Similar Story

Hi Titchy

You are in a similar position to where i was 6 months ago, except eventualy my fiance (now wife) found out when i had to come clean due to an imminent meeting we had booked with a financial advisor.

I know this might not be possible for you, as i was too scared to do it myself, but telling my other half that i had a problem and sharing it with her is the single thing that set me on the path to beating this.

She took control of our finances, limiting my access to cash & online accounts (my decision.)

If you dont want to do that, dont feel you will be fighting this alone, you have everyone on these pages fighting with you.

The fact that you have self excluded and joined here shows you want to beat it, so congratuations on that.

Spending a couple of hours on here reading similar stories will still give you loads of ideas, and loads of pointers, you will see similarities and get plenty of useful advice from some extremely kind and helpful people.

Good luck today, tommorrow and the rest of the week. Short term goals 1st.

Hi Titchy, welcome to the Forum and thank you for sharing such a sincere and honest post,

You are not a selfish person my friend - gambling makes you commit selfish acts, but this isn't who you truly are.

I can understand, as anyone would, why you wouldn't want to tell your fiancee, but this gives you two significant problems my friend:

1) This is a lot to carry on your shoulders - gambling isolates you significantly, and it is always better to get it out in the open. Keeping so many secrets also increases the pressure on you to put it right, which only serves to drive you down more

2) She is very likely to find out by her own accord, and it is unlikely that she isn't suspicious already - this scenario would be a thousand times worse than being honest and upfront, and would almost certainly bring your relationship to a close. If you read the "Friends and Family" section of this Forum, you will see many, many stories where this has happened, and partners almost always say the same thing - they can deal with lost money, but they can't deal with the loss of trust.

If you cannot bring yourself to tell her, then use it to your advantage my friend, use it as a catalyst to stop gambling once and for all. You have some control before you start, tell yourself that your first bet/spin (which will send you spiralling into oblivion) is another step towards having to tell your fiancee everything.

The majority of people come here when it is too late my friend - I certainly did; I gambled for twenty years, lost £350,000, two homes and two partners, as well as all my material possessions several times over. At this moment, you are lucky enough to still be at the crossroads, but you have a very limited time to either stop and hold onto everything, or lose everything.

If you want to keep everything, then it has to be full stop, zero tolerance, from now on. Self-excluding is good, blocking software, like K9, Betfilter or Gamblock is better. Then think about some counselling or attending GA - spend some time getting to know this affliction and how it affects you.

The bottom line is that urges are only temporary, they soon pass - the more you work through, then the more they will lessen in time; keep your mind occupied and, if it leaves gaps in your life, then push yourself to fill them - since stopping, I do charity work, go hiking, write, sing and so much more; gambling is a self-destructive entity - any supposed "buzz" is based on a lie, that we can walk away at any point, or use "winnings" to spend and pay off debt like anyone else. That is something that just isn't possible for me, you and just about everyone else here - we just aren't built that way. These other pursuits give me genuine happiness and fulfillment, something gambling can never give you and never will.

Value this opportunity my friend. Imagine your life in six months if you carry on, and imagine it if you stop now, completely. If you stop, you are very likely to be able to look back at this time with a huge sigh of relief, knowing you did what you had to do. If not, then you are very likely to have lost everything and have more debt than you can manage.

This is in your hands my friend - it won't be long before it won't be. Take this opportunity with both hands and draw a line under what has happened - that money is never coming back and never will, but you can still hold onto everything you hold dear, don't let that go without giving it everything you have.

JamesP

Can I just say, that I have only been gamble free for a week but the words you have just used JamesP have truly inspired me to put this compulsive disease to rest.