That's It From Today

Hi all

I'm a 36 year old male, whose gambled since 18. I've finally come to the conclusion I'm never going to recoup all those losses (I'd estimate between 40-45K) and even if I did chances are it'd be lost again within a month. So I've joined this site, in the hope by reading the help and advice by fellow gamblers I'll be able to stop once and for all. I'd like to decribe my gambling so far, I've not discussed this with anyone (including my wife or parents) and with having my first child on the way (due in August) I've decided thats it - from today no more gambling whatsover.

It all started with being a junior member of the local golf club and the £200 jackpot fruit machine in bar. I'd pump all the money I'd earn (which was very little) for the simple enjoyment of gambling. Ok I had the usual losses which frustrated me, but it wasn't all bad. But the seeds were planted, and every fruity I came across in the pubs would be too attractive to avoid (I recall once saying myself won't it be great when I work full time so I can keep gambling and hopefully get a mega streak! Looking back, that's when the demons began without realising it). Things weren't too bad, I'd gamble most weekends on the football/horses - however the experience of fruit machines led me to try FOBT in the w**********l one Saturday, just to see what the fuss was about (having watched people pump and pump money on the roulette I concluded there must be a method in the madness). I even considered these people 'losers' and wondered why on earth would they put £20 note after £20 into these things? Sad. I'd never turn out that way, too headstrong.....how wrong I was.

So I had a try on the Blackjack, had some experience but only knew the basics. But then became hooked, and intrigued by the fact I could join an online casino, learn the game further and sit at home with a beer on a Saturday night, laptop on and win cash! Over time however realisation set in, and the fact I was spending all my disposable income on the online casino I self-excluded, knowing I would stop playing. But then again the FOBT were there, just in case I fancied a flutter. So each Saturday I'd put my usual placepot on, or Footy bet (both teams to score team to win) and have a quick tenner on the Blackjack. But then that tenner would disappear so another tenner in to recoup that loss, then £20, then £40...etc. Until I'd gamble £150-£200 and walk out in a daze - as any gambler will know when the cold light of day hits realisation sets in and one wants to kick himself for being such a fool. But hey I could win that £200 back that night online, no problems. And sometimes I did, but would always end up back to zero.

So another online site tried and failed, self-excluded, another tried and failed, and self-excluded. Before long I all my disposable income was gone on gambling, and very little left for other forms of entertainment. So I gave up the Blackjack and was free for a while, the occassional bet but not so bad. Then one day I was sitting at home, and exploring the new smart TV I'd purchased. There was a game section, and included in there was virtual poker (all free - you'd play against computer players). Never played poker before so thought I'd learn - and you know the rest of the story. I became hooked, under the assumption I could earn an extra income and recoup what I'd lost by becoming good - poker wasn't about luck it was about skill after all. Then I discovered Pokerstars - this costing me thousands playing the Spin and Win in the hope of winning back what I'd lost. I found to my dismay Poker is more addictive than any other form of gambling and again all my disposable income went, cash savings etc. That feeling of agony, knowing that I run my own business just to line the pockets of these gambling sites was excruciating - okay I made sure that the mortgage and bills were paid but had zero savings - nothing to show for all my hard work apart from the house and car (which I appreciate is much more than some gambers have). However I couldn't stop and the Blackjack addiction returned - Pokerstars letting me play blackjack at the same time as competing in a poker tournamnet. More money went, chasing losses.

This continued, me self-excluding but finding another betting site to gamble on, then another. Always thinking about gambling, thinking where is the nearest bookies while on holiday etc - all those demonic gambling thoughts.

Last night I realised that this has got to stop. On Saturday I found myself searching all the online casinos trying to find one I'm not self-excluded from and did manage to find one - brilliant I thought I can recoup the lastest set of losses (£810 spent in one nights sitting on BJ). So I deposited £300, turning this into £908 in a matter of half an hour - amazing! I managed to get £608 back and cashed out. But hang on that website has the facility to cancel the withdrawal - and you know the rest. Cancelled and lost the lot in 10 minutes of a BJ losing streak.

I've now realsied I have an issue, my gambling has got to stop and with my little girl on the way is the perfect chance. I've self-exlcuded from every gambling site I can think off (even the bingo ones) and with the help of this website and will-power will never ever gamble again, be happy in life, in control and actually manage to save money. I would consider blocking software but I've mostly gambled on my IPhone - can this be blocked? I appreciate my situation is a hell of a lot better than some, but I still experience that desperate, self-loathing feeling on a daily basis. I've put weight on, and with the daily work pressures have made gambling my escapism. I have stopped though, this is my first day gamble free and set to continue this way. Thanks for reading and I look forward to making friends and being happy.