Today was the worst! it wasnt much in terms of cash but it was all I had.
a few days before that i had a bad day losing £700 in one go.
everytime payday comes around i spend the first few days gambling away until i run out and scrape by just to make ends meat to put food on the table.
I have been gambling for 2 years it has always been slots my friends from school introduced me at an early age paying the £5 jackpot machine that than slowly moved onto £500 jackpot machines years later and than the worst was the machines in the bookmakers which I had always said before that i hated thosed places eventually I never had time to go to the amusements and instead found myself going to the bookmakers during lunch hours , even before work making myself late and I always kept it a secret but last month I told my dad for the first time that I had this problem, I went to him as I grew up watching him have a gambling problem and watched him hit rock bottom and thought he was the best person to help me get out of it knowing he hasnt gambled in years.
My fiance who I engaged 4 months ago we are due to get married in 6 months and I couldnt break it to her it would kill her and her parents would find out and that would be the end of me.
I know if i stop as of today I have worked out everything from what I would get in salary up to the date of the wedding I can afford everything including honeymoon but with very tight budgeting and with my head screwed on.. I have taken the steps to self-excluding myself online and in stores and this is the next step to speak with others who know what Im going through.
but I have to do it not just for me but for the girl who has giving up so much for me.
I am 32 and still can have a future but I cant afford anymore to lose another penny.
I even need to clear debts as my credit rating is very poor and im scared of the day when I get turned down for a mortgage.
Hey mate.
Take a deep breath.
I was at this point just over 3 weeks ago. I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I hit rock bottom.
You will be hurting now but what I can tell you, is it will get better. But it needs to be you that wants to change. Deep down I never really wanted to quit all these years. This time round though after nearly losing my mrs and 2 children I knew I had to change.
I read a lot on here and you will surprised how much strength you will get from this. I have been gambling on/off for 14 years or so. I wish I had seeked help earlier. You are in the right place to start your recovery.
What I will tell you is you are not alone. Just writing things down on here and expressing your feelings will help your recovery. Start a diary.
Put all blocks in place and be honest to those around you. Make them aware you know you have a problem and are willing to do everything you can to change, for good.
Keep posting and take it one day at a time.
Best wishes pal
Thanks NickSpurs that helps to know that it will get better just one step at a time. I felt the same when I kept saying im going to quit but I never actually meant it but after telling my family I feel closer to achiveing my goal. just have to get by the next few months I can live comfortably with what I make its just if I lose it than I will have no choice but to come clean to the girl im going to marry.
I will keep reading posts and engaging as much as possible.
as keep a track record from today.
Thanks for your kind words.
Si
Hello, Simon,
This might not sound right but the lost money isn't the point. It's an inevitable symptom of a gambling addiction, it's easy to focus on it, to allow it to distract you from the real problem - your gambling. Money comes and money goes but gambling leads to toxic secrets and bad behaviour, a downward spiral.
You absolutely can go out there and take your life back but if that's what you're going to do, don't be distracted by the finances. Put real barriers and blocks up, tell her because secrets are toxic and take the help that's available via GA and GC counselling to look at the gambling addiction. The finances will - in time - fall into place. But first and foremost, you'll get yourself back.
CW
Hi buddy,
Just reading through your post and well done coming here. This is a great place for support. I won't echo the great advice from CW above but coming from the side as the one who has the problem, the advice given is spot on.
As a gambler one of the hardest things to do is let go of money lost, and that is really what brings us back eventually. As the money goes up then down then up then down, so do our emotions, our behaviours and we stop being ourselves. The money doesn't matter, it's not coming back and if you win, it's only temporary. But everything else that comes with it sticks for good. Relationships can be irreparable due to the underhanded nature of gambling. Support from those close to you will massively boost your recovery. I'm not saying tell your wife because I've told you to, but for your own sake. It may be difficult at first but gamblers thrive on secrecy, we almost always get caught out eventually and it's always better to be honest. You'll have a massive sense of relief and you'll tackle it together. We all make mistakes but I think tackling this alone is another mistake. I had to relapse before I told, and it wasn't a cheap night! Since then loads of support (started with a close friend then partner), attitudes to gambling changed, over a year clean. I never want to do it again, no struggle, debts paid off now, drawn a line. But the barriers stay up for life just in case.
Have a read around, the stories here are amazing and what people do to stop is inspiring. Change comes from us, but support along the way is vital!
Take it easy!
CW great post as always. Phil.
Hi simonm.
Youve had some great advice already and please make sure you have those blocks on. Self exclusion really helped me and stopped me going in again. I renew them every year on the due date.
The born again moment does involve telling someone close so you can get help in monitoring the situation. I understand the situation with a new fiance but feel you should build up some support network of mentioning that you are not to be near these places or machines because you had a problem.
I do understand the situation with new relationship but perhaps you will have the courage in a loving relationship to tell her one day that you dealt with the problem but must never be complacent.
You will beat this with the right support and you will wonder why you ever did it.
I made it history and I handle life so much better now
Being gamble free is a wonderful feling of self respect and freedom
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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