, I genuinely loathe myself for having to put everyone through this and burst the bubble of lies I've created and bring down to my level of despair.     For anyone reading, sorry, right now I have no words of comfort, or cliched platidutes.    This life I've made is a living hell that destroys anything that comes near it.    Maybe this is all too new and too raw and time might make me see things differently.   I sincerely hope so....  good luck everyone!

You’re all so right. And it’s so refreshing to hear others simply becoming honest. It sounds odd to write it like that but I have lied about gambling for so long that it became second nature. Being honest again, even that in itself, is making me happier. 

@RhysJames making time to simply fill with other things is so amazing. I watched football last night (the first half only) and all my mind did was formulate different estimations and bets in my head. By the end I realised I would’ve lost almost all of them, and that it was just a complete waste of my time. I didn’t enjoy the game and I spent The second half chatting to my son (toddler age) and enjoying bath time. He made me laugh so much and I came back downstairs in such a great mood and it was just another small experience confirming my desire to stay gamble free. 

Hello, 

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, I can relate very much to what you've said as I too was only struggling with the online side of things and have a completely different mindset to other stuff not that I bother with them nowadays either as they just don't have that 'pull' for me thankfully!!  I used GAMSTOP and it stopped my gambling habit dead in it's tracks and I haven't gambled online for for some 2+ years, that said I still visit this site regularly to remember what I am and to offer support to others like yourself.  I'm still servicing the debt I managed to run up which unfortunately was worse than I'd been thinking at the time as I hadn't factored in my tax position as a self employed person. Now however there is light at the end of the tunnel (<12months until I clear my debt) and I'm thankful for the money I've saved/am saving through not gambling rather than  be rueful of the chaos caused. I'll not lie to you, it was a tough time when I finally came clean but it was such a relief when I did and those who really cared gave me the love and support to see me through those dark days early on when I was worried I may lose everything (I didn't). I hope this shows that things can and do get better and that you find peace, I wish you all the best, you can do this!

Kind Regards

Si