Hi all,
Name Andy 43 years old. Ive just come to realisation, well known it for a while I am a problem gambler. I came into some money from compensation due to being medically retired from my job.
At first things where really good, recovered well and getting on with life. Due to get married in February. Due to the boredom and seeing that a friend had won 1k on slots I though id have a go. and guess what the first few times where fine with some decent wins. However these where followed by big losses. I though enoughs enough I could swallow the loss. And left it for a couple of months. Which I was proud off. This comes from having issues with slots 20 years ago at that time it became a major problem but not big losses.
now fastforward to today ive been chasing losses now for months as i started again. This time placing bigger stakes. the rewards at times where phenominal, sad thing is i didnt need the money I had plenty in the bank, or so i thought until today Ive spent all of my savings and somehow stopped myself from using my overdraft. Ive been wanting to tell my partner, fiancee for ages but never did thinking i would be able to claw back and at times I did, even just before the weekend past I got a big win and promised myself I would stop. But i didnt and today was the final straw.
My future wif is at work today in a job she doesnt like and I could have solved that by supporting us both for months, but i chose not too. Im trying to pluck up the courage to tell her tonight as I can live with this any longer. I dont know what the future will hold. I just hope she understands and can support me. I am preparing myself incase she cannot do this.
reading through and signing up here today has helped me release and let go crying on and off most of the day. I know that i cant hide this any longer
Hi Andy I'm wife of cg. No one told me how bad it was before I got married. I found out nearly 2 years later. He still continued. We've been married 19 years next month. I go to gamanon, I'm now having counselling. I'm telling you this to help you see how hiding it lets you continue and also how it may affect your partner. Telling her you're a cg isn't the whole picture. You have to give her the choice and realise if this continues it's very damaging. Total honesty, transparency and in my experience relinquishing of all access to money is the only way. She may not really understand or want that. Unfortunately the money is gone. Stop now before it gets worse and you end up with debt too. Get help and support from gamcare. You had a problem 20 years ago so you can see how you cannot think this goes away. You have to want to stop. This is your choice. Be brave, tell her, get help.
Hello. Thanks for the message. Since posting the original message I have not gambled at all. I really know I won't anymore mins you I did say that before but guess lasted the 20 years. The one good thing about it is I have not borrowed and I'm not in debt as a result of it. The money has gone and I know there aint any way of getting that back accept to work and save.
I still have not told my partner, I know I have to tell her to give her the choice. I know it's not fair to not say anything. I'm going to this weekend.
I spoke to my best mate of 30 years 2 days ago an come clean to him. He's the only person I've told other than posting on here. He was shocked but supportive and I know I have that which is a great relief.
I'm up now at 1 am can't sleep as random thoughts, discussions with myself about how and what to say. I know I just have to be straight.
Hopefully I'll post again on a couple of days with the news that I've come clean. I did it before and I can do it again.
Thanks again for the reply.
Hi Andy
You unfortunately can't change the past, the money is gone and you are just going to have to swallow that fact.
You can change the future though. In my opinion you should tell your partner. It is a two way thing. First she should know so she can make informed choices about the future. Second, if you want to have better future with no gambling in it then you will find it a lot harder if you keep it a secret. Gambling loves secrets because you will think things out on your own and probably come to the wrong decision and try and chase your losses. Also you are going to need the support of your partner to help you with immediate practical arrangements - you may not believe you need it but for the foreseeable future you can't allow yourself to have unmonitored access to cash. I am not saying it will be easy and you will probably go through some pretty low points with feelings of shame and self loathing but it is the first step towards a better future. I know it is a cliche but time is a good healer and those horrible feelings will reduce eventually but if you keep it a secret they will remain with you.
Good luck and keep posting.
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