Old habits

Hello,

I suggest that GA would be a good place to discuss all this, with people who understand.

CW

Hi Zulu, I am sorry to hear things are not so good with you right now. You wrote some great stuff on Relapse Prevention back in February. You really helped me back then. You are not rubbish. You would make a great friend. Hopefully the fog will lift and you will see yourself more clearly. Look after yourself. Suzy

Wow Zulu! Such a touching post!...firstly let's get things straight - you're not rubbish/useless/horrible etc ...none of those! Addiction is telling you stuff and as more you go bk into it's hands, as more lies will come out...addiction kills ok, I'm gonna be straight with you.
For a long time i felt lonely, bad , useless piece of *** in this world, still do sometimes, but not as bad..why? Partly cause i made few changes, challenged myself and went to unknown head on..sort of, what have i got to lose?
We only live once, and you never know when something like health issues can cross the path...hell...that's then you forget gambling at least for a while..why? Cause your concentration is diverted on more important things.
Life is not perfect, never will be, but why to make it worse by making wrong choices? It hurts..self abuse is the worst out of them all cause we do it to ourselves.
How many ppl cares about you? I guess you think NONE...so so wrong! Even neighbor seing ur face makes a memory in his/her mind of the Soul they just seen. You count & u need to understand that. World wouldn't be the same without you, is it enough to make you want to get up each morning? I hope it is, but as everything change starts from within!

Please reach for help, you can't do it on ur own...help is out there, just take it! Help yourself, help that soul which sooo deserves peace and happiness in ur life

Keep posting, you're not alone...don't feel alone, share a smile, even in the mirror for a starters..ya know, i have learned - it's catching! Challenge yourself for the day - the outcome is priceless ☺

All the best...be kind to you

S x

Thank you for your honest replies. Suzi I read that relapse prevention stuff I wrote in February and I actually had forgotten I wrote it. When I read it now it is like a different person wrote it. But yes that was me and that's the me I need so desperately to get back to.

Sandra thank you for being so real with me, change does start from within. If I can find the courage to be honest with myself then I can find the courage to make the changes within myself. When I wrote that original post it was the first time I expressed any real emotion and actually felt it in a very long time. Right now I am not cured or suddenly feel happy but I actually feel the slightest glimmer of hope. In all that fog and darknest that small flame is keeping me alive.

Thank you again for both your kind words.

I am slowly coming to terms with my full blown relapse and I have not gambled now for a month. I am still struggling with all these strong emotions and sometimes become overwhelmed by them. I am recieving help and it is a process.

I am trying to slow things down and to avoid impulsiveness because this always gets me into some kind of trouble. I really want to remain in recovery this time, some days it is easier to say than others but is really true. I hope that I can find the courage and determination within, to stay focused and believe in myself enough to fight this continuos battle.

Thanks

Hi mate , just to let you know whenever you feel like gambling just remember that the money lost you can't ever get back, and think of all the organisations that are making endless amount of money of us people who have a problem. Also say for example someone granted you a wish to clear all your debts? If that happened would you start gambling again? Either way you cannot win. Apart from stopping. Keep strong mate different approach but hope this helps.