Told everyone

Hi 'Rachel', 

Thank you for opening up it takes a lot of bravery, especially when you are feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. You've already made a huge step by being honest with loved ones and by blocking access to gambling. It's understandable that you are feeling low but please know that you are not on your own. 

If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to to reach out for further support via our helpline on 0808 8020 133 and or 1:1 live chat  on our website. Our advisors are available to speak to 24/7 days a week, to talk things through, listen without judgement, and help you work out your next steps. 

Thank you, 

Kaya

Forum Admin

I appreciate the reply. 

I feel like I've decimated my life and I can't imagine it without my kids and wife. Has anyone else gone through this? I've done the right thing but it feels too little too late. 

I'm devastated 

Sorry to hear mate. Recently told my wife I have a problem and have spent everything. She was really supportive though and said we'll get through it. I watched few gambling documentaries with her so she understands the gambling brain more. Get her to phone gamcare. Hopefully she will realise you didn't want to be like this and she will calm down 

@f6odti42c3 Well done on coming clean. That's such a big and important step. This was my story about 13 months ago. My wife wanted to end it and couldn't deal with the lies and deceit. I threw myself into recovery, attended GA, started a diary, blocked everything, contacted stepchange to sort my debt. Unfortunately your fate is out of your hands now. You just have to show your wife that she is the most important thing and that you will do anything to change and rebuild the trust. Give her time.

I wish you all the best. Keep fighting. 

Thankyou so much for your replies. Can you recommend the documentaries? I don't know if it hurts her more cos we're a same s*x couple- when you're both the mum and wife it's like you just never expect it. 

I'm seeing my parents tomorrow who I lied to about borrowing money. Let's see what they say. 

I've made a list of all the debts I owe back and once I start actually not wasting my wage it might look better. 

Thanks again. 

There is one with Paul Merson who was a famous footballer who spent millions, with a youtuber (apparently) called pie face. Shows you the different scales because one is a millionaire and the other is a young lad.

Have a look on YouTube 👍🏻

You did well for admitting it. My partner is A gambler but he's in denial. If he admitted he had a problem I would support him but as he won't I'm going to end it. Hopefully she will come round , good luck I hope it works out for you. 

Hi everyone. 

Just thought I'd update. Day 5 GF! 

My wife and I are still together for the moment.

I've told close friends and had open and frank conversations with them all. 

I've signed up for gambling counselling - it was so quick and easy. You self refer and a lovely bloke phoned today and then I've got a follow up phone call Friday. 

I've had some chats with my wife about not only the gambling but just constantly being on my phone and how alone and disrespected she felt when I just wouldn't even look up from it. 

I don't know if she'll ever recover from the lies. But telling the truth has become a way for us to be far more close. I do feel lighter. 

Thanks again to everyone for being a safe space I don't know if the guilt and shame are ever going to leave me, but I'd rather be in this space right now than the constant panic and desperation and secrecy. 

Hi Rachel 

Your last words struck a chord with me .. "constant panic and desperation and secrecy"  those words are spot on and exhausting.. I'm 6 days gamble free and have felt like this on and off over the 5 years I have struggled with gambling.. I told my husband last weekend I'm struggling again.  I'm very lucky he is supportive , maybe too trusting in the past which I feel terrible about , I've felt even emotion over these last 6 days ,  anxiety, tearful low mood ,  at a loss without the gambling ,  but each day is getting that little bit easier,   I have told hubby not to transfer anymore apart from essential and any spare I have left I've treated myself to little things , a dress from vinted ,  some furniture paint to paint my dressing table.  The little things I wouldn't have "wasted" my money on when I could have gambled it.  I've got my 1st counselling session next weds.  Good luck with yours x

Just to give everyone some hope - the feelings of regret and anxiety (and many others) do get easier. Life becomes much more bearable. Find things to distract you. Read a book, watch a boxset, go for a walk. It all sounds pretty boring but believe me, you will start to enjoy them and realise that you've been missing out on life. It's easy to focus on regret and shame, but you can't change the past. You can change the future and are doing so now, 1 day at a time. I'm now on 420 days, and to think of the first few weeks makes me feel sick, but now I'm happy and proud of my life and how I've turned it around. Imagine a life, gamble free, debt free, happy. It can be done, as countless people on here can attest to. It may feel like there is no end in sight in the early days, but by not gambling you are making that change and soon enough you will have the life you want.

Stay strong 👍