Hello,
I have finally plucked up the courage to join here as I feel that my gambling problem is out of control.
2 years ago I was playing bingo once a week and then one day I got curious about slots and began to play with small stakes (20p spins), I was happy to win double what I put on back then but over time the need to win became more and more. I got upgraded to vip status on a site and slowly the stakes I would put on got bigger and bigger. Everytime I had a big win I would end up chasing the win for more.
Over this past year I have joined multiple sites and flitted around them all and was winning and happy.
I got complacent that I had won money and had more in my account than I'd ever had and ended up making multiple deposits one weekend using PayPal. The issue was I'd actually lost track of how much I'd been putting on to chase losses and ended up panicking once I worked out I'd actually lost everything and would go overdrawn. I was so distressed cried my eyes out and ended up applying for an overdraft and also calling my dad up to say something had broken to get some money which I am not proud of. I have always been so sensible and honest but I lied to help fix my issue.
I ended up stopping gambling for an entire week until I got paid and I felt horrendous, guilty but anxious to try to win it back. Once I'd got paid I started gambling again and then won a few large amounts and was happy again.
At present I am finding it incredibly difficult to understand how I feel about it all. I get bank statements through monthly now rather than quarterly saying I've had huge amounts of money go through my account but there's far more going out than left in. I do have more money in my account right now than I have ever actually had which should be good but I still gamble and when I loose I feel ill and want to win it back.
I am just hoping somebody can help me understand why I continue to put myself through this.
The winning is good but the loosing is so soul destroying even though it isn't putting me in financial trouble.
Hi violet, give that money to your dad. Slots are designed to give you pleasure whether you win or lose therefore becoming addictive. There is a documentary on here, thread is called 'watch this if you're addicted to slots'. It's pavlovs rat, pushing the button. You need to call gamcare, get some counselling, talk to someone. Stop now before you get into massive debt. Tell your dad he will help you and maybe control your finances. You feel rubbish because it's addiction. More people will comment with advice, I'm wife of cg. Good luck, I'll move that documentary to top of page if I can.
Hi Violet, I started as well playing bingo for fun and got addicted to slots and playing larger amounts. They are designed to suck us in that way. Merry is right, watch the documentary if you can, its eye opening.
Winning feels great and losing feels awful, those are normal feelings but what isn't normal is the way compulsive gamblers react to both. From what you say above you can't stop chasing either losses or wins, I was the same. That's because the money became unreal to me and it was all about the action. Not knowing how much you've spent is a sign you are in the trance or fog and slots are designed to keep you in the "zone" until you are spent out. If you are like me your bank statements will be 100s of deposits of small amounts to the same sites rather than a few large depo's, this is because of not thinking straight and being in the fog. Its hard to understand why you are doing it because you can't think normally about it until you wean yourself off. For the same reason, you may not be able to make the best decisions right now.
My advice is to tell someone you trust and ask for their help. If you can't do that yet, get advice from gamcare. At the very least, exclude yourself from online sites for a while (if you are strong enough, exclude permanently or put online blockers on your devices or ask someone to help). You need some time away from slots to get your head straight and start thinking normally again. I have tried doing this through willpower alone in the past and it just didn't work for me. I was crawling the walls and there is no way I would have got through withdrawal symptoms without online block (k9). Once over the first few weeks though things got much better and I was able to see the addiction for what it is and felt much happier.
Believe me this addiction is progressive and if you actually have winnings left in the bank you need to stop right now and walk away. Otherwise it will carry on until you have lost everything and you are in debt and maybe worse. If you can draw a line now and fight it, put barriers in place and commit to recovery, you will instead have the opportunity to learn a lot about yourself and become happier in life.
I wish you strength and I hope you become one of the lucky ones able to stop THIS time! Keep posting and let us know how you get on.
4D x
Hi there,
The advice given already is great and 4D hit the nail on the head.
Just to add to it.......you don't know why you keep on doing it but you're being gripped by gambling. This is the problem and while you are winning, very fortunately so, you will lose everything. You talk about money a lot, but now what you are experiencing is the rollercoaster of emotion that comes with gambling. It's always very negative, for me, guilt, worry, paranoia with little highs of winning that keep us coming back for more. When I won I spent the money on things I wouldn't have normally bought and then lost all the winnings and the rest and ended up in debt.
There are loads of things you can do but it depends on how much you want to rid yourself of this and get off the rollercoaster. Personally I installed K9, blocks on my router, self excluded, cut up credit cards, scratched off the three numbers, froze them in a block of ice in my freezer, phoned gamcare, told a friend, went to counciling as provided by gamcare, got new hobbies, got a plan in place to pay off debts (debt free now!) but most importantly understood why I gambled. It's different for all of us, for me it was dissatisfaction with life, escapism and lack of caring about consequence. So I have different, healthy escapisms and a better regard for the value of money! Life is so much better, but all the hard work is down to you. Don't get sucked in because you will always lose and be chasing wins.
Take it easy!
Thankyou all for your advice, I can see there's a major problem which has to stop now before it carrys on and destroys everything. I am going to watch the documentary and speak to a close friend of mine. My parents live quite far away and I know that they would be very angry with me if they found out. I can't cope with them being disappointed in me. It's bad enough hating myself and feeling guilty for what I'm doing.
I need to find something to replace the gambling. I am so angry with myself for falling into this trap.
Vi x
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