Relapsed Again...

Good evening folks,

After using this site previously for helping me stop gambling....it looks like I have got too big for my boots and relapsed.

I previously used Gamcare which deifinately helped me. I had a terrible gambling addiction and it assisted with keeping myself on track and setting myself little goals etc. I used some forums as a diary and would regularly reflect on my progress.

One of the goals back then was to propose to my girlfriend by saving for the engagement ring etc. I managed to save the full amount and fast forward nearly two and a half years now, I have a wife. Eliminating gambling really does make your life a better place.

On the run up to the wedding, I found myself starting to gamble again. The past few months have been incredibly difficult and I have racked up a little debt again.

Gambling is such a dark place that I hate to be in. It is however, my own fault and I have no others to blame apart from myself. The gambling has also led to unhealthy eating and I have gained alot of weight. I now feel horrible with myself.

I have stopped my gambling before so I know that I can do it again. I feel like venting like this definately helps.

Although I have lapsed, I know I can do it again and also become alot fitter etc. I want other people with similar problems to also be aware that this can be done too.

It's by no means easy but if we dig deep enough, anything is possible.

We all have far too much going for us to waste our lives feeling like this.

I feel it neccessary at this time to describe that 'dark place' of gambling and the way I see it. Gambling is the horrible feeling of seeing your hard earned cash vanish in front of you in no time at all. It's the horrible feeling that you are betraying your loved ones, family and most importantly yourself. It's the painful feeling of guilt that runs through your head. It makes you feel worthless, small and puts an incredible weight on your shoulders. It's the feeling of negative adrenaline passing through your body as you spend your last penny. It causes you to lie and give pre-empted excuses of your whereabouts or what you have spent your money on. No matter if you are religious or not, you being to pray for a win. It causes you to wish your life away for payday's etc.

Typing this forum has helped me already and got the ball rolling. I will continue to post and read regular and set myself goals.

I am strong and will not gamble.

Scott