Greetings everyone, my name is Josh, and I am two days free from gambling. I have taken the necessary steps to block myself from gambling platforms and land casinos.
My journey is somewhat unique. At the age of 34, I reflect on my past as a heavy gambler from the ages of 22 to 29. My entire paycheck would vanish within a few hours at the end of each month, primarily spent in casinos across London.
I vividly recall numerous instances where I lacked even the funds to purchase a cheeseburger from McDonald's, having squandered every last penny.
Despite working tirelessly, I would recklessly spend my earnings at the casino, perpetuating a relentless cycle. To sustain my habit, I resorted to payday loans, credit cards, and overdrafts, even borrowing from family members. At the age of 29, I came to the realisation that I could not continue down this path. A woman I met who worked at the casino listened to my story and facilitated my ban from the establishment. This decision proved to be the most beneficial choice I could have made. Over the course of five years,
I successfully transformed my life. I eliminated my debts, held down two jobs, and purchased a property. I even managed to save money, and my life has changed dramatically for the better.
In August, after a five-year period of abstaining from gambling, I encountered a challenging phase in my life, marked by feelings of sadness and difficulties at work. While passing by a casino, I made the decision to enter. I am uncertain whether this act was a form of self-sabotage or if I subconsciously linked gambling to a troubling time in my past. Within a mere three hours, I lost £2,700 from my savings.
I find myself questioning whether using a credit card for gambling is more detrimental than depleting my hard-earned savings. Unfortunately, this behavior escalated, and as of yesterday, I have exhausted all of my savings, amounting to £11,500. The aspect that is often overlooked is the profound sense of shame I feel.
I am deeply embarrassed that I allowed myself to reach this point. I held onto the belief that if I persisted, I would eventually secure a significant win and recover my losses, yet we all understand that this is rarely the outcome.
On a lightly positive note, I have recognised this realisation early in my relapse; however, the mere thought of seeing a zero balance in my savings account induces a physical sense of nausea.
For the past couple of years, I had envisioned various aspirations and purchases that I refrained from pursuing in an effort to be ‘sensible’, yet I had no reservations about depleting my account.
I am uncertain how long it will take to rebuild my savings, but I believe the aftermath of this experience is the most challenging aspect for me. I constantly reflect on all the things I could have done with my savings.
Consequently, I have resolved to impose a year-long hiatus from social activities as a form of self-discipline in an attempt to save.
I am unsure of where I am going with this, but I am curious to know if others have encountered similar predicaments.
Thanks for listening
Hello there. Your story is very similar to mine only my problem was risky stock market investment through the AIM market etc
I did not track or record deals and the connections to large dealing costs was very delusional regarding my skillset and followed the herd all to often Even now I cannot calculate the losses but I now know the true value of money
You have beaten this addiction before and this time will be even better I would try to volunteer helping others in need and look after your all round health so you thrive going forward
What I say is simplistic but start right now no messing and we are all here to help
Best MH
Hi Josh i had a Similar story i was clean for nearly 3 years and i made a terrible decision to register in a new casino after being in this hell hole for the previous 10 years i felt as i was more aware of the outcome i will only use the bonus they were offering big mistake i had 3 major relapses after this and only recently realised the importance of placeing the first bet, i use the online services to remind myself how dangerous this addiction can be for me and i simply cannot go throught with it again since my last relapse i have manage 433 days the difference i simply understand the importance of being complacency and if i do get test in the future i am in good hands as it a life long illness
This is a common story on these forums I have read thousands of almost identical posts In the past
Strip away the melodrama and everyone is the same just lacking self control and giving into compulsive behaviour patterns
I am no exception although the worst of my gambling days are behind me in recent years P*rn , s*x and petty shoplifting have taken its place
Humans generally have vices in all kinds of forms the key to beating them is separating tomorrow from today
Today you 12K down tomorrow you start doing something to make that money back
Positive spirals move exactly the same as negative ones just depends which direction you want to go in
One thing I will note is that 12K in a month is on the extreme end of the addiction and I would seriously suggest professional help if you are at that level of compulsion
@i7r9twun1f thank you so much for your kind words, we can do it !
@tazman this is refreshing, well done for being 433 days clean! That’s amazing - at the moment all I can think about is the losses but I sure will look back on this as a learning curve.
@287hzyl0pq thanks, I’ve decided I will try and save an extra amount a month to try and make it back.
it definitely is, I don’t know how or why I did it but I’ve now banned myself. Do you know of any therapist/psychologist forums that deal with gambling ?
Shame unfortunately is a hard feeling to shift, but it’s a must. We have all felt the shame, embarrassment, regret, and set backs that come with this addiction. The fact you have recognised it and come for help is a huge step forward. To be clean for so long and then to take 1 step back, and that’s all it is, is a huge win. Realising you have hit a stumbling block rather than continuing is 2 steps forward for most people so think of it like that. 1 step back, 2 steps forward in recovery.
What’s happened has happened. How you react now is how you win. You can’t change anything and realising that is the only way forward. Chasing is more steps back than you want to imagine!
Stay strong 💪
Hi
Shame indicates that you are living in the pains of your past unhealthy actions and unhealthy words or lack of healthy actions or lack of healthy words.
Stick with going to recovery meetings you will find a much healthier life.
Just understand that you were emotionally vulnerable in the past.
If you put work in to fulfilling your healthy needs, put work in to fulfilling your healthy wants put work in to fulfilling your healthy goals.
Over a long period of time people mention procrastinating as being unhealthy.
Over a long period of time people mention living in fear as being unhealthy.
living in fear stops us from having healthy intimacy with our self and with other people.
Invest time and effort in to your self
Dave L
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
