So I would say for the last 14 months on and off I have searched this site reading through various posts from others with habits not too dissimilar from myself, however, this is my first post on here. It may sound strange but I gathered comfort from reading posts off others just knowing that I wasn't alone in my battle with gambling addiction and the highs and even more lows it brings with it.
A little about myself, I'm now 29 and and had my first gamble on my 21st birthday at a casino..such a great night that was, friends around, a little alcohol and lots of laughter, even managed to leave 50 quid up not really knowing what I was doing!. Fast forward 8 years and I wish I had never stepped foot in that casino on that night. Most of you that hopefully take the time to read this will know what followed..trips to the casino came more frequent, everyday at one point, after awhile friends no longer tagged along, it bacame a secret thing of mine and those times of winning and loosing £50 a binge became winning or losing thousands a session, most commonly the latter. Then came the dreaded emotional dealings of the losses, not wanting to get out of bed dealing with reality, the sickening thought of what you actually lost.. all for what!?. I'm not sure about you but looking back on it all the hardest thing for me to deal with was having to try to convince people around me that everything was OK..to keep up that front, because as you know the last thing us gamblers want to do is tell people what's going on, the amount of times I've been at work on a lunch break and had to put on the show that all is well when maybe just 9 hours before that I had lost £4000 in a casino at 3am in the morning..absolute madness!.
So here I am finally writing this after another one of those not wanting to get out of bed days where I lost £2000 last night on online blackjack..been in this place so many times before and just really wanting to change. This isn't the first time I've wanted to quit and isn't the first time I've tried to. I've barred myself from all my local casinos and from a lot of the online sites, attended GA meetings in the past and asked a friend to look after finances before...but if I'm being real and in my honest opinion, while I no doubt believe these mentioned measures help to not gamble, I think a gambler will always find a way to gamble if they really want to, regardless of what blocks are in place..and I think it therefore boils down to them really wanting to stop.. I mean..I'm living proof of this. I'm hoping that after finally actually posting on here and maybe talking to a few in similar situations I can really start to turn my life around.
Hello there ☺
May i welcome you to GC and am very happy you voiced yourself after a year of reading. This site and supportive community on here is really helpful as you already find out. Great job on self exclusions, they are essential in this battle, because as you already know - urges can come from anywhere anytime. I do agree that the main block is ourselves. The "want" to give up comes from within and it's not easy to get to that stage. ...wanting recovery more than next gamble....but here you are - posting, reading, doing something about your situation...well done ☺
In my 3 years on here i had many relapses. This addiction is definitely progressive. I will never be able to say " i will never gamble again", but recovery is a slow process and today is counted the most. Making that daily choice puts your recovery on the right road and as time passes by, it becomes easier. Finding new hobbies to fill the void is essential (at least for me).
You're doing great. Keep coming on here and post. We all relate to how we feel and helping hand is always stretched out.
I wish you well. Accept that addiction is here for life but you are in control of making that right choice going forward ☺
Keep claiming your life back, it's worth so much more than the misery gambling brings.
I wish you well and hope to see your progress on these pages.
Welcome to recovery!
Sandra
Thanks for your reply hopeful soul..I appreciate your reply back, it's nice to know people hear my thoughts. I had a good nose through some of your posts and threads..there were a couple of articles you posted a while back on addiction in general and gambling addiction, such a good and interesting read and regardless of opinion on why or how people become addicted to things as in our case gambling, I think it's defiantly most important to recognise that the addiction is bigger and deeper than us mere humans can understand or fully comprehend as there are so many factors involved. Moving on from that though, I defiantly want and need recovery..I'm long fed up of being in the grips of this love hate relationship with this disease, I guess it's that old cliche you see and hear everywhere of "taking one day at a time".
It would be great to talk to you and anybody else who wants to share their journey as I really believe it's a lifetime one, for me one of the hardest things is having nobody to talk to about it, nobody who understands it. I suppose that's why everybody on here finds it easy to talk to one another about our struggle but wouldn't dare tell one of our closest friends or family members...crazy isn't it!.
Hi hooked fish
I stumbled on this site yesterday when enough was enough for me, like you had no one to talk my problems through with or who would understand. It's nice to vent my actual situation and know no judgement is on the other end.
I know it's one day at a time but after all the attempts to stop I think I am there in the wanting to quit and thus not finding ways round like you mentioned. I have self excluded all places I know of now and looking forward getting my life back on track.
I'm not sure why I gambled for so long as it has brought me nothing but misery and so much debt that is a struggle to *** how got there when could of gone on so many other things.
Keep strong
nb
Hi Hooked fish and new beginnings and welcome guys ! Hf , you're absolutely right, the blocks you put in place and keeping the time money location triangle broken are all good ways of stopping you gamble but they can all be got around if you want too , so it really does boil down to you and your willpower and how much you want to stop gambling , in a nutshell you simply have to want not to bet , more than you want to bet ! The other thing you mentioned was talking to people on here because you can't talk to others who wouldn't understand? . The trouble is that our gambling addiction or habit thrives on secrecy , so the best thing you can do is to be open and honest with the closest to you, that way it makes you more accountable!
Hey hf ☺
Glad to see you posting!..maybe worth starting a diary in diaries section? ..just a thought. I suppose more souls visits that particular bit of the forum so you can get more support and thoughts on the subject ☺..besides, you're not as " new new" to recovery 🙂
Yes, tackling this addiction we have to look at ourselves first and i find it very important part in this journey. The triggers, emotions, daily life. .. i guess many factors involves mindset. Digging deep and finding root cause is advisable indeed. Sometimes it hurts more, but the understanding of it all puts our poor choices into perspective.
It's all about learning and taking it slowly...at your own pace ☺
Hope to see you around more, keep working at your recovery one day at a time and enjoy the benefits it brings. You will definitely start seing the difference (for the better) soon enough ☺
Take care and keep up good work!
S x
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