I hoped I would never have to write one of these posts again, but alas, here I am.
I have been struggling emotionally in recent times. A lot. My partner has just moved across the world to pursue further study, leaving me feeling extremely lonely and sad. I started betting on the football as a kind of distraction. I was doing rather well in fact. But whenever I lost any money, I would go straight onto the online roulette table to try and win my money back. It worked - until tonight. Trying to recover £50 became trying to recover £100 > £200 > £300 etc. I think I have lost around £255 in total across the last few weeks. Around 3 years ago at the age of 18 I lost £2000. I vowed never to gamble again. And yet here I am this tonught, writing about my loss of hundreds of pounds.
In one sense I'm horrified that I have lost such a substantial amount of money all in one night. On the the other hand, I almost feel a sense of relief. It's as if I needed to lose that money in order to kick this awful, dirty addiction. The more times I won, the more likely I was to keep betting. I had to lose eventually, and I think I knew that to some extent. But the high of winning kept me going. It felt like I was succeeding with money where I was struggling with my relationship.
I'm telling myself now that I won't gamble again, but I did the same thing several years ago and I've landed myself in a similar position again. I worry that once the shame of the loss starts to fade away, I will be tempted to gamble again to try and recoup some of my losses. This can't happen and I don't want it to happen. But I don't know how to stop myself once and for all. Online roulette has lost me so much money and it just can't go on.
Any advice would be greatly received.
Thanks in advance
Hi indigosky
It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment.
You may want to call and speak with a gamcare advisor on the freephone helpline on 0808 8020 133 or contact an advisor through our netline. We are open everyday 8am until midnight.
Gamcare advisors can give you information on strategies that can help when stopping gambling such as installing software onto the devices you use which will block your access to online gambling sites.
Free counselling is also available in some areas and advisers will be able to help you find your nearest service if you would like to explore this option or they can sign post you to other forms of support such as Gamblers Anonymous meetings http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/index.php/meetings
Keep posting we are here to support you
Take Care
Forum admin
Hi Indigosky
Welcome to the forum.
Stopping comes with a born again moment when you realise its not for you and you were never in control. Gambling is firmly linked to stress, depression, loneliness and an emptiness in your soul.
Its not an income scheme and nor can it fill the emptiness in your life. When you sit down and do the exercises you will not be able to rationalise it in any way. Indeed the feeling you were doing ok is just the addiction talking you into any comfort zone it can muster. You will come to understand its a form of split mind control
Willpower alone is not enough so you must reach out for all the help on offer. If you can tell people that are close to you that would be a great step. I was telling myself for forty years that I had better cut it out....it doesnt work until you are ready with all your heart to make the addiction history
In a moment of strength you must self exclude and give your mind time to heal.
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect and control
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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