I have been in the endless cycle of gaming for years but always found a way to hide it like we all have done. I hate the person i am who has always put gambling before my kids and partner and never really spoke about anything like this before. We all have a different value of money but the pain of the constant losses is now just too much. I really need to stop and never go back to this darkness. Any help or advice would be much appreciated.
My adiction and obsessions were a f orm of self abuse and neglect.
Having to tell lies means I was living in fear due to the pains that were in me.
Hated meant that I was not healing my pains.
Pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not fully understand.
I am a non religious person yet being in the recovery program I understand that my healthy conscience is based up on healthy spirtual values.
The lies I told hurt me and other people.
My lies were a betrayal of people trust of me.
The pains of the past caused me to live in fear f emotional itnimacy.
Living in denial I was not facing the truth about how unhealthy I was.
Living in denial only indicated how much fear I was living in.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave of Beckenham
Realizing what you did wrong is a step to recovery. Just focus more of your time and energy to the people who love and need you most. Give yourself time to heal as well, it's not easy and it would really take time but bear with the process and always keep your chin up! Always remember why you want to change. Wishing you all the best dear ❤️
I just can't wait until the day comes where I don't have to remember every word i say so I don't slip up. I wish so much there was an on and off button where the need to gamble would just disappear and the pain it has caused would just fade away. One day I'm hopeful that i will beat this for good.
You know "I just can't wait until the day comes where I don't have to remember every word i say so I don't slip up." this line strikes me hard that I am unable to read past it. Without sounding harsh or judgemental, does this mean you're having to lie constantly to hide your gambling addiction, subsequent losses, unexplained absences, etc.? If that is the case my friend, you are draining your vital life energy on maintaining addiction instead of using it on being truthful with yourself and your loved ones, and stopping this misery and despair called gambling addiction.
Dr. Gabor Mate, a holocaust surviving physician who specializes in addictions, once said "Running away from pain creates more pain." It certainly rings true in your case. Maintaining what you set out to do in the long term is impossible, nor is it healthy. I do understand you though, I have been a compulsive gambler on and off myself for 20 years and I did things in the past an average person wouldn't do because it's morally wrong - such as taking a credit card out and using everything on it to gamble. I remember feeling devastated afterwards, but my wife was more devastated and disappointed with me when I told her. I had to face the music, there was no other way. I committed wrong and had to take responsibility for my action. Once the dust settled, she came around to forgive me, only because I had told her before she found out but she firmly told me that she couldn't continue living like this and it was a wake-up call to me.
I appreciate that I don't know your life situation, but, I know this much that no one likes being dishonest to, and you wouldn't like it. So, give yourself a chance and be truthful with your partner about your addiction, take this heavy load off your shoulders. Don't try and fight it alone. But, before doing that you need to use stopping tools such as calling Gamcare for advice, Gamstop, self-exclusions, gambling locks on bank accounts, Moses for shops if you are in the UK, the whole lot. Being accountable and honest is the essential ingredient for stopping gambling addiction and having a life without it. Because, as I learned with experience, I cannot call it a life with active gambling addiction.
My apologies for the long reply, but I care about every person who posts here and trying to stop gambling addiction from ruining their lives which it will, even though I can't reply to everyone's posts.
I wish you all the best of everything.
Sorry, above the sentence should have been "such as taking a credit card out in my wife's name and using it to gamble."
Not that clarifying this makes me feel any better, as nothing regarding gambling addiction is positive, except, maybe the lessons it teaches you and the consequant alterations in your character and general demeanour.
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