Sick of being sick

Marcella wrote: I have worked since I was 16 and have nothing to show for it. Rented flat, old clothes, old car and an old head on young shoulders. I have confessed to my family, wept as I have broken girlfriends hearts and confessed to strangers at ga meetings but always revert to type.

I was just reading your first post with some interest. It was inspiring for me. But that aside, this bit jumped out at me because it smacks of a guy who has lived like this for so long that after a period of abstainence they don't see enough change quickly enough so they 'revert to type' as you say.

Are you going to be 50 with rented flat, old car, old clothes etc? For you to write that it made me wonder if you are in fact comfortable with this lifestyle as you have got used to it and it's easier to maintain than years of abstainence, planning, determination and dedication for what you perceive as your piece of the pie.

Because let me assure you Marcella... If you REALLY WANT IT you can be 50 and have the mortgage, the new car and new clothes... But it will take time and years of graft to build up to that point. There's no point grafting towards that then getting to 41 and realising these things are still far away in the distance and just doing your load again out of anger or hopelessness.

Guess what. Acts borne out of hopelessness breed more hopelessness. What's your plan man? Make one, work to it, stick to it. Accept the amount of damage you've done to your life as a result of never really having a clear plan then accept that damage is going to take at least 10 years to fix. The get on with and make sure that you work day by day towards your plan - further damage is not an option. 50+ could be the best days of your life. If you want that.

Hi

I am on day 5 I have used gamstop and for the first time in about 8 years I feel free! If I could gamble online I would but I now can’t simple as that. Sign up to GameStop if you have not already that’s one source gone. I totally understand how you feel I’m a 37 year old mum good job lovely family but gambling’s ruined me being a mom and I’m finally ready to sort myself out I’ve said it many times I wish you so much luck kicking this evil habit xxx

Marcella wrote: Good evening friends. Hope this post finds everyone well. I have had a really good day with family. Have not had anytime to think about gambling or placing a bet. Thanks for your post Matthew. I understand what you mean when you say you get agitated if you don't gamble for a few days. A few weeks ago I was actually running to the bookies ro put a big bet on. I felt so anxious and the need to put the bet on was so strong, I ran in the pouring rain with no jacket and the relief was so great when I handed the money over! I think about that time very often. I work so so hard for my money and here I was giving it away and actually feeling relieved when it was gone! Dopamine hit and stupidity, I knew things had to change. Focus on your daughters and partner. Trust me, if you continue to gamble you will lose everything. I would suggest you tell your partner, lighten your load a little as she had bound to have seen a change in you. Get all the blocks in place and seek out a ga meeting. Do everything in your power, not just for you but your family, to stop the gambling monster. Thanks stew. I intend not to turn back to the dark side. The big test, as always, is pay day. I have the blocks in place though so I am quietly confident. I know what you mean boxingdayfresh with complacency. I have been here before where I think all is ok but then I fall into the trap as we all have done. I am under no illusions this time though and posting on here and reading people's comments have helped me so much. It makes me realise I am not alone. Gambling can take everything from you in a second and I am determined not to give it anything else. Carpe diem.

Thanks for the response Marcella. Through Saturday which is always the hardest day for me (bloody horse racing!) and back to work Monday so that will take my mind off it. I’m taking my eye off day counting to be honest just taking one day at a time and not wasting a new year opportunity to better myself. Feeling strong and positive. All my family know about my gambling addiction I have admitted everything and in process of repaying all debts back so that’s one hurdle out the way - I will consider the ga meetings but had mixed reviews so not sure if they are worthwhile? This forum is brilliant so glad i signed up.

Good evening troops. Been another gf day. Kept myself really busy and to be fair never really thought about the fixtures today. It is weird how my focus has shifted away from gambling. Saturday used to be all about gambling but now I determined to use my time alot better. I will never get the money, time or energy back that I have wasted on gambling but I sure as he'll won't lose anymore to it.
Thanks as always for the post and support and I will answer them tomorrow. Hope everyone is staying strong.
Carpe diem.

Hi

Well done achieving double figures. Small milestones do help with that sense of achievement in my eyes., I’m on day four this time around / but in it for the long haul. I look fwd to always being just six days behind you ! I’m now registered with Gamstop which was surprisingly easy - so nice not to be able to gamble online. There’s no way round it I’ve given them both my email addresses, current and previous addresses etc as I want to close any loop holes. Best wishes on your continued journey.

Good evening friends. It's been a lazy Sunday today. On the plus side I have reached double figures...10 days gf! Have not really been tempted thus far but I know this will come as soon as payday arrives. Bryan put something on his thread that made me think...time, money and opportunity! The 3 things needed for any gambler. The opportunity will always be there for me and the money will come back so it's important for me to use my time wisely.
I know what you mean about a Saturday Matthew. There is so much to lose your money on. I am trying to treat it like any other day. Give the ga meeting a go. You might be surprised at how helpful they are.
Don't kid yourself signalman, the games on the spectrum were bad...at least our kids won't have to suffer chuckie egg and paperboy!! I know when I lost alot of money my insides would be screaming with hurt and anger but on the outside it was like the world was my oyster!! I guess we are all psychotic in our own way. I have lived the way I have for so long it's only now that I can see the change. Honestly sig, it's like a great mystery has been revealed to me. I would trade money, house, cars etc for one thing...to be at peace with myself. I have a plan for the next 10 years and I know it's not going to be easy but I am ready for it! Everyday is a gift, not a right! I am living one day at a time for now, the future will take care of itself. I know one thing though, gambling is not part of that future and can never be. Everyday without gambling is the best day of my life!
Carpe diem.

I had a zx spectrum nothing wrong with paperboy and chuckie egg. Lol. Good to see you still doing alright

Marcella

Loving the fighting talk I'm hearing from you... Absolutely loving it. Go for that better life... It awaits you.

Also... What a incredible game paperboy was. Absolutely boss.

Good evening friends.
First day back at work after a 2 week holiday! Monday blues alright! Never had time to think about gambling so I suppose it's a good thing! I am out in all weathers and I can't believe I have given my hard earned money to the bookies! Never again! Stay strong.
Carpe diem.

Good evening comrades.
I hope everyone is well. Another day gf. I forced myself to look at my last 6 years of bank statements last night. It makes terrible reading, all the online deposits, winnings coming in and leaving just as fast! It's really sobering looking at the effects of gambling in the cold light of day. I know it's made a mess of my finances, what state has it made of my mind?! Anyway, no more! Not a penny, not a second will it get from me!
Carpe diem.

Good evening friends.
Happy to report another gf day. It's 2 weeks tomorrow since u came to my senses and I still feel really positive. It is strange though how gambling seeps it's way into my mind even now. When there is a conversation about a football match my mind automatically thinks about odds. It takes a few seconds for me to push these thoughts away. I guess I need to retrain the brain. Still, undefeated as yet!
Carpe diem.

WELL DONE!

Your right there Marcello us gamblers need to retrain our Brains. There has been studies about the Brain changes Gambling causes

Good evening travellers.
Very busy day today! Can't quite believe I have reached a full 2 weeks without gambling! Staying positive has definitely been the key for me! It will be a big week though as I get paid tomorrow. Have all the blocks in place. However, I just do not want to gamble! Never thought I would be able to say that on a pay day eve!! Retraining my brain!!
Carpe diem.

Good evening friends.
It's been a busy day but the first day in years I have not list a penny to the bookies on payday! The blocks I put in place are working so far and I have the light of my life all weekend so no trip to the bookies even if I wanted to!! Still feel very positive and feel a weight has been lifted from me! Need to always guard against complacency though as being an addict I know I could slip anytime. I have worked out my triggers and so far so good.
Carpe diem.