Hi everyone.... I'm so nervous about being here. I've guessed I've had a problem for some time now, But I have only now actually faced the fact. I've been in denial for so long that I have a gambling problem. I need to tell someone...you. I am so ashamed of myself for letting things go this far. I feel like a total failure.
I have been gambling the odd £20 here and the for the past couple of years on online gambling/bingo sites, however over the past 6 months or so there have been times where I have been gambling away hundreds at a time and just last week I gambled over a grand in a matter of hours. It's getting out of control.
I am a full time mum of 3...My two eldest kids are in school so I just have a 2year old at home with me during the days. My partner works abroad for long periods of time and I find myself at the computer at any opportunity I can.
I tend to use it when I'm feeling down, lonely, depressed, but mainly to try to win back losses.... I struggle a bit with my weight, so everytime I gamble and lose, I eat for comfort, and everytime I 'cheat' on my diet, I gamble to give me thrill to lift my mood but it doesn't always have that effect. Its like a vicious circle.
I'm losing interest in things I used to enjoy doing, I'm snapping at my kids, I have no patience with them, I'm losing sleep and feel like I physically have a heavy weight on my chest.
I haven't told anyone about this...I can't. I have total control over the finances in the house as my partner works away. He hasn't a clue what comes in and out of the house financially. I have found myself recently using the last of our money to try to win back the losses. My partner has questioned why we never have any spare cash at the end of each month but I find myself lying saying that I had a few extra bills to pay this month or I had to get tyres for the car etc.
Last month I had gambled so much that I literally had no money to live on or pay my bills for the month, We ended up getting a bank loan to get everything paid, but when I saw the money in the bank, the first thing I wanted to do was gamble it to, not pay the bills.
I feel like a failure as a mum....what mother would gamble away the household money and run the risk of not having money to last the month?
Luckily......my parents are still alive and they have helped out with shopping etc because they think that I have had loads of other bills to pay....they have no clue that I am a gambler... I feel like a fraudster...I hate deceiving everyone...
I have excluded myself today from the sites I use....I feel like I need to tackle this head on... I CANNOT tell my family I need to do this myself...and hopefully I will be able to with a little help and support from you guys.
Hi emz
I could have written your post myself! You ask what mother would gamble away household money? well I did and there is quite a few of us. I too came out with all sorts of reasons why money wasnt there and never admitted to anyone that it was because I was compulsive gambling. Anyway have a read of my diary as it might help!
You are not a failure- you have made mistakes because of this terrible addiction but you are not a failure. You have come to this site to look for help and you have self excluded. these are things that takes a lot of guts and not everyone can commit to that.
We are all here for you when you need it!
Linda
Hi emz,
Well done on your first post of hopefully many. Its difficult to tell anyone about this problem because of the guilt that comes with it.
As difficult as it may sound it would be a good idea to come clean to your partner, your parents or even a friend because first of all its a good way to let some weight off your shoulders.
As far as the gambling if its online that is the demon for you then there are a few good free blocking softwares that you can download and install. K9 is good, but would require someone you can trust to set a password on it.
Self excluding is always a good start, but there is always another site just a few clicks away waiting to take all of your hard earned money.
I hope this helps and good luck in recovery
Scambling - Last bet 7-12-13
Hi new as we'll trying to figure where to post and what to write.this is the first steps of our journey . I thought I was alone and the only mum in the world who had this problem. Heading in the right direction . Hitthefanx
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