Time to stop the madness

Thankyou yorkslad for taking the time to send me that post and giving me your advice.....it was nice of you to try and help me even though you are having your own struggles......do you find it helps you in your own fight with this addiction to help others? I have decided that i need to take this recovery slowly, one day at a time, as i tend to want to be cured from it straight away and it gets all consuming, its all i think about. I am even thinking of going to a g a meeting, which i have refused to in the past. Been looking at areas and times so if i feel i am getting weak i know where to go. Got to give this 100 per cent this time around so going to do whatever i need to do.......I know the self exclusion isn't working for me as, there are so many bookies wherever you go. It worked with the casino as you have to be a member so when you exclude there is no way you can go back. Even if you sneaked in, you would not be able to collect winnings. Why cant bookies do something like this? it would make it so much easier.....oh well, no point thinking about it really, doesn't look like that will happen so, need to plod on my own way. Such a shame to think as you said Yorkslad, what started as a bit of fun has turned into a horrible nightmare. Hope you and i and all the others fighting can find it in us to banish this addiction and lead the life we deserve. Be strong and be good to yourself

Hi gm123, first of well done for admitting you have a problem and for seeking help. Sounds like your in a really bad spiral and going down hill fast. You need to STOP feeling ashamed of yourself and stop worring about what you've lost. The money is gone and is not coming back. You need to be put yourself in a new frame of mind. i.e not tomorrow, not next week, its starts after you've read this post. I understand it's not that simple, its not easy. Life seems a mess, you try and tackle it, you end up gambling again as you see it as like most do, as an escape from life. You can't get rich from Gambling, it's an illusion. You need to focus on what you've got in life. Like you marriage, your house, your health. Need to break that vicious cycle of feeling bad about yourself than going full circle that ends up with gambling. I gambled for 12 years, I felt like i wouldn't be able to stop. Thou I got there in the end. I had a long hard think on what in my life wasen't making me happy and stressing me out. I tackled these and still continue to change things.

Thankyou matt.... you are spot on with what you said. It is all spiralling out of control and i do see it as a crutch when things are going wrong in my life. I lost my son and now suffer depression and anxiety among other health problems and have used gambling as a way of switching off.....when i am in the act i dont have to think about anything else but, i know this is not the answer, cos when i have blown every penny we have it makes all the anxiety worse. I know for me it is not about winning money as when i do it just means i have more time to sit and play (i rarely take out any winnings unless i have to cos shops closing) . I need to work through my other issues before my mindset will change, i know this but its so hard. What i find really hard is, i wake up in a morning full of determination of not gambling ever again, then 10 minutes later my mind is telling me to go and do it and i dont seem to be able to fight it. How do i get to the stage where i can fight this urge? It wears me down......if i manage to fight it one day it is back again the next day. Sorry for the depressin post, just trying to get things out and maybe this will help when i read it back

gm123, Sorry to hear about the loss of your son, I can't even begin to imagine the pain the suffering that has caused you and other around you. Also please never feel the need to apologise, we have/are all going through the same problem. Its a community, everyone here completely understands the situation you find yourself in because of compulsive gambling. I'm afraid when it comes to recovering from gambling, it's a long journey which in many cases most people need to find their own journey and do what works for them. There is no quick fix solution I'm afraid, just one day at a time. You do what you can in those days to progress away from what causes you gamble. However you've already made a start on that journey, you've admited you have and problem and need help, so well done on that. Yes you will go through some tough times, but things do get better and easier. I do feel there is a big grey area when it comes to gambling, a lot of people genuinely find it fun and love the thrill. Thou as problem gamblers we fail to realise this fun is the same a herion to a drug user. It causes us a lot more problems than solves. Having to find that fun and thrill somewhere else.

Maybe I can suggest a few things which can aid you in your journey to recovery. Sharing your feelings and discussing your problems with your husband may help, as you have already point out that gambling is a common interest between you two. You could perhaps find some other way of spending you leisure time? Thou I would advice discreation as to who you divulge your gambling habits with. Exploring this forum, looking at the good and bad stories will put gambling problems and recovery into perspective. GamCare does offer a councelling service, thou I feel it is somewhat limited personelly. GA meetings I feel greatly help, even if you only attend a few meetings. You can take your husband for support. Also don't feel its a male dominated culture, many women attend as well. Lastly the NHS does offer free councelling service for problem gambling which you will need to see your GP about.

Like I said please don't feel asshamed. Problem Gambling is a widely recognised as a serious issue for many people

Thankyou so much matt. You have given me such a warm welcome and some sound advice, which will all be taken on board. Am going to have a look around and start to read other peoples posts. I would like to read your story if it is on here. I have a plan to go to a meeting if i feel i need it....have got a time and place in mind. My husband is supportive but tends to give in too easy so isnt really helpful. Nobody else knows my shameful secret so cant speak to anybody about it, hopefully this forum will help with that part. I cannot fail at this again as i dont think my mental health will take much more. Thankyou so much once again for your support

No gambling thoughts for me today so this is a good day. Wish i could get through everyday as easy as this but, thats not going to happen so need to be ready for when the urges return

It wasn't that i did anything different yorkslad, the urges just weren't there.......I can go for days or a couple of weeks without urges and then they come from nowhere.........This is when the nightmare begins, the constant battle in my head of oh go on, you might win, no dont go, what if you lose all the bill money (again), feeling low and depressed until i give in and then even more depressed when i come out. I have got to learn to not give in to that first urge. I am reading and reading to see how others do it but trying not to become obsessed with thinking about it every minute of the day.......i want to keep myself as calm as i can. Hopefully today will be another good day, if not and i am struggling i will be back on here later

Hi again GM123, well done on getting through the last couple of days. I have low points as well, thou nothing I would describe as depression. I normally find that keeping myself productive and the sense of self achievement that comes with it lifts the spirits up so to say. Can be simple such doing stuff round the house, cooking a good meal, doing overtime at work. The sense of knowing that my life is that little bit better each day. Getting a small hobbie, going out for the day somewhere are other ideas. Main thing is keep your focus away from the thoughts off gambling, over time you'll find that gambling losses it appeal.

All the best, Matt

Hey matt, bless you for coming back and giving me your words of wisdom. It is nice to hear from someone that is managing to control their addiction. How long have you gone without gambling? I am listening to your advice and want you to know that i appreciate you trying to help. Roll on the days when gambling is no longer appealing. I know i can do this, just need some help and encouragement along the way.

I am finding it helpful just to write things down here as nobody knows my secret apart from my husband but he always gives in to me, (not blaming him) i wear him down going on and on and itisn't fair to him.

Well, thats another day down go me. Bring on tomorrow

More than welcome gm123. A lot of others here gave me help and insperation over the years, very grateful for that. I hope you continue to share your thoughts, ideas along your journey to recovery. No doubt others will take insperation from it. Just don't give up or fall into a sence of self security. If you relapse, pick yourself up and carry on.

As for me I've gone 18 months without gambling, with one relapse inbetween. Last relapse made me decide to attend GA meetings. I've given up GA meetings now as I've decided it wasen't compatible for me. Thou I can say the experience will influence me positively for the rest of my life. Find I'm more comfortable in an enviroment like this 🙂

Thankyou yorkslad and matt for your comments.

Yorkslad, to answer your question about why i gamble, for me it started as a bit of fun. Started going to the casinos, which went from occassional trips, to 3 or 4 times a week. This went on for years, then started going to bookies and playing on the machines in there as well. Eventually i self excluded from all casinos and it is impossible for me to go in there now as my memberships have all been cancelled. This works well as they exclude you from all of their other premises as well. Excluding from bookies is another matter, or maybe i haven't tried hard enough. I think losing my son made my gambling out of control, it is like medication for me and for the time i am zoning out pressing a button on a machine for hours on end i dont have to think about anything else. When i first started gambling i remember being scared of losing a tenner, now i can lose a grand and not bat an eyelid, it is only when i get home i panic and stress about what i have done. Never again i say, until a few days later and then it all begins again.

Matt, that is great, 18 months with only one relapse, well done you, and here you are helping others. That must feel good.

Well, no worries of gambling today as i am tied up ( not literally lol) from lunchtime until tomorrow evening so that will keep me out of trouble.

Have a good day

Another day done with no gambling. No probs with urges at the mo so thats all good. Feeling hopeful for the future, just got to keep it going. I'm not being complacent as i know its early days and there are going to be hard times but feeling determined and strong today

Thanks yorkslad...... i'm chuffed to bits with myself so far. I have been busy the last couple of days and got a plan for tomorrow afternoon as well. I dont know why but i always have urges to gamble on saturdays so need to be careful. Will not be doing anything from around 5 o clock so will probably come on here. Hope you are going to be ok this weekend. Have you got plenty to do? Its hard isn't it cos we cant fill every minute of every day finding something to do. How long have you been stopped gambling?

Oh no yorkslad, so sorry to hear that. Is your mrs upset with you because of the gambling, or did her giving you an earbashing lead you to gamble? I know its hard but please don't be too hard on yourself. It isnt easy to stop this addiction and stressful situations i'm sure lead so many of us back to it. I hope by now you are feeling a bit better than you did when you wrote your post earlier. I probably am not the best person here to give you advice as i am only just on the recovery road, but i will be here to support you, just as you have been supporting me. Do you have a diary where you can vent on here? if not you can come here any time and i will listen and help in any way i can. Take care of yourself now and come back here anytime, i dont like to think of how low you are right now, i have been there so many times but you will be able to pick yourself up from this and carry on with your recovery as you have been doing