partner of a gambler

Hi Maya

Although the chatroom is only open for an hour in the evenings, there is the Gamcare helpline that you can call. It is a freephone number - 0808 8020 133 - and this is open from 8:00am until midnight, 7 days a week. Someone on the helpline will be able to chat with you and give you some advice.

I hope this helps.

Hello, you can also access the Netline service which connects you with an advisor to talk freely and confidentially.

Has your partner sought help?

Hi maya. It is hard to describe what goes on in his head as from experience it isn't a lot! Without knowing where he is with his recovery it's hard to comment. Has he admitted he has a problem? Does he want help? How deep has gambling got him, debt/stealing?. The chances are he is numb. His brain tells him everytime he has money that he needs to gamble it. That he will win. He will start with that first bet then get lost in a daze of feeling ups and downs as he wins and loses in a session. If he is really deep into his addiction he might even subconsciously enjoy the feeling of losing as chasing that win to get it back at least gives an emotion. All be it a bad one its an emotion all the same. He will be sorry when he has lost it all. But his brain will still tell him next time it will be ok. He needs help in retraining his brain. He can't do it alone and he must hand over full control of his finances to you until he finds a. Answer. X

Hi. Thank you for your replies. He has admitted on few occasions in the past that he has a problem to stop once he starts and then ends up losing everything he can get hold of. He also went for a session of hypnosis... which was last december...He has been off work for last 3 years so he was mainly betting his sick pay which wasnt that much... like 300 pounds a month... compared to what he used to...before when he had a job it was much more serious.. he would bet his entire wages and wouldnt mind to bet mine too if he had opportunity...as a result i ended up with DMP for 13 grand.. few months ago he had opportunity to open his own fastfood which was always his dream.. he started renting the shop in august last year and he looked really excited commited and serious about it...he was then struggling to get an investment but finally in february he managed to get investment from his mother and friend... he had 16 000 all together only mising about couple of grand... he decided to win the rest i suppose or maybe he was sad from not being able to open the shop with the money i really dont know and this is beyond my comprehension but i recently (2days ago) found out that he gambled away all the 16 grand in as little as 2 months (march to may). I also managed to find out that after this he self excluded himself with his favorite betting website ...but not long later opened another online accounts... He does sport bets btw...I tried to talk to him but he says that i need psychiatrist...he doesnt behave like he did anything wrong at all...to be honest i always found it very difficult to figure out his feelings or emotions... he doesnt show them at all not even excitment or an anger... he laughs and can look happy but the expressions of his emotions like anger, joy, grief, excitement even desire are very poor... in 9 years i never saw him cry... but recently i see something very weird in his eyes...like there was completely different person looking at me.. sometimes completely empty eyes without sparkle like if he lost his soul... something changed in him and he doesnt even look like he realises what he has done or that he wants to stop... is it normal characteristic of a gambler to be emotionless like this? I dont know what to do any more... you can find my story in section "family and friends - partner of a gambler; ready to walk off"... i feel completely numb at the moment regarding his loss but i know that i m gonna have nervous breakdown from this soon.. it always comes with a delay...

Hi maya,

im the wife of a CG. How you describe your partner is just like mine. He evens describes himself as dead inside. He hides himself away and shuts down at home.

Enough about them. Have you been to see your GP? I had a terrible time last week and felt like I was gonna crack under the pressure but somehow this week I've managed to pull myself together again. If you continue to struggle you really must put yourself first. It's so hard living like this- I really do understand. It just gets too much sometimes. Keep talking on here- it has helped me no end.

As a recovering gambler I would say yes, it is normal to lack emotion. He is now at a point where only gambling gives him any emotion at all, and even though it's a negative feeling it's a feeling all the same. Please show him my reply. I'd like to tell him that I was exactly as he is now. I'm by no means claiming it's no longer a problem, but I have got help from my doctor. I made arrangements regarding my debt, I have admitted my problem to EVERYONE. I'm not hiding from anyone and I am happy. I haven't kept a record of dates but I must be nearing two month gamble free. I know that doesn't sound aLot but the important part is I don't even want to gamble. That for me is huge. Your husband will be feeling by now that this will never end. Please tell him it can. He just needs to find a reason to have some pride in himself. X

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