Hello,
i am new to these forums. I am a 39 year old female about to turn 40 and today I have potentially lost my relationship and home due to gambling.
I have been gambling on and off for the past 5 years or so and it has cost me thousands of pounds and I have racked up lots of debt. I started a new relationship 2 years ago and a year into that my boyfriend found out I was gambling and made me confront my family, they all stood by me but I have continued to gamble in secret and have told many lies to hide it. My boyfriend has now found out I've been gambling again and has ended our relationship due to the lies so I have moved to my sisters house to stay there and again had to come clean, some family members have been supportive and others have refused to talk to me again due to the lies and now lack of trust.
I feel completely lost now, I don't know how to try and fix things with my boyfriend and how I can go about gaining any kind of trust again. I have installed Gamban and Gamstop on my phone and am determined to quit gambling for good but I'm so scared it's too late and would like some advice on how I could try to fix things.
thank you
Hi and well done on reaching out. I was in your position a few months ago. The only thing I can suggest is to do everything in your power to show how much you intend to quit for good. Handover all your finances, credit report, bank cards, the lot. You’ve put blocks in place but the lies are the issue. You have to come totally clean and hope for the best. If you can get your partner to speak to someone they may realise you didn’t do this with spite in mind. This addiction makes us do horrible things, and we don’t even think it’s bad at the time. We lie to ourselves first and foremost. GamCare can offer your partner advice. It’s not just for gamblers.
Now the big question is, if this is the end for your relationship, will you go back to gambling? You really have to be committed enough to know that gambling caused this, and even if you end up at complete rock bottom, gambling won’t get you out. You need to focus on you and your recovery. It can be done, you have family who are sticking by you. The others will hopefully come round when they see how committed you are. For many of us, me included, it takes a massive shift in our personal life to make us realise that things have to change. One way or another, your life is at that point. I really do hope you get through this with your partner. No matter the outcome, this has to be your day 1 and there is no going back again.
I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.
Stay strong 💪
sadly your not alone with this horrendous addiction and will never be alone as every one on gamcare is here to offer advice and support in your personal journey back to a gamble free happy life.no one Is judgemental as they have all been at ground zero at some point in their journey.you have made a massive heroic leap leap by admitting that you are struggling and need help and advice.try and put every imaginable block in place and take all available help you can get be it from the brill gamcare team and other problem gamblers who are on here who have been in your situation at some point in their life.best wishes wee g
Im on day 388 g/f anyone can do this, acceptence is key its a life long illness handing over finances being honest is key get all the support u can, put an effort into recovery its not easy urgues come and go however the change only u can do, the principle is one day at a time each day is a new day some days are easy some days are hard however if i put the effort into my recovery and investing in myself the chances of a relapse are less likely, the addiction thrives on negativety the truth is their no majic formula we simply cannot place a bet its a life long illness and all it takes is one bet, excerise eating healthy making changes in lifestyle can have a positive impact has we know life is stressful find other hobbies and interests even having a general chat with family and friends can be the difference
Hi.
Just wanted to say that I am wishing you strength as you are going to need it. Your life can most definitely improve however, in more ways than one, the minute you stop gambling. I know this is easier said than done but putting those blocks in place at least, are enough to stop you in your tracks if/when those urges rear their ugly head.
keep coming on here. You will receive lots of hep, support and advice.
Best wishes.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
You are about to enter a new decade in life so it seems the perfect opportunity to try and reinvent yourself
Most of my early 20's were completely lost to gambling and I'm still playing catch up now , I reigned it in during my late 20's but was still ever present
By 30 I told myself this was a lifestyle that was going nowhere fast , at 32 I've pretty much jacked the whole lifestyle in
All I can say is life is complex enough as it is but it becomes a lot easier to deal with when you aren't throwing hundreds and thousands away on stupid games you can't beat
@p6z38njbqm thank you very much for your message. Yes unfortunately the gambling is not the main issue in the breakdown of the relationship it's the lies and deceit that comes along with it. I feel very confident that having now hit rock bottom that I can give up the gambling for good and I am more than happy to handover all bank account control ect which I hope will show that there is nothing hidden any more but I guess I just have to give it time and hope for the best as it is still very early days. I am very luck that I can stay with family so now I just have to get my head down and work on myself in order to show everyone I can turn things around.
good luck on your recovery journey too, I wish you all the best x
@g3y6a5jbds thank you very much for your message. I am feeling confident I can stop the gambling and get my life back on track, i am taking all the steps I can and I now just have to work hard on gaining everyone's trust back.
good luck on the journey you are on too, I wish you all the best x
@tazman thank you very much for you message and congratulations on 388 days, I really hope I can get to that point and beyond. I am determined to put in every ounce of effort i can into my recovery and mending my broken relationships and I just hope in time it will be enough. It's a very sad place to be right now and I never want to find myself here again.
Good luck with your journey, I wish you all the best x
@j5a6meyr4z thank you so much for your message, I really appreciate the support, I feel confident I can beat this but it's going to be a long tough journey.
good luck on your journey to, I wish you all the best x
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