Hi I am kind of stuck - I have struggled on and off (Mostly On) with a chronic gambling addiction for years. I have tried almost everything. I am on gamstop and that really did help me stop gambling at uk online casinos. But then a few years ago I found crypto... - and some here I am sure will be aware just how easy it is to get into a terrible mess.
I am responsible for my own addiction - but now it has spiralled. I came into some money and yep I have gambled almost everything away. Last night through to the early hours of this morning - I hit an all time low - putting nearly 5k through... I did stop short of loosing everything - but I feel that terrible gamblers hangover today. My son relies on me financially - (he is not well) and what a great dad I am!
...I have to really start to combat this filthy addiction. I hate gambling - it never makes me happy - even when I have won (rare) it makes me anxious - affects my sleep and I turn into a horrible selfish short tempered person.
I have been on certain forums many times the past 10 years or so - with those eloquent posts of "today is day 1" and so on. It never worked - the addiction always reels me back in. I really dont know what to do right now. Im 56 - living in rented accommodation - I have a self employed job which brings some money in - but am up to my eyeballs in debt , although this month at least everything is paid. But why do I keep going back to something which I really do not enjoy - I cant figure it out. Gambling is so anti social and I would say immoral.
Years ago I admit I did enjoy it - the thrill - the community , but all that is gone now - and I feel like an empty shell no matter if I loose £10 or £1000 (last night was around 4.5k I cant face looking at my banking app yet)
... The "stop" I know has to come from within me and my own mind set.
I am not even sure if this is making any sense but maybe it helps some to put words down. I am something of a mess today - feel like I have been drinking all night with a hangover - thats how it feels even though I didnt drink. I wont bother with insulting people here by saying "today is my day 1" but I know I have to stop - not just for the money, because by now I detest money but also because of the psychological damage it does and how it makes me feel.
I live something of a lonely life right now as I am a full time carer for my son, no real family around - and the isolation can get me to. Then i think to myself just "50 quid" like last night which ended up being close to 5grand wasted. Let alone the hours I spent from 6.30pm until 4am chasing. Then the horrible sleep that follows and the way things hit you soon as you open your eyes. Today feels c**P and Im just really not sure what my next step should be.
Not even sure why im writing this but here I am. thanks DaveJo
Go to a GA meeting.Â
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