Not doing so well conquering it alone

Hello! If you are really looking to stop gambling, you have landed in the right place.

Your situation describes the one most gamblers find themselves in: honest people turned to liars, normally sensible people behaving with no sense at all. The other cruel trick of it is that although gambling has damaged us so badly, the only answer seems to be gambling more so we can win our money back.

I was in the same position as you once, building up big debts knowing that one day they would have to be revealed. Of course I hit rock bottom and it did all have to come out in the end.

Some people would say you should take control of the situation and confess now before your hand is forced but only you can decide. Is there maybe someone else you can talk to before your partner?

All I know is that the stress of the guilt and the debt will mean you keep turning back to gambling for an easy way out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. This morning is the first morning I've woken up and actually thought 'I've made the first step and I can do this' thank you so much for giving me that.

As for confiding in someone I know, that's not something I think I'll ever be ready to do unless it's forced upon me. I don't think I could cope with the shame, humiliation, judgment, disappointment that will come with it. I feel those emotions myself daily, but to burden someone else with them I don't think I can do. Am I selfish, probably, but I at least have to attempt to fix this myself first. It's just the way I am.

Thankfully I'm in a position that I haven't gotten myself into debt. Although I'm no longer stupid enough or naive enough to believe that it isn't going to happen. I worked hard during my 20s and managed to build up a decent amount of savings. I always swore I wouldn't touch them, but who was I kidding? I've lost almost 75% of them now. Left to my own devices I know the rest will follow and then it's only a matter of time before I begin to lose money that isn't mine to gamble.

So today is day number 1. I've self excluded from the 2 casinos I was a member of. I've closed my secret bank account I did use for funds and I've unsubscribed from all the casino promotion emails that flood my inbox. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling positive

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. This morning is the first morning I've woken up and actually thought 'I've made the first step and I can do this' thank you so much for giving me that.

As for confiding in someone I know, that's not something I think I'll ever be ready to do unless it's forced upon me. I don't think I could cope with the shame, humiliation, judgment, disappointment that will come with it. I feel those emotions myself daily, but to burden someone else with them I don't think I can do. Am I selfish, probably, but I at least have to attempt to fix this myself first. It's just the way I am.

Thankfully I'm in a position that I haven't gotten myself into debt. Although I'm no longer stupid enough or naive enough to believe that it isn't going to happen. I worked hard during my 20s and managed to build up a decent amount of savings. I always swore I wouldn't touch them, but who was I kidding? I've lost almost 75% of them now. Left to my own devices I know the rest will follow and then it's only a matter of time before I begin to lose money that isn't mine to gamble.

So today is day number 1. I've self excluded from the 2 casinos I was a member of. I've closed my secret bank account I did use for funds and I've unsubscribed from all the casino promotion emails that flood my inbox. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling positive

Well that is a very good start. You could contact Gamcare's helpline for support as well.

Yes it is difficult talking about it to others but it is also difficult dealing with it on your own. Unfortunately we generally are at a very low point when we try to stop and all the emotions are hard to deal with.

I think a lot of people find when they first stop they have a lot of positive feelings but it soon turns into a long, hard slog and you need all the help you can get. I'm not trying to be negative saying that, just realistic.

I've done day one many many times, and I know how quickly the positive feeling returns to despair when the enormity of the losses kick back in, and that 'just spend another 25, you'll definitely win a little bit back this time' voice starts whispering in your ear.

Today does feel a little bit different though, even just reading your replies and other people's threads. I don't feel so alone anymore, and that somehow makes me feel that little bit stronger and that little bit more determined

Always feels like its the end of the world when you stop but day 1 becomes day 2, then 3 and then you've done a week. Then you think maybe I can live without gambling after all.

Looking at your situation, I would say you have plenty of positives. You are still pretty young, got a good job, not in debt yet, still some savings... over the next few years you could repair the damage you've to yourself financially and emotionally.

Take the chance while you still have it.

Hi JM,

You may find it easier to stop gambling altogether than trying to control it.

Please start a Recovery Diary and you will make lots of friends who will help you quit gambling. You don't have to do this alone. We want to help you.

Don't worry about not telling anyone. We are all different and you sound very independent anyway. All that matters right now is that you get a string of non-gambling days together. Other things can be taken care of later.

Once we cross the line into crisis gambling, there is no going back. It will escalate. We cannot continue to gamble indefinitely. We have to give it up some time. THIS is your time.

Slots are so addictive. They are designed by brain experts to lure us in and keep returning. You can break that cycle and turn your back on gambling.

Read the diaries and keep posting,

Take care,

Suzy

Thanks Suzy, I really do appreciate the support and advice. I know I have to stop completely, I can't and will never be able to control my gambling, I find the slots too addictive, so it's not an option. It's going to have to be all or nothing.

Anyway that's day 2 almost over with and I'm doing ok, just kept myself as busy as possible. I think I will take your advice and start a diary tomorrow. It's the next 5 days that are going to be difficult, after work when I'm home alone is usually when the urge to gamble takes hold. And I also have payday to contend with. I've not picked an easy week to stop but I have to stop and there's no time like the present.

So I've set myself a goal - to increase my savings this month the old fashioned way...by actually saving!