Sick of being sick

Hi Marcella I'm 46 and bee gambling since I was 10 too , your story is exactly the same as mine . I've gave up countless times and today I've just lost £800 pounds which is everything I had . I'm going to stop now and start a new year gamble free , the lies , the sorrow , the constant worrying it's like life has stopped . No more I've had enough working every day and nothing to show for it . I'm renting and have no saving it does feel hopeless but there's always hope . Maybe we can help each other . I'm going to do a post every day . My target is 12 months and new years day is day one , hope to here from you . Loz

hi Lozcooper72 mate

just read your last post on Marcellas post,and it mirrors myself

been gambling since about 12 years old

struggled to give up

am on gamstop so dont play online,baned from all bookies but the last few months have been gambling in agc (arcades) lost 850 today so skint now

went to the office to ask to be self excluded was told i have to come back after 24 hours with copy of passport etc,why they have to make it so difficult to self exclude

i start again tm day one

so i have printed out the docs and have to go back tm to ban myself

Hey Marcella

Thank you so much for the powerful post on my diary and also the insight and honesty you bring on your diary. I know you've only joined here recently but I really hope you stick around the forum and stay in touch with me as something tells me you have a wealth of insight and wisdom to offer me and others on here... Maybe that insight and wisdom that is borne out of a wealth of pain and destruction that you've experienced as a result of the gambling... My senses tell me it is...

I think it's the candid nature of what you say and how you write... I really resonate with your words and hope we can help and support each other through our respective recoveries. Happy new year friend.

This is a brilliant thread. It has made me feel less alone. Glad to be part of your journey, guys, and glad you're all part of mine.

Good afternoon and happy new year friends. Quiet one for me last night, brought in the new year with a smile though! It like I have regained my senses after years of being in the dark. That's me nearly 5 days gf and i know there is still a lot of work to do and a long long road ahead but I know it's the right road. Quiet day ahead, never even looked at the sporting fixtures today. I know my triggers and controlling them is the key.

Thanks for the kind words signalman. I plan on sticking around on here for a long time yet. I am addicted to seeing the gf day counter going up! I think I can trace all the pain and destruction in my life back to gambling. There is a lot of pain but I am determined to leave that in the past and let it go as the past can't be changed. I am the captain of my soul!

Lozcooper, there is always hope! I aim on taking on one day at a time! If we don't gamble today, we can do the same tomorrow. Keep your chin up old pal...from here to a year!!

Hey mjb4000.
Too many times in the past have I lost my wages and struggled through. I started off gambling in my younger days in the arcade and used to wait on them opening in the morning. I only stopped as the owner of the arcade became a good friend and showed me that I could not win on the machines. It's bad that they would not self exclude you straight away. Shows them up for what they really are. Stay strong my friend...new year new beginning.
Carpe diem.

Happy new year mate. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter! All the best

Good vibes on this thread. Happy new year all!

Good evening friends.
It's been a busy one today. I would not say I had an urge to gamble but I was determined not to let that urge seep into my mind so kept myself doing chores all day. Been productive and kept the monster at bay! If I could do this everyday would I be cured?! Is it that easy?! Time will tell but for today, I will not gamble. I have read many threads on this site and realise that everyone is fighting their own personal battle. We are all in it together, with each others support we will win.
Thanks silee70, glad your feeling the vibes!
Carpe diem.

Good morning friends.
I am happy to tell you that I have reached a week gamble free! From little acorns, tall trees grow!! I feel really good and I have my daughter for the next few days so she will definitely keep me busy. I know there will be tough times ahead but I am positive I can overcome them. One day at a time.
Carpe diem.

Keep it up ! We are all members of this club who want everyone to succeed

These posts and forum are really inspiring me thanks all. Like many I have suffered with a gambling problem since I was 16 and blown thousands (estimate 80-100k). I am determined to make 2019 a GF year and get my finances and life back in order as this has got a strong grip on me where I feel agitated if I can’t place a bet. 3 days GF for me so far so onwards and upwards each day I feel better and stronger. Fortunately for me I ruined my credit rating 6 years ago which has made finding credit extremely difficult other than payday loans etc. I would strongly advise anyone who has had payday loans to try and claim against them (for free) as you were probably mis-sold (which hasn’t helped your situation) but that’s a seperate issue. I have 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 5 months) and an amazing girlfriend who wants an engagement ring (which I have never been able to afford coz of gambling habits). This will change in 2019 and she will get the ring she has wanted for the last 8 years this is my motivation. I have a well paid job (45k) which will resolve my debts (14k left to find) but the main issue for me is the mindset and how gambling makes me feel. I now have an anxiety problem and suffer panic attacks which makes me introverted in personality when I am an extrovert naturally. I find this incredibly difficult as it’s like I’m putting on a front impersonating the man I used to be. I need to change hence coming to this forum. This is a bit of a brain dump just to get things off my chest and written down I respect anyone that takes time out to read this. Thank you and good luck all.

Hi Marcella, A very happy New Year to you too. Seems like you're doing very well and avoiding the gambling, keep it up long term it will benefit us all. Congrats on your first GF week!! It's hard with very little money and I have been tempted to play but haven't. I know you post many comments and this is a help. Also great you have been seeing your daughter. I fully understand when you say the need to gamble is when you part from her and you have time alone. Seems like you're keeping busy, that's definitely the secret. I wish you all the best and let's hope we can keep going all year GF. Cheers for now Stew.

Hello and thank you for your post on my diary. Well done on achieving a week gamble free. The early days are the most difficult - but watching the days counter keep rolling is motivating. I’m well annoyed I’ve lost my 82 day streak - but lessons are still learnt despite a 48 hour daft relapse. I’ve had a good look at my finances for the coming weeks and next month too. I know that I’m great managing my monthly budget with everything except gambling . I owe a lot of money and don’t earn a great deal but focusing on the debt hasn’t helped me in the past. I now focus on each month being manageable rather than pinpointing when I will be debt free . The fact that this is many years away is depressing and best not considered ! Keep posting and things will get easier as you think less about gambling, just always be on your guard . Complacency creeps up on you - that’s my experience anyway !

Wishing you well treading the gamble free path !

Good evening friends. Hope this post finds everyone well. I have had a really good day with family. Have not had anytime to think about gambling or placing a bet.
Thanks for your post Matthew. I understand what you mean when you say you get agitated if you don't gamble for a few days. A few weeks ago I was actually running to the bookies ro put a big bet on. I felt so anxious and the need to put the bet on was so strong, I ran in the pouring rain with no jacket and the relief was so great when I handed the money over! I think about that time very often. I work so so hard for my money and here I was giving it away and actually feeling relieved when it was gone! Dopamine hit and stupidity, I knew things had to change. Focus on your daughters and partner. Trust me, if you continue to gamble you will lose everything. I would suggest you tell your partner, lighten your load a little as she had bound to have seen a change in you. Get all the blocks in place and seek out a ga meeting. Do everything in your power, not just for you but your family, to stop the gambling monster.
Thanks stew. I intend not to turn back to the dark side. The big test, as always, is pay day. I have the blocks in place though so I am quietly confident.
I know what you mean boxingdayfresh with complacency. I have been here before where I think all is ok but then I fall into the trap as we all have done. I am under no illusions this time though and posting on here and reading people's comments have helped me so much. It makes me realise I am not alone. Gambling can take everything from you in a second and I am determined not to give it anything else.
Carpe diem.

Hey mate

Thanks for your post on my diary, thought provoking as always.

"I could lose thousands and still be full of smiles" jeez - i thought I was the only one. It's scares me to this day how I reacted after doing my load. Emotionless, like a psychopath. No tears, no regrets, no remorse for failing my wife and son... Just s**t bad luck I told myself then went and made myself a cuppa. How f*****g deluded. How sick was I...

So great to hear you had a ZX Spectrum! For some reason I always seem to trick myself into thinking I was the only one in the world to own this piece of kit... Such bizarre games. Some of them definitely warped my mind.