Why do we do it?

Hi Cliffords-had-enough,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your personal perspective on the struggles you have faced with gambling. 

It's great you have found something that you can put into practice to help you stop gambling. If you need any further support, please know we are also available to help you on this journey. As well as supporting you via our helpline and web-chat service, we can also connect you to a treatment practitioner local to you who will also support you in exploring some strategies. For more information please have a look at our treatment offer page https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/ .

Please do keep posting on the forum.

We wish you all the best in your recovery.

Forum Admin

We do it because its a drug addiction and it does kill our bodies. It destroys our souls, generates further depression and suicidal thoughts.

It does kill people who can take no more of the wiped out feelings.

Its the least understood of the major addictions and I would say it works in more complex ways. I was playing to lose as a cry for help at one point...fathom that one out it wasnt about money or a winning feeling. I simply had to keep playing. Mostly I felt numb to it like a dependent drug addict whose real highs were ancient history. Win or lose were creating the same chemical feelings...fear.... butterflies.... hope.... desperation are all a rush of chemicals and I was hooked on all of them...an overload of feelings would trance me into a hypnotic state.

I wanted the ride whatever that may be...a temporary escape from anxiety and depression....problem being the come down caused more depression and anxiety. I still cant fully understand how I kept doing something that left me begging to borrow money for food

I think I wanted to self destruct but at the same time I didnt if you know what I mean...a crazy illness called a gambling addiction. Yes it is a subconscious deathwish in my view and a split mind disorder

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

For me  gambling definitely goes along with my other demons... Anxiety and Depression.  The A&D came first when I was very young,  I sought many unhealthy ways to deal with it and then finally rested with gambling. The think that kept me gambling was the ability to keep it secret. Partying and binging gets noticed and commented on, my gambling I do privately.  Even if I go to casino or a bingo hall with family and friends I play just as everyone else and barely touch the slots and instead enjoy the company... my troubles come when I'm at home or on my phone and noone can see... I definitely have a lot of shame about it.

The A&D make kicking the habit that bit harder because although I no longer delude myself that it makes anything better the demons in my head often tell me just to go ahead and do it anyway as I have little to live for, or I'm useless anyways so may as well...

I see a definite clear link between the two in my situation.  Any time I have quit the trigger for restarting has been some kind of mental health episode.  I recently had a baby and was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression  that ties in with my recent run of gambling.  I know in order to fully quit and be free I have to fight the bigger battle of my mental health but the gambling keeps making it worse, like a vicious cycle...

Hi Alkynat,

Mental health issues can play a huge part in addiction. Far too little is made of 'dual diagnosis'. Where one triggers the other, and they feed off the cycle...

I have noticed that my lottery ticket buying spiked when I was stressed or trying to deal with difficult situations...

The more the anxiety and depression flair up, the more appealing the gambling (the delusion of control, like self-harming), and the more you lose, the worse the anxiety gets...so you play more...etc...

And the shame and secrecy go hand in hand, the worse it gets, the more you try to hide it, until it explodes, like stuffing a bag with s**t 'til it bursts...

Talking about it, being honest, facing it, brings it out into the light and kills it...

That first step is the hardest, and the best thing anyone in addiction can do.

Take control by letting go of control. A hard thing to get ones head around...

Keep fighting...

Thanks Clifford, your definitely right about the dual diagnosis.  I have had many treatments for my A&D over the years but I never bit the bullet and told the docs about the gambling.  I'm not sure why, I have held that back tbh because I have even been open about self harm (physical) but could just never get passed the shame of the gambling.  It really has been my dirty little secret for many years till I was forced to confess to hubby last year amidst spiraling (hidden) debts. I dont think he fully comprehended the hold gambling has on me in my dark times as he now thinks it is kicked. I often try to start the conversation with him but it never comes out. I feel so embarrassed.  I even took out a loan and didn't suppress the mail on it so the letter would arrive and he would question me and then I'd confess, except the post came on a day he weren't home so I destroyed it... getting caught seems easier than just confessing outright...

That is false logic...  To do it and get caught , rather than just pin him down and admit it?

As you found out, you did it and didn't get caught! It would be funny if it wasn't so sad...  

Bite the bullet and make him listen, he might be having issues about it too... In denial, that you have done it again...not wanting to face it...

If you manage to stay off this time, maybe you won't need to tell him... But why take the risk?

Good luck...

Clifford its definitely a pathetic logic, I find starting difficult conversations (any of them) really difficult which is why I often get to complete crisis point before I get any help.  It's a bad way to live and very unhelpful and damaging but its something I've struggled to overcome... 

My plan so far is to tell him once I've paid off the loan on payday. It will leave me short but no shorter than I can be when I gamble my way through my wage. I think it be easier on him if he isn't stressing over yet another loan I have taken out.

I hope your plan works, but are you not just putting it off until....'the time is right'??

I met a couple in their 60's with no kids because they were waiting for the time to be right...

and the boat sailed without them on it...

I was going to quit when the time was right, after the big win, the next birthday, New Year, a double full moon, when the cows came home again....

Finally I realized that the time to fix an addiction is now. It is always now.  Not next year, not next month, not next week, not tomorrow....but now...

That is the scary bit...

Hope you get to that point...