Hello I’m Erica,
me and my partner have been together a year and a half now, last year I found out that he had an addiction after it causing issues with a trip away planned. It turns out he has had issues in the last when he was younger with gambling. After this I stood by him and supported him and leant him quite a bit of money. Since then he has relapsed several times, each time he has lied to me about gambling however I have found evidence that he has been doing it. I struggle to find out what I can do for him anymore as he knows what he is doing is wrong but have tried online CBT, made our family aware etc and he keeps going back to do it and has now got him self in a lot of debt taking out loans to feed his addiction. I love him and have told him to be honest with me so I can support him but he just wont tell me the truth or  speak to me if he is struggling with the temptation. It is breaking our relationship down as I’m struggling to trust him anymore. I want to help him but I’m not sure what else I can do? I was wondering if anyone could help me out 🙂Â
thanks,Â
Erica x
Hi.
His debts could all go to debt management and he won't be able to take out any loans once thats happens, as my partner couldn't. Then he'll have to pay it back bit by bit.
He could block his card from being used in shops or online betting.
There is something called GamStop (I think) which is software installed on his phone.
I have been through the same with my partner for 4 years and still going through it. But its broke us down so much, we are now having time apart. They can only help themselves and want to get help. All we can do is support them.Â
Hope some of that information was usefulÂ
One of the hardest things to do but the most important is to let him deal with the consequences like the debts , do not take responsibility for something you’ve not done or he never will ! I know I’ve done the same countless times ! Will he do the above gamstop or relinquish control of his finances, gamstop, CBT gamcare are amazing and even GA, he needs to show you he’s commited to beating this illness Or you’ll be back to square oneÂ
I’ve been trying to get my husband to be honest with me about his addiction for 14 years. It’s the same here, always having to find evidence and then more often than not the denials are still there when proof is staring me in the face. My advice would be to not help him by financing his debts as you will be dragged into it too over time…it slowly drains your finances without you noticing only that you’ll be forever struggling unless of course they have the job to to pay for the habit with a budget strictly stuck to. From experience they do not look forward to normal every day things, trips away like we do, the bond between you goes…unless you have a thick skin from the beginning and are the kind of person to continually keep in mind that it is a illness and the deceitfulness is part of that….it’s very draining and they need to want the help for themselves and totally instigate it themselves and it needs to be life-long.  We are heading for divorce now. Good luck with the road you go down.
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