Spreadbetter

Hiya Emma 

So sorry to read your post but also know how you feel, we often get to a massive loss before we admit we've got a problem as there's no where to run and nowhere to hide. I don't know what you lost but a couple of months back I relapsed myself. I had been gamble free for over a year so thought I would deposit  £10 on roulette after an hour I lost nearly  £8000 . I couldn't believe it this was massive as I'd used my partners PayPal account and there was nowhere I could turn to hide this. My head was in some mess I thought I wouldn't get over this. All I can say is you've got to reach out for help. Starting with taking to the advisors on this site as they've got alot of insight into where we can go from here. I signed up to gamstop and gameban then reached out to get as much help as I could as I'm a problem gambler and needed blocks in place in case I relapsed again. But I've not gambled from that day plus found it alot easier when I had to tell my partner as didn't have to hide this secret anymore. I'm still getting over the consequences now but atleast plans are in place 

Thank you for your kindness.

i can’t sleep, I’m reeling inside.  I’m trying to work out a way of not having that loss found out.   It’s destroying me.  I don’t know what to do

emma I totally relate to you although I had a retail account , for me I was so sure certain things would go up that when the margin call came I put in more and more to defend my position and ended up losing £3000 in 4 weeks , the stupid thing was when I put in a trade I became manic looking at it every 5 minutes so my mental health deteriorated . Now ive put a stop to it for 4 weeks and a day at a time and with the help of gamcare I dont intend to again . These sites are as lethal as fruit machines.

Hi Emma,

I'm really sorry to hear that you struggled to sleep last night and do hope that you did manage to get some sleep in the end.

I understand how difficult it can be having things going around in your mind but being unable to find a solution. Sometimes in such situations it can really help to talk to someone else who understands some of what you are going through. 

It's so important that you don't feel you have to go through this all alone, one of our Advisers would welcome the opportunity to support you in finding a way forward. 

You can either ring through on 0808 8020 133 or if it's easier talk to them via our NetLine

Kind regards

ChrisK

Forum Admin

Very bad day yesterday, beating myself up over how much i've lost in that one evening.  This is day 8.  Yesterday i sat in the car and called netline.  Didn't get through, as you were too busy, but it was comforting listening to the music while I waited, knowing that you were all helping others, and that there is help there from people who understand.  Thank you.    No one knows at home, for now.  I'm trying to work out a way of covering the loss up, time will help as I can slowly put money back into that account.  Its so daunting though, terrifying really, just such a huge way to go.  The awful thing is, the easy option is to gamble and get it back.  That's what i'm afraid of, digging the hole into a place where there is absolutely no comeback.   I am trying to be gentle with myself, telling myself that I have a form of illness, but i feel so ruddy alone and stupid.  This forum / site is my only outlet really.  pathetic, i'm absolutely pathetic

Hi Emma. 

Thank you for continuing to use the Forum. I am glad that you are finding it a useful outlet for all you have going on right now. 

I was very sorry to read you tried to speak with the advisers yesterday and that you couldn't get through. This must have been very frustrating for you. The advisers are available 24/7 and if you do struggle getting through straight away it might be worth hanging on for a little longer. Alternatively you could try again anytime. It sounds like it certainly would be beneficial for you to speak to someone about this. 

In the mean time, have you thought about registering for Gamstop? You could also look at downloading blocking software to block your access to gambling. For this you could look at Gamban or Betblocker but there are many out there to choose from. 

Please keep using the forum and take care. 

Rebecca, 

Forum Admin. 

Hi Emma . I get the feeling big time of feeling alone and stupid they are very uncomfortable feelings. I really don't understand anything of what you said you have done and how you lost the money but I don't need to gambling is gambling whether it's online in a casino or in a bookies. There are common threads for all gambling. The good thing is is that you have identified that you have this addiction and you want to get better. Is there any way of installing software to block you doing this again, blocking my access to online gambling websites has been a gamechanger for me. It's not a cure but it's a good tool that you can use, when you can't bet it gives your mind the chance to start healing and to look at what else you can do to aid your recovery. Keep trying to get through to Gamcare advisors and keep posting on here. Stop beating yourself up try to put loses behind you(not easy I know) and slowly move forward you can do it. I gambled daily for about 2years now I'm 55days today without gambling and I'm feeling stronger, calmer, HAPPIER ! I  will never take my recovery for granted. Good luck I hope you get on the recovery road x

thank you @charlieboy   how did you cope day to day - i feel so lost, this has been such a large part of my life for so long now I simply don't know how to proceed.  I broke down today, and finally told a close friend.  They were around when i did similar around 10 years ish ago.  I promised I'd never get back into that same position.  My family still do not know, but its so hard trying to be normal, when all i want to do is scream.  I cannot believe that i allowed myself to get into this position.  Was a sort of red haze thing.   This is day 10.  I'm sleeping by drinking lots and taking nytol.  Rationally i know time will pass and i will get through this, but for the moment the struggle is momentous.  I find it hard to breath when i think back to it, and what I did.  

Hi Emma. I totally understand gambling was my go to if I was stressed, upset, argued with hubby. Then eventually it was just my go to..no excuse required. And yes I was totally lost especially in the evening and into the night. I must be honest I spent a lot of time on here reading people's stories and posting I found it very therapeutic. We also have 2dogs and I started going for our last walk later and with our son and we walked further. Also instead of staying up till 1-2 o'clock I make 11 my latest initially I couldn't fall asleep but I've persisted and now I'm getting the benefit of more sleep. What is stopping you telling your family?

I can’t tell my family because of the shame, they’d lose their respect for me. Trading, or gambling as I now call it has been part of my life for such a long time, with full support from them.  I promised I’d never let my self get into an over leveraged position again when I had a red haze moment all those years ago.   

@emmapoint

The emotion that you are struggling with towards your parents is pride. If you let your pride get in the way of doing something that will ultimately help you it becomes false pride.

Do you think your parents would really be unsupportive and judgemental towards you for having an illness?

They can share your burden, help with looking after money, support you with encouraging meetings like GA. Maybe they would be disappointed in you, I imagine you are too, but that's a small price to pay for not relapsing and getting the support you need.

No one said this should be an easy addiction to keep at bay but the more work you put into it the better chance you have, and one of the main things to do is tell those closest to us.

Chris.

@chris-uk

no it’s not my parents, it’s my husband and grown up children.  It’s not pride, I have none left, it’s fear 

@emmapoint

Okay, husband and kids instead of parents.

The same applies. If it's fear that's stopping you maybe think of this acronym. Fear can stand for FxxK everything and run or face everything and recover. You have a choice and the longer you leave it the worse it seems. I have sat in GA meetings for over 30 years and I have heard so many people say they can't tell their loved ones, they won't understand, they'll judge me, they'll leave me. All of that is true, it's all possible, but the majority of the time what happens is support and love.

Fear, like pride, will hold you back, but the relief of sharing a problem is greater than the outcome of sharing that problem. At the moment you are alone with your thoughts and worries and addiction, and although we, or I , understand, I can't really help you other than through my own experience.

I can't tell you what to do, all I can suggest is what I did through my own experiences. They weren't easy, some of the conversations I had to have, and sometimes I didn't even have them. I ran away and I made things worse. Always worse, never better.

If you can find the courage please do. What you do is to help you, not to worry what will happen by being honest.

One more little GA bit of help. We use the word HOW quite a lot in recovery. How do I stop, how do I move on with my life, how do I get better?

H is for honesty. Honest with yourself and with others.

O is for open minded. Be open to the idea that you don't know it all, that others might have a better way, be open minded to new ideas that you haven't tried.

W is for willingness. Just be willing to try. Be willing to listen, be willing to trust.

Honesty, open minded and willing.

All the best.

Chris.

Hi Emma,

I have recently gone through my 3rd bout of spreadbetting losses over a period of 20 years. This is the first time ive done it since ive been married(12 years). I hope my story can help you....

I worked in the city for 10 years as a broker. Post redundancy in 2000, I thought with a bit of knowlege I had, i would give trading a go(via spreadbetters IG, Cityindex etc), but didnt realise that I would unleash a beast inside me I never knew existed.

First up, in 2005, i lost my house and savings, went into an IVA, and abstained from all gambling cold turkey somehow for around 6 years. It was only because i didnt want to go bankrupt and had to put all my earnings outside day to day living into the IVA. 2012, again had a bout of trading that cost me a little bit, but nipped it in the bud before it got too bad. Then last year, i dont know how, but i allowed myself to get bitten by the bug badly. happily married, ok but not a great job, but it paid the bills so good enough. Before long, the losses started racking up, and I started chasing. hard.

Usual story, ran out of credit in the midst of coronavirus and had no choice but to come clean to my wife and my mum(used some of her savings to, to my shame). I was petrified to tell both of them, but their immediate reaction was to save me rather than hit me with a verbal firing squad. I was amazed at their reaction tbh. I was fully prepared for my wife to leave me. in my head i didnt deserve her love. if your relationship is strong enough, those who love you the most will stand by you. doesnt absolve you and you have to work vry hard to get their trust back.

For me this was 2 months ago. I got in touch with GAMCARE and they put me in touch with a therapist from Breakeven. Ive been having a 1 hour 1 on 1 session with a therapist for that time and ive found it amazingly helpful. Not everything they've suggested works for me, but its not a 1 size fits all approach. The therapy, combined with my wife checking my band and credit accounts every week so far has kept me on the straight and narrow. Having not bet for 2 months feels really good. I still look at markets more than i should but know I cant do it again. ALL IT BRINGS IS MISERY, DESPARATION AND POVERTY. Feels like im cured but im far from it. Just have to keep repeating the actions of the last few months forever.

Sorry the reply is so long, but I feel its needed in the context. the short answer.....come clean to those closest to you. work with them going forward and be completely honest with yourself about your problem.

Sincerely hope you can move forward positively from this episode.

All the best.