I'm 25 and have a problem with gambling, particularly online sports betting.
I first started gambling 1.5 years ago. The first couple bets I ever placed being £100-£200 singles on the football. That really should have been an indicator that this wasn't normal.
Anyway, initially scaring myself with the sums I was willing to place, I stopped for a few months. Then started again, at smaller bet sizes, but putting on more of them instead. Just placing completely random unresearched bets, including on foreign matches at 3 am, not sleeping while waiting for the outcome, not bothering to watch the games but just staring at the betting page waiting for the match to be over. I thought to myself this was ridiculous. So I went and tried roulette instead, and lost £100 in 5 minutes. Not touched any casino games since, thankfully - I dread to think what would have happened if I won.
Currently my main weakness is betting on the football transfer market. Because I have won good sums on it, I tell myself that I have the 'judgement' to beat the bookies. But it's become really clear to me that I cannot gamble on it in a controlled manner. I start with £20-50 pound bets, which within days turn into £200 bets, eventually leading to putting £5k on a single bet last summer, on a heavy favourite. Risking almost 3 months' wages, for a relatively small return.
I installed a blocker (K9) afterwards, although I did temporarily unblock it a few times, I found the popup enough for me to buy me valuable thinking time and close the browser window. Then I got a new computer and didn't bother reinstalling it - a problem once the football transfer window reopened in Jan. Once again, bet sizes increased from £50 to £500 rapidly within 1-2 weeks. It's become a habit to just hit the 'max stake' button as I feel I don't want to leave any 'potential winnings' behind should the bet come in, which is stupid.
A couple days ago I woke up, not having slept very well thinking about bets to put on. Still groggy, I went to put on a £300 bet at evens which I felt had value. Deposited the money, went to place the bet only to find the market had been suspended seconds before. This made me furious in a way I hadn't been before. At the same time I saw another tip for a 'banker' to happen at 1/3, and had a massive urge to put £1.5k (max stake) on to chase the potential £300 winnings plus get some extra. Made me feel a bit sick. I wasn't chasing a loss, but worse, I was chasing 'lost' potential winnings from a bet I had not even placed. I managed to stop myself, but I realise this is escalating and getting out of control.
Initially I gambled for the excitement, then for the greed, now I am completely numb to gambling and I don't feel anything, win or lose. Not just that, the amount of time I spend thinking about bets when at work, at home, or even when people are talking to me is ridiculous. Thankfully I am not in debt and nowhere near hitting rock bottom, but I have read many stories on forums over the past few months, and the similarities are astounding.
I still have a number of unsettled bets but for now I have put time-outs on all my accounts until the end of the transfer window when they will be settled. I have also reinstalled K9, I will need to change the password to a random letter/number combination to make it harder to unblock once the bets have settled. I have also arranged an appointment with a counsellor, I feel I use gambling as a way to escape from various longstanding issues which I have put off seeing anyone about for far too many years.
Anyway - Day 1.
Not placed a 'proper' bet since my last post. Did however end up using a 20 pound free bet a few days ago, none of the markets seemed appealing so after 30 mins of agonising I put it on something random. Did not enjoy the process of having to pick something. It lost anyway.
All the bets have now settled and I have withdrawn everything out of all my accounts. A couple of near misses. It scares me to think I was so sure of a certain outcome I told myself I would be willing to put in up to 2k more than what I had available to bet at the time. Thankfully I delayed the decision for a few days and they stopped offering the market in that time. It won, but just barely, it could have gone either way and was nowhere near the banker I thought it was. I could have lost everything and started chasing.
K9 is back on although the blocking seems a bit patchy at times, perhaps gamban is a more reliable alternative, I should look into that. Seen a counsellor earlier this week for a first session, not mentioned anything about gambling yet but will do when I see her again on Tuesday.
Mate get your nearest GA meeting and make it a regualr part of your life. You already know you a compulsive gambler, this will never change and there is no cure. The only way to stop gambling destroying your life like it has so many of us is simple, stop gambling.
To non CG's this sounds straighforward, it is however not and that is why we need support. GA will give you that, also coming clean to someone you are close to (partner, sibling etc). The more support you have the better, the reason GA works so well is that your getting support off fellow CG's and their stories will sound very familiar to you.
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