Hi pure_justice, no my partner hasn't spoken to my mom yet. I understand what your saying, my fear is my mom just won't get it and I think if my partner can explain to her first it will help when I see her after to understand that gambling is an addiction. My plan is for my partner to see her tomorrow and explain and I will go over later and discuss with my mom. I know I am taking the cowards way out but I'm not running away from it, but am trying to face up to it the best way I can. Tomorrow is a big day, both my mom and mother-in-law will both know and I am for the want of a better phrase bricking it as know they'll be disappointed and confused. But it has to be done and I need to face the consequences of my actions. Sorry, a rather long post but once I started writing I felt it best to continue with what's in my head!
I agree. The intial shock your mum and mother in law will go through will turn into immediate anger and frustration. At least this way, they will have time to digest the information and you can move forwards together, slowly. I am only talking from experience (and I don't agree that it's the cowards way out) as long as you confront her at some point and not try and runaway from the issue/problem. You/we need help...not a bollocking, an argument and a fight. I know they will be annoyed, frustrated and angry but this will calm down over time.
That's what I'm thinking. People having a go at me won't help, I'm not the sort of person that responds to 'tough love', I need support not shouting. Although I have encouraged my partner to be honest with me about how she's feeling so that I'm not trying to avoid the situation and what I've caused. I'm definitely going to speak to my mom tomorrow as I feel I'm really facing up to it at the moment and want to continue the momentum. I feel so much better, relief is probably the word, and hearing the advice and experiences of others is a massive help. Hopefully we'll all get through this even when we have a bad day.
Hello K7N, welcome to recovery 🙂
Can I suggest that you crak (have to spell it like that or we get edited) on with self excluding if not already done & get some blockers on your accounts (K9 is free I understand but plenty of threads on them)! This will break your Time-Money-Location triangle (remove 1 & you cannot gamble) for when the urges start trying to convince you again that you can control this! We cannot win because we cannot stop but by stopping we win everyday!
There is support available for your partner & she may need this! For the record, I don't think you are taking the cowards way out @ all, just by having the mums involved is giving you accountability, it doesn't matter how they find out!
Great work so far! Stay strong - ODAAT
Thanks ODAAT I've self excluded and also used K9 on my phone to block, just need to do it on the computed now. Once I've spoken to my mom I'll also put a block in her lap top. Yesterday was a bit of a milestone, I borrowed £250 off my dad (I told him I was struggling for money but didn't tell him why, this will come once I've sorted my debt). Usually I would put it in my bank and deposit straight away to bet, but I didnt, I've put it in the joint account towards the mortgage. That's massive for me. My partner is going to have my cards and I'm going to get a new debit card as I know the card details without thinking. I'm doing all I can right now to keep myself safe and busy and also show my partner. I've lost a lot of money and my partner's trust, but by stopping I can prevent myself losing more, and essentially everything.
I've done it, told my mom and my mother in law. It was so much better than I thought and they have both been supportive. I feel I can breathe again. My only wish is I had done this sooner. Sometimes the fear of something is far worse than the reality.
K79 I'm really pleased u r getting sorted. Good luck with all that comes next. You can do this x
K7N wrote:
I've done it, told my mom and my mother in law. It was so much better than I thought and they have both been supportive. I feel I can breathe again. My only wish is I had done this sooner. Sometimes the fear of something is far worse than the reality.
So true!
A week accomplished and it hasn't been easy but I feel better for it as my debt hasn't increased, first time in 4 years I can say that! I'm going to write down my story from the start so that I can track my journey and progress. I've also started a Twitter page if anyone is interested @step1recovery, finding it's really helping. Good luck to you all on your journey, remember you can do it if you really want to x
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