Week defining the rest of my life

Good luck!

Thankyou lasttime93

All the best !!

Thank you for all he support you're giving me ! You're doing well too buddy ! 43 days GF that's an achievement. I'm pleased for all the positive things that's happening in your life . Abstain and Maintain my friend !

Sars

NevetsEgdelloc wrote:

Well I am now 33 days gf and feeling good about it. My fiancГ©e found out which I'm pleased about because it gave me the kick in the b**t I needed to stop. Obviously she is very angry and hurt and says she doesn't know wether she can carry on the relationship. She is due to go away for the weekend to visit family and says she will take that time to clear her head and decide what she wants to do. I read a post earlier saying 'gambling or happiness, cos you can't have both' which hit the nail right on the head. Very very true that comment is.i have chosen the correct one of happiness if she will let me try and be the person I know I can be and kick this addiction for good. The thing is this is the biggest 'gamble' of my life right now. If she comes back and says she can't continue then I lose everything, the love of my life, the house we bought together last year. If she comes back and says she's willing to continue and get the help we both need then I'll be the happiest and feel like the luckiest person ever to walk the face of the earth. It really is the gamble of all gambles. Wish me luck because I really really need it. Thankyou

Nev

Hi Nev, I am a new member on here and have come to terms that my gambling has got the better of me and is out of control. After reading your story I'm in a similar prediciment and scared to lose the love of my life too. I really do hope your fiance sticks by you and my girlfriend sticks by me as I want nothing more than to have a future with her, but would completely understand if she decided to leave me. Please let me know how you get on, rooting for you!

Lets hope we can both have a happy gambling free lifestyle.

Ben

just for a moment forget about your fiance

What do you need to do to help you tackle this?

You need to start working on whatever it is now, not when she is back, certainly not dependant on her

I sincerley hope she does choose to stay with you but this ultimately needs to be about you

Hi Nev

Im in exakly same situation my wife one forgive me dets i creat by gambling and help me move forward hmm but like a adict i whent and done it again now that was 3 weeks ago and my wife battle same problem to stay with me or not we are still in same house atm on top of that we got 2 young kinds age 1 and 4 we bought our house 2 years ago and its look to me like im going to losse all of it i put one of our bussines in very hard fiancial situation becouse of my problem im looking for help ever where i can just to try win with it is hard as hell i been there all my life i feel like i keep going to that like to some first love or somthing that i cant live without i could talk and talk in this post but all i hope and rout for ur mate every one here on this forum got same problem as u and me or had same problem and is lucky to life his or hers life and i really want to be there.

good luck

Kamil

Hi Nev. Hope things are okay. Yoir story stood out for me when you commented on my post.

I was intrigued to find out how things went with your missus going away for the weekend? Hope it worked out for the best and your on track still?

Paul

Hi WilliamsEight9

Sorry for the late reply. Well my partner came back from her break willing to give me a chance on the relationship. With conditions, getting help through these forums, councilling, telling close friends for extra support and giving her financial control. To which I have met these conditions. I am still GF, I'm currently 71 days which I'm proud of. Since she came back it's been an emotional rollercoaster as she seems to have turned dark. We speak, still living together, still sleep in the same bed. She still has her engagement ring on but in truth there's no passion there which makes my head spin. If whenever I ask how she is i get the same answers "I'm not sure at the minute" or "I don't know how long it will take for me to start forgiving" I feel like a spare part sometimes, my life has stood still tbh. My councillor has offered her advice for her too but she fobs it off saying "I'm not sure". When it first came to light she said she would support me, but since I've told friends it's them who I get more support off, even if it is just to ask how I am or any urges every other day. My partner hasn't once asked me how I feel. I've tried every tactic to get her to see Im not gambling, being stand offish to let her get her head around it, then bought her little gifts as the days/weeks past, still no sign of forgiveness. She reads posts on here but I feel she just picks up on the negative comments. "Once a gambler always a gambler" "can't be trusted" and all the rest of it. I sometimes feel like throwing in the towel and giving up trying. I'm concerned the longer it takes for her to forgive, the more used I will get not having her love and support and will not want her anymore and that kind of scares me because I love her with all my heart but I'm just stuck as to what to do!

Still no gambling for 71 days and I don't intend too and have no urges at all.

Thanks

Nev

WilliamsEight9

I forgot to put in, I'm now enjoying watching my football team without anything riding in the outcome. My partner always asks "are you not going out to watch it" it feels like she wants me to go out and **** up in some way, either by cheating or gambling so she has the reason to end the relationship, as it is im the one in the wrong and feels like if she leaves then it would look bad on her leaving without giving me the support. I know 100% I would not do this, I'm doing the gambling free for myself not just for her. I feel better in myself by not gambling and I know I can't do anything more to show I'm not going back to that dark place. Thanks

Nev

Dear nev forgiveness is not overnight. You've shocked her. 71 days is not long enough, it's not forever, it's just for today. It's you that feels this way, what does forgiveness feel like? You will always be a compulsive gambler, you are in recovery. Just let it go, stop asking her how she is. Show her, change, don't think this will get better so quickly. It's a massive decision and if she is reading the forum she is seeing how many relapse. She can read the wives stories like mine, gambling secretly all our married lives. Having to be in control. Trust, I don't trust anyone. You have to think about you and your behaviour, what you have done and change you. You can't decide for her. You said if she decided to leave you lose everything. Unfortunately that decision was yours and that's what you don't see. Don't put so much pressure on her, make amends. Work on you, good luck!

Merry go round

Thanks for your quick and honest reply. I appreciate what you are saying. Maybe it is just in my own head and I do need to not expect too much but it easier said than done. I do realise I've shocked and hurt her. I will beat it, and I will ride this rocky storm 🙂

Nev

Nev,

you didn't even confess. 'My fiancГ©e found out which I'm pleased about'

well done on the 71 days. Im currently on 136 GF, I confessed and no my wife has anything but forgiven me, It will take me years to get anywhere close to regaining her trust, I don't expect to ever regain her trust on any financial matters. I'm not even sure that our marriage is going to survive but she hasn't as yet pulled the plug totally.

Factual evidence and proof over a sustained period are going to be fundamental to us.

For you a massive weight has been lifted, YOUR problem - over night -has been halved, your OH have just taken on half those problems, plus she has to deal with the realisation of the lies, the deceipt and is probably questioning every single aspect of your relationship. You have been lying to her about your gambling, what else. maybe nothing but she doesn't know that, your words mean nothing right now, it is only your actions.

100% openness and honesty will be crucial going forward, as will patience in regards your relationship, even then it MIGHT not be enough but she took a little time to think and she doesn't want to end it yet so thank your lucky stars that you still have hope. Many CG don't even get that. I've no doubt you want reassurance, commitment and hope, so do I, yet it is totally unfair to be putting pressure on her now.

well done again on the 71 days, keep that going and be patient, whatever your OH wants to see, show her - bank accounts, credit files, emails, phone - if you have nothing to hide and you want to give the relationship a chance then you will be happy to commit to all this

best wishes