What can I do??

Hello C - welcome to the site! You are feeling very down at the moment - take heart - you will start feeling better soon if you follow the advice and read all the posts on this site and keep posting as well! You found this site and know you need help WELL DONE. That's the first step. You say that you gamble because you have a cr** life? WRONG ... you have a cr** life because you GAMBLE!! You know that hideous feeling after you gamble, feeling shaky, sick, sweat, angry, hating yourself etc etc?? soon as you stop,'the feelings subside and you actually start to feel better. Start a diary on here and talk to people on the site. I have never told anyone about my gambling. It's not an easy burden to bear alone which is why you need to keep posting on here. Lots of help on the site - go for it! I wish you the very best start on your journey to recovery. Stay in touch. Helen. X

HI C,

Firstly well done on taking the step of coming to this site and having the guts to write down everything that you have. I know that it probably won't feel like it's made a huge immediate difference but it is a really valuable step as the first step in the right direction is the most important if things are ever going to change, which they absolutely can!!

I'm really sorry for the place you find yourself in, not just financially but more importantly in terms of your self esteem and wellbeing. It sounds very much like you have been slipping into a depression that has infected how you view all aspects of your life and makes it incredibly hard to sperate everything and know where to start.

Please know that just by opening up here you are no longer alone with all of this and from this point forward you can start to incrementally access as much support as you feel you want and need.

I can't soft soap it all, there are some daunting obsticles to potentially overcome if things are to truly get better but all of them also have positive connotations attatched and by taking things on one at a time and reminding yourself that life can and will get better the motivation to face up to things and take action will get easier, though not overnight or without a bit of what will undoubtably feel like hard work

I have to ask (quite bluntly), does taking action that currently seems embarrassing, scary and outside of your comfort zone seem any worse than the feelings that you've already experienced? What if taking that action does start to make life feel incrimentally better?

I have to re-enforce what Helen has already said in her reply, it may seem like you have a cr** life at the moment but gambling is clearly contributing heavily towards that so it seems we have to find a way to stop viewing gambling as a potential solution or escape, because as you know it is neither. It is dragging you down and stopping you from being able to heal from other traumatic events and will definately create more hardship over time.

It seems like subconsciously (or even consciously) you are using gambling as a way to punish yourself and keep yourself feeling that life has nothing to offer you anymore. This is absolutely not true, it is the stinking thinking that comes with a prolonged period of depression and exaserbated further by gambling. As glib as it sounds the cycle of 'cr** life = gambling = cr** life' has to be broken for things to stop being cr**. There is no other way.

I'm going to list some practical steps that can possibly be taken to start the process of making real change to things. I can only go on what you have said and obviously don't know the depth of in's and out's of your life so I apologise if they seem a little cliched or irrelevent. I am not in anyway judging you in any of this (I am in no position to!) and really hope that there can be something of use in all of this.

Firstly, and I know you are going to be uncomfortable with this, you should really consider telling somebody you know. It isn't nice to show a side of ourselves that we have kept hidden and reveal our weaknesses to others. It can be embarrassing and feel like we're belittling ourselves.

In reality though, is there really anybody who could be more disappointed in you than you already feel in yourself? We are our own biggest critics and often project our own self-loathing onto others and assume they will feel the same way about us. This is NOT the case at all. Others do see the good in us that frequently we do not see ourselves and will offer support if it is reached out for.

I understand that given your circumstances that you feel that you cannot tell your parents, I do think they may be more understanding and able to give practical (non financial) support than you believe right now and obviously they care about you very much. But if telling them is too much right now then maybe someone else is a better place to start.

You've said that you cannot face seeing your G.P. Is this something you would reconsider if it had a possibilty of giving you another outlet of not feeling so lost? It sounds like you could definately use some help with depression. It will certainly be easier with that help, even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Remember that you have to stop beating yourself up and making things more difficult and allow yourself to take an easier path if it's available. Seriously consider making an appointment and being open and frank about the way you are feeling and mentioning the strong role gambling has had in this and do ask if you can access some counselling support.

I know it's a cliche, but sharing things with someone in a face to face manner realy does help with externalising all of the accumulated negativity that has built up over time ('a problem shared...' etc) and if you are to give yourself a genuinely better shot at walking away from a lifetime of gambling then you need to 'tool yourself up' with everything at your disposal and losing a chunk of that negative thinking is an absolute must. The good thing with seeing a G.P is that everything that happens from that point on is as confidetial as you want it to be so it doesn't have to impact on your relationship with others if you do not want it to.

Obviously the G.P is not the only place that you can go for help, there will possibly be support groups in your local area and counselling available both online and over the phone available whenever you need extra support (Gamcare offer online/phone counselling options)

Another practical step is allowing someone else to help you with managing your finances for an extended period of time whilst you start to break the gambling cycle. I know that sounds unappealing, nobody likes to give the impression that they are not capable of controlling their own money and I appreciate that it's hard to find someone who you trust enough to do this and keep things confidential.

You say that you are keeping up with work and able to get overtime. Would life feel any better if you were seeing the level of debt you have decrease and that it continued doing so until you are eventually debt free? Would it at least feel like one less thing in the melting pot of stress?

You do have a way of doing this, although it will obviously take a chunk of time and a sacrificing of some of your autonomy, it sounds that when compared to life at the moment this may be a sacrifice that's worth making.

It really is not a weakness to need help to help yourself, asking for it is one of the strongest things you could ever do. You may feel uncomfortable with asking family or friends to help with this but how about someone like Citizens Advice or the National Debt Helpline?

You've said that you have lost all social confidence and interest in wider things in life. This is totally usual for anyone who has become engrossed in the escapism of gambling (even if that escapism is into what feels like hell). Gambling creates an (unhealthy) overload of emotions in a short space of time that nothing else really does in quite the same way. That those emotions are frequently numbness and negativity is not enough to keep us away because we are at leat feeling something big when our lives simultaniously feel like they are shrinking... That feeling however is only because we have pushed out all of our ability to appreciate other things, there is no space left to do so.

As with anything habitual, it is hard to stop gambling and not at times feel like you are depriving yourself of something. There will be a big gap where gambling was, especially when it has been so consuming. That is where rediscovering the things in life that we have forgotten how to enjoy (that seem dull or unexciting right now) start taking a bigger significance in our lives again. Things like watching telly, reading books, going to the cinema, going for walks, cooking meals etc all start to feel more enjoyable again and the more time that passes the more adequate these things feel in keeping us occupied. You said that you treated your children to a day out, did that provide you with a feeling of enjoyment that was outside of gambling? If so it shows that there is an ability there to fill time with other stuff, though like everything it takes perseverance and strength.

It is a long road back to full control and living life without the intensity that gambling introduces but it is entirely possible no matter how long you have been stuck in this rut. It is really important though that you don't try to do this alone C, not when you do not have to. Pride is not more rewarding than making progress and feeling supported. You've already done brilliantly in coming here and sharing how bad things have got and a desire to make things better. Keep on posting/reading and when ready take those (scary) steps into the unknown of grabbing some extra help. Once you do you will find yourself alot furhter down the happy road and not looking back anymore.

You can do this. I believe in you.

All the best mate.

Ian.

Hi Helen & Ian. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my message, much appreciated. I'm at work so can't reply in depth. At this current time I feel I can't drag any one else down with me and would rather try getting my life back on my own although I will make an appointment with my local gp. I am very low at the moment having no money and waiting for pay day next Friday. Been here hundreds of times in the past just waiting for the days to pass by until I get paid.

I've blocked out so many things in the past when I should of faced up to them but gambling is a way of life and helps me forget about things. Now I'm on my own and have more time to myself and don't have to explain or lie where I've been I find life to me is all about gambling. Hardest part is going to be next Friday when I get paid, I can't remember the last day I haven't gambled on the day I've been paid!? But I'm going to transfer my money into my mums account as a start.

Socially I've become a bit of a recluse not really bothered about going out. Prob due to having no money, all I seem to do is work, sleep,gamble & have the kids in between. Going to book a hol for me & the kids next Friday as something to look forward too and try my hardest not to gamble, maybe treat myself rather chuck money away. Thanks again for replying, I best get back to work! Chris

Hi Chris

Well done for finding this site and admitting to yourself that you need help. I agree it is hard to motivate to do things when you are feeling low but just remember the feelings you had when you had been gambling. Nothing can be as bad as that. Having no money really sucks and I used to long for payday so I could gamble, sometimes staying up til passed midnight when the money went in and gambling til 4 in the morning. Then getting up for work, all my wages gone (including rent, services, loan money). The despair I felt was indescribable except I don't need to describe them to you because you know what they are like, as we all do here.

If your mum knows about your problem could you not just get your wages paid into an account which only she can access and then transfer some to you. Otherwise you may have the urge to gamble before you transfer it. Only my sister has access to my account where my wages are paid and she leaves in the money needed for loans, rent etc and I get the rest. Works for me.

Finding things to do with your time is tricky especially with a lack of money but think back to pre-gambling days to see if there are any pastimes you can recreate. Free ones are best of course, reading, drawing, making paper planes LOL.

I think a booking a holiday is a good idea. Something to focus on and look forward to. Depends where you are going but perhaps you could spend your free time learning the language of the country of your choice. I can't afford a holiday but learning a new language is top of my free things to do. I think I might try Elvish (sorry, that's the Lord of the Rings fan coming out).

Anyway, keep strong and keep posting.

Elfie x

Hi Chris - There's not much I can add to the sound advice from the previous posters, except to say that you can start to walk a little taller from now on because you have found the courage to face up to things and are trying to forge a better life for yourself. At the moment you may feel that you have lost everything, including your self-confidence and self-esteem, but remember that you have the most precious gift of all - your children. For their sakes you will find the strength to fight back and to rid yourself of this terrible addiction. They will be your motivation to seek a new way of life and to give them happy memories for the future. It's a really good idea to take them on holiday - I hope that during that time you will be able to relax and start to enjoy the simple things which make life worth living.

Keep coming back to the Forum for help and encouragement - you can do this!

Best wishes,

Joanna

Thank you Elfie & Joanna for replying.

I'm feeling a little more positive than I was thanks to all your support I know it's going to be very difficult to overcome my demons. Next Friday is the day it starts when I have money. I'm def booking a holiday but not abroad ( I wish) only a sun holiday. Biggest problem is staying out of the bookies,I'm just drawn to the machines! I actually enjoy betting on the football, I always have the intention on walking in,place a few bets and go but sadly I can't! The machines are like a drug that I can't control. Like the advice you have given me I need to find other things to do but being my age & single it's very difficult to do things.

Would like a bit of advice on a few things??

Firstly how should I start the process of not gambling?

Do I need counselling to start with?

Can going on anti depressants help at all?

I'm worried that going onto medication will give me a high and make me want to gamble?

And lastly if I meet some one again is it best not to tel them I'm a compulsive gambler?

Many thanks againn

Chris x

Hey Chris, Ian here again. Really glad you are feeling that little bit more positive today, good stuff. You say that you have no means to gamble at the mo (until next Friday) which whilst rubbish in some ways (i.e no cash) is a bit of a blessing as you have some breathing space to explore stuff.

I have some advive/opinions on the things you've asked (all brilliant quaestions by the way!!) but as it's a bit late/early and I want to give you well considered answers so I'll leave it until tomorrow (well, later today) or Sunday to give my tuppenny's worth.

Just wanted you to know that your posts are being read and that you absolutely have support.

Keep a hold of that glimmer of positivity, you deserve a bit of an emotional break after everything you've had to stomach recently and try to enjoy some, if not all of the weekend!

Okay, so this is a bit epic. I've tried to answer the questions as fully as I can but I don't half go on a bit!

Y'might need a cup of tea and several biscuits to get through this.

Firstly how should I start the process of not gambling?

Blimey, this is a really good question and one that I’ve had to have a good think over. I guess there isn’t necessarily one definitive ‘starting point’ as such; there are a number of things that could be taken into consideration all depending on what you feel applies individually to you.

I’d maybe suggest thinking a little bit about where you feel your ‘rock bottom’ is. I don’t mean ruminate or dwell on it to the point of feeling unnecessarily negative about things, remember that moving forward is absolutely not about beating yourself up. I mean more, do you think you have hit rock bottom or even gone beyond it?

If you feel you have hit it then perhaps ask yourself if you’d be willing to do anything and everything that you could to re-build things in a better image? And are you able to accept that it will take time?

If you don’t feel you hit your lowest yet (which I hope isn’t the case) ask yourself where you genuinely envisage it being? And what you would be willing to do to avoid going there?

I know this sounds like a patronising thing to suggest and I’m really not trying to in any way patronise you. I just think the very best place to start is by accepting that you cannot or do not want to go any lower and that somewhere beneath all of the emotions that surround you at the moment you are absolutely ready and willing to fight for your right to the better life that you undoubtedly deserve.

So much about stopping such a consuming habit can be about practical things but the vast majority is about mental focus so positive re-enforcements (little things we think to ourselves to keep believing in our ability to change things) are a really useful thing to start getting our heads around. To begin with, as daft as it will probably feel, we have to do these things consciously and make ourselves think them but over time they will become part of your subconscious and you’ll find yourself thinking them without even knowing it.

These re-enforcements can sound anyway you want them to, you don’t need to resort to cliches if they feel stupid and anything that does sound cliched can always be re-worded to feel more suited to something that you can actually buy into (e.g. “I refuse to give up because I haven’t tried all possible ways” could become “There’s more than one option and I’m taking the one that isn’t going to f@#k up my life”).

Another thought exercise is to try and sit with any negative thoughts and feelings for a bit. I don’t mean sit there and bring ourselves down (remember, no beating ourselves up!) more to learn over time to not be scared of or a slave to negative thoughts. The idea is to essentially catch yourself when you have any urges born out of negative thinking and instead of acting out on them just....stop....sit there and let your brain do its thing, let it roll around all aspects of whatever has flooded you and don’t fight it. A thought never hurt anybody, only the actions that followed that thought. So once that thought has rumbled around for a bit of time find something calming to distract yourself with, television is a good one or looking out of the window, going for a short walk is also good. You do not need to focus on what you are watching or looking at, just take long slow breaths and let yourself just ‘be’. Do this for a good length of time. You’ll not suddenly feel amazing or anything quite so unrealistic, you’ll most likely feel a little bit drained and tired. You will however have passed through the negative urges and reduced your stress levels and be in a much calmer space mentally.

So, those are a couple of ideas based around the broader mental aspect of tackling things initially. They are techniques that broadly speaking are based around what is known as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) whilst this may sound a bit ‘medical’ it really isn’t. CBT is something that we all use in everyday life consciously and unconsciously to keep ourselves balanced. As compulsive gamblers we have simply disconnected ourselves from the part of our brain that does it for us so kick-starting that again is really invaluable and definitely the place I would start! (No matter how daft it seems)

As for more ‘hands on’ practical things to do, the most obvious place I can think of starting is making it an absolute priority to ensure that you’ve self-excluded from every available outlet that you have used to gamble (be it betting shops or online). In the case of bookies this can be tricky as the first thought is to stroll in to pick up a form... BIG TRIGGER WARNING!... There is every likelihood that once close to the bookies that nerves will kick in and by the time you’ve walked through the door you’ll be wrestling with not going through the process, leaving you stood in a bookies with little else to do but.. (You’ve guessed it!). You could put an hour aside at some point over the next couple of days to phone all of the bookies you know and explain that you wish to self exclude and request that they post you the forms required. It is pretty customary for us tricky gamblers to try and leave a back door open somewhere ‘just encase we get things under control again’, as someone who has relapsed myself I would really strongly advise against doing that. In truth there will always be somewhere you can go to gamble if you really want to, you can’t exclude yourself from every bookies, pub, arcade etc in the land. However, I think it’s really important to at least symbolically close the door by removing access to everywhere that you know of that has become part of your habit.

This is going to be my shortest bit of advice (yeah, I know, I don’t half go on...) but it is the one with probably the biggest thing to have to digest. I know that you like certain aspects of gambling Chris and feel that you have control over them (like the footie bets) but the truth is it is all or nothing (and nothing isn’t a great option). It is going to initially feel like you are depriving yourself of something as even though you will be ridding yourself of something that has destroyed you (the FOBT machines) you’ll also be removing something that you see as pleasurable (sports betting). The thing is you cannot do one without the other. I do not just mean because the machines are in the bookies. By engaging in ANY gambling activity you are leaving a big part of your consciousness open to falling backwards and it simply will happen, at some point, no matter how safe you think you are. Even if you think this is b@llocks and you can do one without the other....Think about that rock bottom....Do you REALLY want to risk that?

So, there’s the starting point. Begin to gear up (and ‘tool up’) mentally and start putting the first practical blocks in place. If you can get on and do these things ASAP you’ll be laying a brilliant foundation.

Do I need counselling to start with?

In short, No. Counselling is a brilliant help once those initial foundation steps have been taken and if you are sitting okay with the idea (I know that it probably doesn’t feel entirely comfortable, but that is natural) I’d seriously consider getting on to it. Counselling can come from different places; maybe a good place to start is with Gamcare. They provide online and telephone counselling and may also be able to sign-post personal face to face counselling services in your area. This could be in the form of ‘one to one’ counselling or group counselling (such as G.A).

When you go to see your G.P it would also be beneficial to ask them to access counselling through your local Community Health Team. I say to ask because most G.P’s are pushed for time and might not always take the time to refer you of their own volition, so a little nudge may be required.

This counselling will be one on one and can cover anything and everything you wish to talk about, not just gambling (though obviously that would be a part of it) but also anything else that you want to get off your chest. Going to a stranger and telling them the in’s and out’s of things may undoubtedly feel awkward to begin with (pretty natural to feel that way) but it can really be a huge help to have someone who isn’t going to judge you just sit there and listen. This may all feel a bit wishy washy and ‘therapeutic’ but if you take away the word ‘therapy’ from ‘talking therapy’ what are you left with....Yep, it’s only talking mate and that’s nowt to be embarrassed about.

Can going on anti depressants help at all?

There isn’t a specific answer I can give for this. It is totally down to the individual and whether they think there will be a benefit. I would certainly say that it could be a benefit if you are prepared to give it a shot. If you are generally carrying around a low mood (what I call ‘a bag of hammers’) and have been for a long time and know within yourself that it isn’t just because of the gambling then there is every chance that your chemical balance is a bit low on serotonin (the stuff that makes us feel at peace with the world) and all anti-depressants do is top that up. There are a lot of misconceptions about them out there that lead to wariness but on the whole (if used properly) they are completely safe and pretty unobtrusive. The only thing I will say is that they do have to be used for a reasonable length of time to work (start working after a couple of weeks and should be taken for at least 6 months) and that if you do decide to try them but then change your mind you have to be very careful to not just stop taking them dead. They need to be reduced over a withdrawal period of a month or so to ensure that you don’t crash into a temporary very low mood period. As someone who stupidly once did the latter I would REALLY emphasise that last point!

I'm worried that going onto medication will give me a high and make me want to gamble?

Quite simply put, they won’t. Even when they have taken the time to kick in the difference you’ll feel won’t really be drastic. By that I mean it isn’t like a switch get’s clicked and suddenly you’re in a different head space. It’s a subtle thing, and won’t stop negative thoughts per se (we ALL have negative thoughts from time to time). It will however stop those negative thoughts from turning into negative feelings and the associated impulses. They will not in of themselves make you want to stop gambling or gamble, just help lift your general mood a little (back to somewhere ‘normal’, if there is such a thing). Should add though, anti depressants = no booze!! (Booze is a depressant and the two DO NOT mix).

And lastly if I meet someone again is it best not to tell them I'm a compulsive gambler?

Sheesh! You’re getting a bit positive here Chris, good man!!

In all seriousness I think for the time being (a few months maybe) you should maybe just take the time to focus on yourself and find that central ‘at peace’ feeling that you’ve been denied for what sounds like quite a while. That way whatever happens after you’ll be presenting a much better, happier and confident self to the world and good things will happen as a result.

To answer the question though... It’s totally up to you. For me, I have always told my partners about things as early as possible (obviously not as part of a chat up line or anything). So much of a life with gambling involved involves hiding things and lying and waiting to be found out etc Why would you want to continue (after the habit is kicked) with the same thing happening?!

If she’s a keeper she’ll see just how awesome you are for having been honest and how strong you’ve been to get over things and move forward with confidence.

I hope there’s something in all of this that encourages you forward Chris. Sorry it was such a long read. Getting straight to the point is not really my forte!!

Keep up the positivity and do everything you can this week to make Friday not such a challenge.

Keep posting and sharing

Take it easy

Ian.

Thank you Ian for taking the time to reply, I'm overwhelmed by the help & advice you have given me.

I have taken it all on board and even thou I haven't gambled for about a week due to having no money at least I haven't pawned my iPad or phone to fund my habit, so that's at least 150 I've saved this month. It does help to read other posts on here as I can so relate to peoples actions & problems & realise I'm not some kind of freak.

I've been a little more positive these last few days but as Friday getting closer ( pay day) I must admit I'm becoming a bit more apprehensive about things!

For a start I'm determined not to gamble for the first time in years on the day I get paid. For me it's a big thing, I'm lucky in 1 aspect my nearest bookie is 9 miles away so i always have to drive but sat I'm working all day and am thinking about placing football bets. In an ideal world I would love to be strong enough to walk in place my footy bets & walk out, if I could do that I would be well chuffed. But I'm pretty sure this isn't a good ideal is it!? For the first time on ages I sat down and watched a match last night & actually enjoyed it without placing any bets.

I guess what I want to say is it ever possible to control my gambling? Most things in my life are linked to gambling & it would seem impossible to me to shut it out completely!?? Every where you look it seems to be linked to some form of gambling or is that just what a compulsive gambler notices?

I'm thinking controlling or limiting my gambling is asking too much & maybe I should stop all together, but what happens when it comes to raffles, sweep stakes at work etc!? It's all gambling!

I'll keep you posted how I get on it's going to be tough as I'm on my own for a week, I have a wedding sat night to look forward too thou.

Sorry for rambling on a bit, hope it kinda makes sense.

Chris

Well, after building myself up not to gamble as soon as I got paid I gambled! 😔

Had the intentions to place some small bets on the footy but sadly was drawn to the fobt machines.

Now counting my losses I've spent over 1k in the matter of a few days. Looks like it's going to be. Typical month struggling & borrowing through to the end of the month. At least now I suppose as a compulsive gambler I need to avoid the betting shops completely. Feel really down & could kick myself, was so positive about things leading up to the day I got paid.

Missed a mates wedding because I felt so s**t!

Feel like I've let everyone down on here.

Chris

Hi All. Been a while since I've posted anything on here. And to be honest nothing's changed, if anything it's got worse. I'm lying in bed again where I'll be most of the day thinking about my gambling losses. Dropped the kids off last night and drove straight to the bookies with the intention of placing a few bets on the footy. Low & be hold put a tenner in the fobt machine & after a few visits to the cash machine lost £750. All my money gone for the month. Now a usual month waiting for pay day. I work so hard for nothing, every month the same. I walk into the bookies & it's like something takes over me!? I'm 42 & back with my parents life is just c**P, if it wasn't for my 2 kids I really think I wouldn't be here. All I do now is count the days down until I get paid. Soon as my money is in the bank I'll start gambling. I joined 2 casino sites the day I got paid & lost £1000 just chasing my losses. Thinking straight now I know these sites are an absolute con, I self excluded from them but I'm sure I could join another next month. I won back some money Friday (whilst at work) betting on dogs & footy but lost that yesterday. It just seems all I think about is gambling 24/7. I even do imaginary bets online. Really don't know what to do, no one to turn too, not dragging my parents into this. I've been gambling since I was 15 so I'm not even convinced I can change? It's just so hard to be positive about anything now, just a typical month.

Hi All. Been a while since I've posted anything on here. And to be honest nothing's changed, if anything it's got worse. I'm lying in bed again where I'll be most of the day thinking about my gambling losses. Dropped the kids off last night and drove straight to the bookies with the intention of placing a few bets on the footy. Low & be hold put a tenner in the fobt machine & after a few visits to the cash machine lost £750. All my money gone for the month. Now a usual month waiting for pay day. I work so hard for nothing, every month the same. I walk into the bookies & it's like something takes over me!? I'm 42 & back with my parents life is just c**P, if it wasn't for my 2 kids I really think I wouldn't be here. All I do now is count the days down until I get paid. Soon as my money is in the bank I'll start gambling. I joined 2 casino sites the day I got paid & lost £1000 just chasing my losses. Thinking straight now I know these sites are an absolute con, I self excluded from them but I'm sure I could join another next month. I won back some money Friday (whilst at work) betting on dogs & footy but lost that yesterday. It just seems all I think about is gambling 24/7. I even do imaginary bets online. Really don't know what to do, no one to turn too, not dragging my parents into this. I've been gambling since I was 15 so I'm not even convinced I can change? It's just so hard to be positive about anything now, just a typical month.

Hi,

On the basis that the best help will come from someone with the same illness, GA? Ideally, today? And following their advice.

Yes it's an effort. But the alternative is more of the same. You could find that out the hard way or you could make that effort.

Wish you well,

CW

Thanks for replying CW & HL. I'm being negative but I just can't see a wait out. I've lost everything anyway, my wife saw sense and ended the marriage a few years ago & I only get to see the kids a few days a week. I've kinda got used to spending all my money at the start of the month & then waiting for pay day to come along so the feelings not new. I've got nothing to replace the gambling with, I've just got no interest in anything. It's holding me back in finding a relationship, I'd love to spend time with a partner but scared of dragging them into my problems. Like I've said the only thing good in my life are my 2 kids, they keep me going. I've read some of your posts CW and I don't expect any sympathy but your husband is very lucky your supporting him even though it must be very difficult for you too. I'm posting on here HL which is a start I guess, prob because I have no money & have no means to gamble. I'm not able to borrow either because I've messed up my credit rating. The usual from a compulsive gambler. One on one counselling would help as i wouldn't be into group therapy. I've tried paying my wages into my parents accounts which hasn't worked as I just lie to them and get the money back. They know I have gambling problems but were a family that doesn't really deal with issues. We're very close & I wouldn't want to burden them with it. Chris