Shaking with worry

Hi Moomoo67,

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. I have been in your position and know that gut wrenching feeling all too well! Unless you can come to some arrangement with your landlord you will have to come clean with your husband, which will be better in the long run as this disease isn't something to be fought alone.

I really hope you get through this difficult time.

hi moomoo,i can relate to ur thread,,ive put my hubby thro so much to and every time promising to never do it again.like ppl have to me willpower isnt enough to stop..Maybe be honest to ur landlord some people are fairly understanding of this illness.im sure ur hubby will be very disapointed but not suprised.it wont disapear needs to be faced,hope u manage to keep ur home .and just to let u know ur not alone with this,lots of people here in similar situations .maybe try the live chat 8pm i found it helpful x

Hi moomoo, it sounds like you are in a bad way. Don't worry, you're not alone - we are all in a bad day the first day we come on here. There has to be a catalyst in order for us to realise the problem and seek help for the problem. Why don't you call Gamcare? They can give you a lot of helpful advice and point you in the right direction. Welcome to the site regardless, you will find many people in the same boat as you. We are all rooting for and supporting each other. Let today be the start of your recovery moomoo. No matter how bad things seem now, realise that they can only get better. I think ultimately you will have to tell your hubby, he will realise if the bailiffs turn up anyway won't he?! At least by telling him he will have the opportunity to help you both out of this situation, if he doesn't know, how can he help? If it's any consolation, I gambled away my rent money last month for the first time ever (that was my catalyst), after a couple of days of thinking the end of the world had come, feeling disgust and shame with myself for potentially making myself and my son homeless and generally burying my head in the sand, I faced the problem head on. Told the landlord I couldn't pay (he didn't ask for the reason why so I didn't have to lie to him), resolved it wouldn't happen again (and it won't), and came up with a payment plan. I'm sure that the housing assoc. won't want to kick you out if you have been good tenants aside from the payment issue. No more of that silly talk about ending it all and don't bury your head in the sand for too long because the problem won't go away. I am rooting for you moomoo but I am not an expert by any means so please, please phone Gamcare for one to one advice.

x

Hi guys

Thanks for your messages of support. I am just at such a loss. I've had this sickening anxiety in my stomach for 2 days solid and just can't see light at the end of the tunnel. I am delaying the inevitable by not telling my husband but I just can't face it. I think he will finally snap when he finds out about the rent. He works such long hours and I have just gambled it away. I'm so disgusted at myself. He doesn't deserve this. I really am considering getting in the car and driving off and not coming back....but not a pound to my name....I have read lots on here and it does inspire me and your stories too and I don't want you to feel like I'm not listening, I just can't see how I am going to get through the next 48 hours nevermind 48 days! I have to go to work tomorrow and I will be in a daze until I can find the words to say it out loud to my husband. I've been sick about 4 times today just thinking about it. I will be waiting for the Housing Association to call me to tell me the awful news or the letter dropping through the door with more worrying news.....I just can't cope with it and it's all my own fault.

Sorry, sorry nothing inspiring from me is there. I am usually the life and soul of the party....bubbly and funny but just can't raise anything to get me out of my dispair. I have no thoughts of gambling at all....I haven't even had a glass of wine since Friday and that's saying something. That is my trigger I think so if I don't have that then I can't do any more damage...

Anyway I'm rambling again....thank you again for your kind messages.

Hope you got through today ok moomoo, have you decided to talk to your husband?

x

Hi tough times indeed and I know where you are coming from! The sooner you come clean with your husband the better for everyone. You can only hide this for so long. Get it out in the open this will I hope bring some releif to you in the sense your not having to hide this from him. Then you need to work out a plan to ensure you keep the roof over your head. I think possibly you should hand over ALL financial control to your husband. Allow yourself no access to cards or bank accounts. Putting as many blocks in place as you possibly can will help when the urges come. I have been in your situation many times so I know how awful it is. Fess up face the consquences of actions we cant undo then look to moving forwards. Your husband I hope will stick by you through this.

Thanks for your messages. Well it all came out and husband is sick of me but he is still home which I am thankful for. We have had a quiet couple of days really. I have blocked and self excluded from all and have said to take laptop away and I will only ask to use if we need to look something up. I never get any other urges other than online so taken that away. No access of iPhone so no worries there. As for the rest of the mess, waiting to hear from housing association. Emailed to try and arrange a meeting. Other stuff can't wait for now that's my priority. The support on here is amazing. I will get my family to trust me again one day. One thing is for sure, I am not going to put myself or them through this ever again. Xx

Hi Moomoo67

So glad to hear that you've taken steps in the right direction, I really hope you get everything sorted!

Hi moomoo,

I expect you feel relieved in an odd way that it is all out in the open now. I hope the meeting with the housing assoc goes your way. I have been reading through your old threads and what I will say is that you appear to come on here whilst in the grip of a catastrophe then you stop posting. As you said earlier, the support on here is amazing so why not continue dropping in this time? It might help you avoid another disaster. I'm rooting for you moomoo, you can do this!

x