I can do this....

Oh darling I totally totally get everything you hve said. I relapsed this past week and have ruined everything again. I can’t sleep or eat because I’m constantly worrying. I think how quick it was to gamble all that money away and how many years it’s going to take me to pay the debts off all whilst along struggling every month now. I can honestly say it doesn’t matter how much you win you WILL gamble it all back again. Youl sit there and promise right if I make it to so and so amount I’ll withdraw and stop but no the bets get higher and suddenly you get that pain in your stomach because you know this is your last shot but boom you lose and it’s al gone. Iv done it so many times. I’m disgusted in myself. My mum has also bailed me out 2/3 times and I worked so hard in paying her off but due to my last relapse I’m now in debt with loans and I really don’t want to face my mum again. So I know exactly how you feel. But believe me you aren’t alone in this. It’s a sick sick illness that grips you and just doesn’t let go x

@rightrush thanku for your response how long have you been gambling for if u don't mind me asking.....

Your right the more u get the more u want the more you.lose the more you want it all back it's a very bad cycle but I'm ready to break it not saying its going to be easy far from it but I'm sick of doing this it's not fun it's torture 

@littlemix it started when I had an abusive relationship around 10 years ago (god that makes me feel sick saying out loud) I came clean to my mum and sister years after and they helped me so so much. Iv been clean of gambling a long time several times this last time I hadn’t gambled since 2019 but then just recently relapsed. 
I know my trigger though it’s when my depression gets bad I seek to gamble. It makes me feel better but then the long run like now destroys everything and makes me feel anything but better xx

Yes I get it mine is built on depression grief hurt and being sole destroyed it's an escape but a very costly one at that I use it to zone out but when I zone back in and have a reality check it's like s**t did I just do that are your family supportive may I ask x

@littlemix yep completely with you! It’s like another world when you are in and are secluded from all other feelings and thoughts. My mum and sister were amazing and probably would be again but I just feel like I can’t go back there for help, I don’t want them to be disappointed in with me again that Iv messed all my hard work up again! My mum has a lot of money so money isn’t the issue but I feel horrendous seeking help from her again for my own mistakes. I am trying to deal with this totally on my own this time hence why i have come on here for the first time ever x

Me too first time today although she did say she would gladly help me out again which I appreciate but it's time for me to adult time to.fimd myself I've lost over 12months of a my life on a virtual world that has got me into.my darkest moments tested the waters and put my finances to shame this is day one.not.going to say I'm.goimg to.be this upbeat everyday but I've made the step to make the stepping stones my.brother did this years ago I could never understood just be there but.now I totally 100percent get it although I never thought it would be me here today I get.how easy it.is and how easy it is to.lose yourself in a moment or in reality lose your life .....one.life live it but live it in a way u can be smile be happy and.not be an emotional wreck in the longterm x

Hi Little mix  . sorry to here you are struggling , you are correct if you win you are just as numb as when you lose , winning back losses [ give the same feeling as winning ]  because you deep down know you are in the grip of something .

@all-at-sea it is a very difficult cycle how long have u been gambling for if u don't mind me asking