Hi all,
I am a gambler. My wife has just found out and is ready to leave me. I have lots of debts which I have lied about for years. She suffers from anxiety and depression and all I have wanted to do is tell her about my problems but I have always stopped myself because she has made amazing progress with her illness and I didnt want to set her back. She was very poorly at one point and I had to put all my energy into supporting her as a good husband would do. However, having given up once without any help I found myself being drawn into gambling again;I dont know why maybe it was a coping mechansim.
I know that given the right help I can stop and over time pay off my debts and give her the life she and my 2 year old daughter deserve. Deep down this is all I have ever wanted. This bloody addiction has ruined my life and I hate it!!
I dont yearn to gamble everyday only when I have money in my account. If I dont have the money I dont miss it. Why do I feel the need to gamble when I have money. I have lied and lied and lied to so many people for so long I feel I dont know how to tell the truth. I have been in denial for so long!
I feel almost a sense of relief that she knows but I am terrified that she will not stay around to support me through this. I really need her help but I am not sure she will stand by me and given my lives and the position I have put us in I wouldnt blame her.
I have cancelled all my accounts with online companies and put a block on my computer. I am determined to sort this out and seek help once again and rid myself of this horrible condition and hopefully salvage what should be a fantastic marriage to an amazing woman.
Jae
Hi Jae,
A very warm welcome to the forum.
As you know, stopping a gambling problem is not easy but, as you rightly say, with the right help and support it can be done.
You can get a lot of support from others here on the forum and you may also want to consider having counselling sessions. If you call our Helpline on 0808 8020133 or the Netline on http://www.gamcare.org.uk/netline you can talk in confidence to one of our advisors and we can refer you for counselling and offer you more help and support.
Good that you have installed the blocking software on your computer, that should help make gambling more difficult for you.
We are here to offer support to family members as well so if your wife is being affected by your gambling problem she is very welcome to call our Helpline or Netline for support.
Wishing you all the best
Catarina
You can succeed. With determination and love you can rebuild. Get all the help here and outside. You have taken the right steps - if having money is the biggest risk get your wife or someone you trust to manage money - and live gamble free and be the husband and father you want to be
You can do it my friend
J
Hi Jae, welcome to recovery 🙂
Great start with the exclusion & blockers, this should break your Time-Money-Location triangle & all you need to do it remove 1 & you can't gamble!
What you have explained is very common especially for people that really love their families & are terrified of hurting them but her knowing is a very important step in recovery! Mr Brightside's exit thread on the 2014 challenge is a very good summary!
You may find immense relief from having this dirty secret out in the open but the psychology behind this would probably suggest you are using gambling to escape! It's not a miracle cure I don't think as I don't imagine the urges will disappear completely & forever! Counselling may help to figure out what it is that you are trying to hide from & provide a better way to manage it!
I think your wife will need some time & help to come to terms with this! Maybe she could post on here, there are some great people on here that can answer her questions from the other side as well as CG's who will offer her support!
You can stop running scared now & telling the truth will come back to you along with your self respect once the fog starts lifting!
Time to look to the future - ODAAT
Everyone, thank you for your kind words.
Its great to know that I am not the only one. My wife has left with my daughter and gone to her Mother and Fathers who live close by. They are amazing and I have also lied to them which is not good. The sense of relief I have is amazing now knowing I dont have to lie however this is quickly replaced by fear and anxiety about the future.
I just hope we have a future once the dust has settled. I know (and so does she) that we both need time to get our heads around this.
Jae
In the house by myself for the first time ever. Pretty daunting. Realisation of everything is coming to light. How have I got into this mess??
Gambling is such a horrible illness to have. It takes your life and P****s it away!!
Of course. This is going to be some time apart I think which ultimately will be good for the both of us. I am determined to win her back and show that I can do this. But more importantly I want to do this for myself. No more lies and no more gambling. Change of routine.
I have just got a new job on Monday on a lot more money so I intend to focus on the new job and doing well as that will be the main thing to securing my financial future. A new start all round for everyone. In time maybe I can win her back but I need to deal with myself first and the destruction I have caused.
Jae
3 days gone by. Starting to get some sleep at nights and I have eaten for the first time last night. Realisation of the extent of the damage is coming to light. Feel terrible but positive at the same time.
Think it's part of the recovery process. I've had exactly the same feelings.
Keep up the good work.
Keep it up Jae. It gets easier as the days go by. All the best in your new job.
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