Hello everyone.. (sorry for the bad english)
I have been a member here for a while, and i wish i had asked for advice and help a lot sooner.. But later is better than never! I am a 29 year old scandinavian girl who have been wasting the last two years away on online slots! I would never in my wildest dreams ever think i would end up in this situation.. ME?!?!
It all started when i became i single mom, after a 5 year long relationship where i was cheated on and lied to all the time..
My life was all about lies, anxiety, sleepless nights, crying, suicidal thoughts, hate, anger, regret, shame and so on... Everytime i went online and gambled away my paycheck in a few hours, i hated myself more than anything!! I hate that something that seems so "easy" to just quit, makes my life a living hell! Two years with shame and hate! That i want to be strong for my son, but i can't!!
I told myself 100 times "why?? Even if i win, i will loose... I will gamble the winnings away like i do EVERY time!! Why do you do it.. dont do it!"
I knew, but i still went online and lost it all.. every time.. I know it is not about winning.. And still i can not stop myself.. I hate the addiction, and how easy it ruins ones life.. I read about the suicide statistic and it scares me.. But i know the feeling.. I would never actually do it, because i have the most adorable son in the world. And i have too much to live for.. I will win this!! I want the old me back.. The fun and outgoing girl i once was..
I had no debt, was doing so good in school and worked a few nights after school. i loved my life.. Now i am in debt, i am not opening my mail so i have unpaid bills from months back!
The everyday struggle "how will i fix this, how will it be ok again??" was tearing me apart..
So, Thursday 5. November i did the most terrifying thing i have ever done!! I Told my mother, stepfather and my ex!
And guess what? it was also the best feeling in the world! The weight is lifted off my shoulders... Not one of them have said anything bad! not even my ex! even though my lies have put him in a bad situation with money and everything. The only thing they say is that we can do this! They want the old me back.. And that this is not me, but a disease.. My mom is taking over the financial.. It is embarrasing, but it is the only way! i cant have control over my money to get well!
So to all of you who are afraid to come clean!! Do it! even though they get mad, it is worth it! to get the shame and lie out there.. You will feel better! And this is something you CAN NOT do alone!! I have tried.. And if i had come clean a year ago, i would still been debt free.. But i cant think like that. Dont think about wht could have been.. i cant do anything about it anyway.. But i have made the biggest step of them all! and i would never thought i would..
Hi!!
Glad I've read your story...I have been thinking about telling my partner for months. And today I feel ready...but also feel scared as think he will think I've only done this cos ive no money left. Mine is online slots. I broke down and told him earlier on in the year I had spent all my money on it & he just said not to do it again..he was dissappointed but not angry. Secretly I wished he started to watch me n my finances. I'm worried about Xmas , & nxt year I have 3 hen parties & his 30th & my sons 16th...how can I afford these if I carry on? Reading your story has given me encouragement....I need to tell him x
Reading you story gives me a hope. I'm planning on sitting my family down at the weekend once my dads back from work. I want to open up to not only my partner but my family and friends so they can also help find the old me. Good luck to you 🙂 xx
good to luck to all you girls , don,t bother with the slots they just programmed to screw u, you put a line under the losses as a life lesson and look to the future with excitement
all da best
joe x
Thank you spraggy.. The sick part is that i knew it so well!! i will NEVER win.. ever.. But it didnt stop me.. And it would not have stopped me if i had not told my family.. I have tried.. But as soon as the payday was there.. gone.. I could have burned it, or used it as toilet paper.. But NO, that is stupid.. Throw my money away? not me, i will much rather give it away to the sick and greedy people behind the online casinos! So that they can live happily ever after.. Such a good ide.. or not.. haha.. But do we stop doing that? no.. what the f****? I hate, hate, hate, hate this stupid addiction/disease... 🙂
Stace and Lady.. Thank you so much for your post! <3 Even though they get mad, everyone reacts different, you will feel like a new person! Just the feeling of no more lies! And this is not us being stupid! this is an illness! We can do this!
There are so many people committing suicide because of this addiction.. And there will be more and more people that ruins their life over this s**t.. Think about how strong we going to be.. The feeling of overcoming this illness!
Girl power <3
Told him yesterday finally!! He found it hard to understand and as he thinks I'm a strong person Cldnt get his head round it bless him. He said now he thinks about it things make sense. No more gambling x
Yasmin861 wrote:
Thank you spraggy.. The sick part is that i knew it so well!! i will NEVER win.. ever.. But it didnt stop me.. And it would not have stopped me if i had not told my family.. I have tried.. But as soon as the payday was there.. gone.. I could have burned it, or used it as toilet paper.. But NO, that is stupid.. Throw my money away? not me, i will much rather give it away to the sick and greedy people behind the online casinos! So that they can live happily ever after.. Such a good ide.. or not.. haha.. But do we stop doing that? no.. what the f****? I hate, hate, hate, hate this stupid addiction/disease... 🙂
Stace and Lady.. Thank you so much for your post! <3 Even though they get mad, everyone reacts different, you will feel like a new person! Just the feeling of no more lies! And this is not us being stupid! this is an illness! We can do this!
There are so many people committing suicide because of this addiction.. And there will be more and more people that ruins their life over this s**t.. Think about how strong we going to be.. The feeling of overcoming this illness!
Girl power <3
Stick with it Yasmin. Your doing well. Hope this weeks gone better?
Tri
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
