Where to start my name is Rayner, i am 29 years old and I am an compulsive gambler. Ive not read through other peoples threads yet as i want to ensure i do this first. Here is alittle back ground info regarding myself.
I have a partner who would die for me and three beautiful children aged 4,4,and 5 i live in a beautiful 4 bedroom detached home which i work extremely hard for but my addiction is at the point now where it is going to destroy everything i have worked so hard for. I have a well balanced job but i feel that the income i have been earning (last year £63000) has blinded me from what truely is important in life. Money doesnt make you happier and the more you have the more you spend.
I feel like i suffer from major depression and this with working 60-70 hours 7/7 days a week has seen my self lose control and gambling has been that escape for half a day, or a couple of hours. My issue isnt gambling everyday i can go 2-3weeks/months without a bet but when i do i will blow thousands, im not talking a few hundred im talking £5-10k on a single roulette spin which i obviously do not have and was aided via credit cards.
Since my little boy was born we like most couples didnt plan things correctly and we sadly fell into the viscious circle of fianance deals and for the past 5 years we have just continued. We would get ourselves into breathing distance of the debt and then boom in one day i could lose 2-3 thousand and whatever is in my bank and we are 100 steps back. Why??? I dont know. Ive tried everything starting with self exclusion (they will always allow you in) but now ive sadly been resorting to online methods as depoists can be bigger and winnings larger.
I even had the oppurtunity to get out of this mess when i won £48000. The stupid idiot that i am actually withdrew it but i had to verify the account so they threw it back in my account. You can easily guess where it ended up. It was harder to post a scanned copy of my passport and a P*****g water bill to prove my address than it was to stop and not have one more spin. I am sick of letting people down, but my current state of mind i can not see any light at the end of the tunnel and I am willing to open my journey with similar people. Where we are (Barrow in furness) there is no Gamcare meetings there is very little.
I am scared for what i have brought to my family as i have now landed myself into roughly £45000 of debt via credit cards. I am doing this following my last bet dated 2.30pm 17/04/2017 losing £2500 the irony is I actually got up to £11000 just dont know when to say enough is enough and within 10 minutes its gone. My resources are now down, im all out and it is down to me to rise from the ashes. I need to do this for all those i have let down, I currently plan to get an IVA in place and returning materialist items such as car and moving to a smaller propery to value money more. Thankyou for your time and your feedback would be highly greatful. I wish you all the best of luck with your journey and i will check back tonight for feedback.
Let's stay on track together - great read and thanks for telling your story.
Raynerd i totally understand your thoughts and what your going through. i have also the same problem with gambling.
After gambling for the last god knows how many years, i realised i put first myself into stress and severe depression and also my partner, who doesnt deserve it one little bit. The problem is once you get yourself into the gambling circle its very very hard to stay away, its 100x worse than smoking, drink or drugs. For me its the worst method of addiction. You win a little, you think to yourself "okay" bit more... you keep going perhaps win a little more, lets say you take your winnings. You always go back next day thinking "i will get more" and then you lose all including besides what you won earlier. After youve lost all, you go into a corner of your own and get depressed and start feeling sorry for yourself. its self harm, no one else caused the problem but myself and every other gambler out there.There comes a time in your life where you seriously got to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, where am i going with this sort of lifestyle, the answer is obviously NOWHERE!
You can only go so much in your life with all the lies, running away from problems in life but eventually it will all come to bite you back one way or another. I had many arguments with my partner regarding gambling like i said earlier, its all my fault no one else's. I work crazy hours, getting up 4 am every morning. After each months pay, i s***k the money within few days and then relying on my partner to see me through till next payday.
Today was the last straw after losing again online, i decided somethings gotta give way and i need to seriously sort myself out and grow up. i hope this is the beggining of a new chapter and all those years of my life i wasted month after month i hope to put behind me and one day look back and say "i shouldn't have done it but hey, its never too late to achieve whatever you want in life".
Good luck to everyone else out there with the same issues and problems.
Hello,
Best thing you said is that money doesn't make you happy only your family will bring you happiness. So you don't want to lose they support.
Hi my friend,
A good read and yes money certainly does not bring you happiness.
I am compulsive like yourself and ended up making big bets in the thousands and never learnt my lesson. I'm in a lot of credit card debt but have free up a plan to get out of it by January 2019. During this time I will be posting here every day and reading every self help book I can get my hands on while devoting as much time as I can to my family.
f##k gambling...just keep telling yourself that.
Regards, John
Thanks for your comments.
I wish you all the best aswell
Hi Rayner.
Yes one of the most devastating things about the addiction is that it often takes a real rock bottom moment before action is taken to enter full recovery.
It took me 10 months after joining the forum and that is the power of the addiction working. It works in devious ways and it kidded me that I could handle it myself after reading the advice.
I will give you a line of truth in that you havent been fully ready to stop before now. A way in will always appear to an addicted mind
I realise now that the addiction mind control was so strong that I didnt want to stop even though I was saying I will stop now on the forum.
Please dont let this be you and act now. Dont let the binge gambling fool you that you are any way in control. The breaks between binges are no test of control. I used to fool myself that way
The other key point is that you must begin look at money in a new way. Your mental health is far more important than material possessions. I know that sounds cliched but there is no get it back later scheme linked to gambling.
You cant let money worry you ill but this is coupled with honesty with your family. I see you have a strong addiction and the addiction clouds/twists your view on life.
If you know whats important you must face this and not keep any secrets. are you ready for that?
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I too, have realised money doesn't make me happy. It simply makes me want to go out and lose it all.
My head is such a mess, I'm an addict, I just didn't realise and was stuck in denial.
I know what does make me happy... My gf and my kids.
And hopefully one day... Not thinking about those dreaded bookies.
If we start now, we have to accept the losses, it's not coming back, but we have our families and that's the most important thing.
Stay strong.
You will rise again mate
Dan.
Hi Rayner,
Would've replied earlier on your story, unfortunately found myself too busy with other stuff. Just wanted to let you know your story was very saddening to read and hit home to me, as I could really feel the misery gambling puts us in. I hope you're feeling a bit better and working on getting things back on track. I am myself still in some gambling haze as I've been through some rollercoaster in recent weeks, getting back somewhere in between however with a dreadful total loss due to gambling. Very difficult to let go. Well, that's it I guess, I wish you the best; take care.
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