Those who are Dads & husbands

Well...its tough but the truth is gambling is an addiction which rules a person. The person is under a spell. I can tell you from my perspective...truthfully...when i was gambling...the wife and kids were in my way...holding me back from doing what i wanted to do.....gamble. you become a zombie...only focused on the next bet...the next money. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS when we gamblers are this state. From your (non gambling) perspective...you see a selfish bess-tard and you are correct...but our minds are so so deeply in the gambling....its like we cannot see!!! Thats the honest truth. Id have done anything to get them outta the way...to have my bet. Lies...deceit...no matter how ridiculous.
In conclusion ...his weapon is cash/cards. And while he has these...he will always be a gambler. ONLY HE....HE ALONE...can sort himself out.

Hi Mumof3

I am a CG and can i just say how sorry i am to here of your situation. I think Peter30 has summed it up quite perfect and i cannot really add anything else to what he has said as to how us CG go about our ways whilst we are gambling it really is a horrible world but we dnt see this from the bubble we are in ! The only thing i have had are councilling sessions and i am finding these out to be very helpful as to why i have gambled and more often than not my councillor has told me its down to under lying issues and an escape route as to why we gamble. I am currently living apart from my wife n kids and it hurts me everyday not being with them and i just hope in time we can work things out. Your husband is probably just in a very bad place at the moment and will need help if he WANTS to kick his addiction and by the sounds of it you love him and want to help him but you can only do this if he is willing to accept he has a gambling addiction. Sorry to ramble on and i hope you can get things sorted for you and your family.

All the Best
Darren

some good advice on here and both people who are seoperate from their kids and wife is the exact reason i cant tell my wife i am one of these people

Hi

My husband is the CG in the house. I have never had an adequate explanation for what he did from him and I've had to accept I never will. The closest I ever got was being told it was 'evil'.Gamblers themselves will often say they don't understand it and if they don't it's even harder for us. I read up everything I could about the addiction and this forum will provide you with some valuable insights including those of the posters above.My advice would be to get RL support if you can and think about attending GamAnon meetings for further support.

Thanks for the replies and for ur honesty. It was hard reading it but i need to keep things as real as possible, no false hope etc. Things have gone downhill even since I posted last night, have found out that my husband has been sleeping rough the last few nights. He has the offer of his dad's house but he says he doesnt deserve to be anywhere else. I'm beyond words, his state of mind is so far gone. He will end up losing his job if he continues. I can give him money to eat etc as he has nothing but I'm petrified something will happen to him. At the same time I know continuing as normal with us living together is not the Answer esp as he has admitted he isnt ready and doesn't deserve to get help. I'm lost.

Hello Mumof3

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. You hit the nail on the head with his state of mind is so far gone. Compulsive gambling is a mental health issue and can be frustrating as it defies logic.

The person he was is still in there and can be recovered but he needs to accept help and admit he has no control of his life when he gambles. Most importantly he has to be completely open and honest with you and his loved ones and accept he cannot do it alone.

I gambled every day for 15 years and caused untold financial and emotional destruction around me. I haven't gambled for more than three years. I tried everything and the only thing that worked for me was GA. Your husband has to be willing to take the first step and admit he needs help. I have a good recovery but I know I need the on-going support of GA and I can never be complacent.

Everyone deserves to get help. He needs to be willing to accept it though.

He only went to one GA meeting back in June and only cuz his Dad practically dragged him there. But both him and his dad agreed that it wasn't the place for him...that the group nature of it wasn't his cup of tea. He hates talking in front of people in a group and the speaking together thing really put him off. I would love him to go back but not sure he will.

Hi Mumof3,

sorry to read about what you are going through, and the fact that things seem to be getting worse.

Please call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline to speak to an adviser, there migth be a few options that would be worth talking through.

All the best,

Forum Admin

Hi Mumof3

If your husband is going to recover he is going to have to change his behaviour and the way he looks at things. Very few people are confident talking in front of people, especially initially. Everyone in the room probably felt that way the first night, the first few weeks and even first few months.

If he is serious about getting help and overcoming his problem he has to decide to go himself. With the greatest amount of respect to your father-in-law, it's not really for him to decide what's best for him. He is either in denial about his son's problem or, like the vast majority of the population, he simply doesn't understand how serious compulsive gambling is and how difficult it is to overcome, if left untreated.

I can only speak from my own experience but your husband will struggle to sustain a life without gambling without on-going help and support. I was dragged along to GA for the first time in 2005. I wasn't open minded and decided it wasn't for me and stopped going. It cost me 8 years of my life if I'm honest.

I was always going to end up there. It was just a question of how long I was going to continue to wreak havoc before I found the strength to be completely honest with my wife and family and admit I needed help, that I couldn't do it on my own.