smart handsome guy thinks he's special and losses 60k in 25hrs

monrovia wrote:

ALN

harsh but fair.

Just want you to know that I have beaten my previous demons before. I was a hopeless coke addict and stopped and a terrible binge eater but lost the weight through discipline. When I met my wife I confessed all the previous stuff and have had several relapses but the general trend is positive. I will now put all my focus into doing the same with gambling. I will overcome it and I will tell her, but I have to have the right moment.

Sorry if I came accross self-pitying. I'm not. I'm angry and don't want forgiveness or to be excused. I made the choices and was not co-erced. I am sick and need help but I have known that for some time and also chose not to act. I have a doc appointment tomorrow so no more hiding or coping alone.

I appreciate all comments so thanks for posting.

Make sure you tackle to root of all your addictions, sounds like you can quite easily fall into another addiction.. All the best.

I've just finshed work come to bed and Im itching to put a teener through the slots online.... O wait I can't thak God for gamstop

Do you have to drink alcohol ? especially when alone ? As you know, when you drink - even a little - what was a bad idea becomes a good idea. The reason alcoholic drinks are free in Vegas & other casinos is that their consumption disinhibits gamblers makes them even more reckless & so they lose a lot more. That was a £1500 half bottle of wine you drank. So seriously think about the knock-on effects of drinking especially when you're alone. Even the morning after it can have a disinhibiting effect.

Davey- you're right, especially about drinking alone. I'm working on that too! Day 2 no gambling but can't say I don't want to but its not going to happen

It's so hard ain't it struggles are didn't think I'd be I'm like Holly s**t I've got a problem

Yep its hard realising that we have a real actual problem that isn't going to go away unless we do something. Mate this is worse than anything I've done before. Basically I took my hard earned 60 grand and threw it down the toilet. Its hard to come back from that and it has knocked me off my feet. For a week I couldn't sleep, eat or concentrate on anything. I've just about accepted it now and began the fight back. There is no way I am going to let these c****s ruin my life or shatter my confidence.

I don't have that amount to loose I'm a single mum work part time and get tax credits and a little help from housing benefit I'm in a council property so got no morgatage or be able to re morgatage but council can take my property of me if I don't sort my life out, still I'm going out my means, I've paid council 495 so far still 657 to go but I can keep my home, aslong as i dont gamble ill be ok, I'm so skint though I've got 2.50 in my pocket and I keep thinking about bookies try make a score at least, I've never even been in bookies I feel so restless and agitated this is worse than I thought the battle is hard

Yes I've been there too. No kids but resorting to pinching the odd thing from the supermarket to tide me over. That was 10 years ago. Things can change I promise you they really can. thats another reason I'm so angry with myself. Its a form of self harm. You hit the nail on the head with your last post- as long as you don't gamble you'll be alright. Its not only the money its the c**P way you feel after losing. That feeling affects your confidence and will stop you doing good things and finding real solutions. There is no get rich quick but you can make money if you use your wits. Stay strong.

To Monrovia, the thing is you're at the life equivalent right now of having hard 18 at blackjack with the dealer showing an upcard of 10 - you know the right thing to do is to stick. Look at the potential downside of continuing to gamble: get loans & lose them, remortgage the house to pay the loans back lose the value of the remortgage lose the house, meaning you'll have to come clean to your wife who will feel betrayed & mortified & disillusioned resulting in divorce. Quit now while the going is still (relatively) good. You haven't lost everything but you can & will if you continue to gamble.

Look at stories such as Terry Ramsden's for example (google search). He is said to have won around £43 million from l*******s in one day, yet ended up skint & imprisoned for bankruptcy fraud. He is still skint now & was allegedly seen playing FOBT's in desperation in a London bookies. The point is - be thankful for what you have, not what you haven't or have lost, & focus on that. The more you have the longer the way down & the bigger / more painful the loss. You have too much to lose to continue gambling. Maybe suggest going on holiday to your wife to have a break & get some perspective ? There are plenty of people out there who've been in better positions than you who have then lost it all gambling and are now penniless - is that a position you want to find yourself in ?

davey- spot on with your last post. Thanks I need to hear that even if I already know it, its good to get confirmation. I can re-build what I lost if I just rise up from my (self-induced) decline and draw a line and stop dreaming. I was silly enough to believe I was somehow different or special and could win 'in the end'. What I have learned is that there is no end unless you stop gambling completely. There may be breaks and periods of no gambling but unless you say enough! then the house will always win. Thanks for caring and commenting. No one ever said it was going to be easy did they? The very day I lost the big one a friend had actually told me to stop as it was going to end badly.

ALN- I have a councellor assigned to me from a local organisation specialising in these matters but unfortunately can't see me till a week Tuesday. I have called a helpline a couple of times when I really needed to talk. I've self excluded myself from all the websites since Thursday and so this is day 4 gamble free. I told a good friend who was shocked but not surprised and unlike everyone else on here, advised me to not tell my wife just yet until the moment was right.

Err..what else? I am still waiting to hear if my particular story might help change the law or the regulations on FOBTs - I can't talk about that now but I will share when I have a resolution. And I have started talks about a new business venture which will put my daily focus back on productive matters. At best I can start paying back the money and at worst at least it will keep my mind and body busy on something other than this stuff. I've stopped feeling suicidal and now just feel grimly determined to get back on track. I plan to go to GA tomorrow and will also schedule a meeting with my GP this week to get some general addiction therapy/help/medication/whatever they feel is best.

Most importantly I think, is that I have 100% realised that I have absolutely 0 chance of trying to gamble my way out of this situation.

I know you think its vital to tell her and soon but bear with me on that please, and thanks, really, for your concern.

You may be right - only time will tell but I feel confident I can keep control of my finances, cards etc. This episode has been such a big shock and massive behaviour change for me, I have never done anything like this before. I just think my problem isn't specific to gambling but a general addiction problem and I need to get to the root of that. Yes you're right I have a long way to go but I have made small inroads and progress.

Having been on the receiving end of 'waiting until the time is right' I can assure you there isn't one. Waiting to tell her takes away your wife's informed choices. Not making yourself accountable makes it very much easier for you to continue to gamble in secret if and when the urge strikes and it means risking her finding out by chance.

She is going to find out. How would you prefer that to happen?

How are you?