Just got paid and after paying some bills have gambled rest away on online slots.. What am I doing? I am an educated woman with fulltime job but have nothing to show for it after 7+ years gambling. Now I'm going to spend next few months trying to act normal while trying to juggle next set of bills and Xmas shopping etc.. My gambling led me to sell my house to pay debts... Had little money left over but guess what, that was gambled away too. Parents took me and kids in and I 'm supposed to be saving to move in to rental. That was over 2 years ago! Been to GA but couldn't really open up there though met some nice folks. Just feel total failure, ashamed of what I've done to my family. Wish I could open up to them as I think it's trying to pretend everything OK that is stopping me moving forward. And I just think that there's no way out of this...gambling has me beat.
It doesn't have to though...You have been on this site long enough to know recovery is possible - I stole that line from my good friend Ade2 coz he's absolutely right!
I spent 30 years damaging myself but I'm heading forwards now with just an occasional glance back when I need to remember howm uch it used to hurt...My shame will never go away!
Suck it up, stick 2 fingers up to addiction by getting it out into the open & then you will be able to move forwards with your chin held high because it doesn't control you, you control it - ODAAT
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Thank you for support. Yes I joined site but only now using it.. Like the idea of sticking two fingers up to gambling by getting it out in open. Not sure ready for that but know day will come. Scared of hurting people close to me.
Sorry for duplication... Internet slow and thought hadn't posted. New to this
I do understand that, I really do, so many people to let down but whether your parents are burying their heads in the sand or just don't want to broach why you are so broken, don't you think you owe them a bit of honesty? They care enough to have taken you in & whilst they will never understand the addiction, they will hopefully be strong enough to cope themselves & support you @ the same time (there is help available for them if they want or need it)!
If not for you, do it for your children...I am the prouduct of a CG who despite having lost our home, 'borrowed' thousands off of my Nan, log book loans, pawned family jewellery, stole out of my wardrobe whilst I was sleeping & is now living rent free in my flat (to mention a few bits), cannot see she has a problem & doesn't understand why she should pay rent because I only have that flat because of money handed down to me by-passing her! It fills me with hope that you are here & not just for one post this time, not for me, (my heart cannot break any more for the mess my mother becomes) but because by accepting you are powerless to addiction & taking all the help available, you may be able to turn it around for your children!
Why don't you give Gamcare a call, get over into the recovery diary section & get yourself started there...It is a safe haven when the urges come & then use every bit of strength to come clean to one if not both of your parents? What do you have to lose? Can anything make you hurt more than hitting the self destruct button the way you are?
It's hard letting go, I understand but when you think about what Mr Gamble has ever done for you, I don't imagine there'll be too many times when you have really been happy throughout these last 7 or so years! Happiness is out there, in fact in amongst all the family bickering, it's probably under your roof right now, just waiting for you to realise it's there!
You can do this - ODAAT
Thanks. I'll look at the recovery diaries tonight. At work, bleary eyed after sleepless night! Appreciate your input, especially from someone who has experienced a CG parent.
Hi Dell. Only we can make things better. I am going through the same thing as you and on Sunday there was not light left in my tunnel at all. Keep strong x
If you do no more than look @ one...duncanmac's Abstain & maintain, is a good start! He didn't place a bet for 18 months before a slip took him to rock bottom & to really find recovery! He writes beautifully & has figured out a way to cope with depression...Maybe not start @ the start but I've been following him avidly since I joined.
day@atime's My life with addiction is a soul searcher, completely different approach but full of experience!
You deserve better than to feel like this. Give yourself a chance @ recovery - ODAAT
You know gambling has defeated you so end the war now. Then the days of deluding yourself that you might win will be over too.
Have now started recovery diary. One day at a time now..
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