Hi Guys,
Just a quick diary update, I’m a few days behind posting but I’m proud to say I’ve hit my second month milestone and currently sitting on 66 days GF. Wow how things have changed for me, just like my last post on my 1 Month milestone my finances are still shook. I can expect this for a long time however, my mentality has totally changed.
I’m no longer the secret despressive person I was when I gambled, I feel genuinely happy in myself and feel like I’m getting my life back day by day. I don’t think about gambling much anymore, weird to describe but I rarely think about actually doing it and having a gamble. I mostly think of the embarrassment I have and feeling ashamed I ever let myself go so much.
Another thing I’m ashamed to admit is that at my lowest point I was having consistent suicidal thoughts, I work in central London and often thought how easy it would be just to end it all, end my misery and troubles. Strange how I would never have the guts to do it or jump in front of a train but wouldn’t hesitate spending thousands of pounds on gambling, when you think of it, that takes some balls!
I know that’s the old me, and the new me is starting to take place. It was never going to be an easy journey for me but I love that it’s just starting to feel like a memory now. I never want to go back there as I don’t know how long I’d be able to cope with it if I ever did.
Got to keep positive and sharing/celebrating these small successes. Next stop is the magic 90 days GF! Thanks for reading 🙂
Great post and i completely understand what you mean about putting that old life behind you . Imagine how good it will feel in another two months . My advice would be to keep posting and reading the forum . Whilst you may not get gambling thoughts or think that you are over it , reading new members entries bring it home how we were and could be . I’m not saying that we should at all take any pleasure in the suffering or stories , but through them we can make sure we don’t do it again. I also feel that by offering advice to newbies will help all of our recoveries . Keep going and we’ll done again
Thanks for your comments Bryan and I agree with you. Need to stay active in the community and get inspiration and hopefully pass it on!
Sometimes it’s too hard to too painful to face, I’ll avoid it if I’m feeling low or busy but you’re right, I need to keep remembering how bad it felt and everything that has happened to keep me on the right track.
Thanks again,
SJR
U alright sjr?
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