Hi everyone
my story is so long I don’t want to bore everyone with it, but I am a 34 year old woman with a serious gambling addiction. I have a great husband and two wonderful children, and caring family and friends. I started gambling 5 years ago. You know how it goes.. I won a decent amount and then my addiction grew from there. The funny thing is back then I was so desperate to buy a house I decided to try gambling as a way to win some money to do this. It turns out now I am £35k in debt, owe my family money, and have ruined my credit rating beyond repair. I’ve done the the opposite of what I set out to do. I have turned into someone I don’t even recognise. I was rich beyond belief in the sense of who I have around me. I was never materialistic so I just don’t understand how this addiction got a grip. Someone who never borrowed money, someone who was honest and had dignity, it’s all gone, I feel like a monster. A liar, a cheat, a complete waste of space. Gambling addiction has made my anxiety and depression unbearable. I work two jobs and work very hard, yet every month everyone wonders why I am penniless, because my wages are gone in two days. I have registered with Gamstop, I have support around me, and I have just handed over control of my finances. I just feel I will never get out of this mess. I am a total train wreck.
Hi after reading your post i felf that i had to reply and tell you that your taking the right steps towards where you truly need to be ...
It ends when you stop gambling...
Time fixes most things...
There is an old saying 'When you find yourself in a hole you can't climb out of, stop digging...'
You have faced the demon, now kill it.
You are not a monster, just been the victim of a monster. it hasn't killed you, but it will if you don't leave it behind you.
It is ok to feel foolish, stupid even. Guilt and shame are inevitable, but they can be dealt with over time...
But how will you feel if you carry on??
Good luck and keep fighting...
Thank you
you speak a lot of sense. And you are completely correct. I’ve never had an addiction in my life and used to wonder just how people became addicts. I am a completely different person to what I was 5 years ago. I really want to beat this, but I know it’s going to have to be a conscious fight for the rest of my life with no quick fixes. I appreciate your reply and I am hoping along my journey I will be in a position one day to help others.
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I second everything that Clifford says, also I never even thought about gambling until a friend mentioned a win online, I thought I would have a go and win a few pounds....this triggered years of being stuck in a miserable cycle. You've made the decision to stop which is step one on the GF road. Be kind to yourself, it honestly can happen to anyone, take care S:)
Dear Makeorbreak81,
Well done on making your first post here, signing up to GamStop and handing your finances over to someone you trust. It sounds as though you are putting the wheels in motion for real change. You are able to see how the gambling has affected you and your life and sharing this on the forum and receiving support will hopefully be of comfort. Small positive actions add up
I am concerned to hear that you are feeling low and you describe yourself in that way. Hopefully over time, you can strive towards re-building your self-esteem and confidence. This is the time to take good care of yourself, you really do matter. It is lovely to hear that you have a supportive husband, family and friends.
You describe that this situation has unfortunately made your anxiety and depression unbearable at the moment. I would gently urge you to see your GP again, as there might be something that he/she suggests which might make your situation more manageable.
If you have not already, please do feel free to have a one-to-one chat with an adviser on the Helpline 0808 8020 133 or Netline, so we can give you extra support as you move forward. We are non-judgemental and always happy to listen. We can also look for free treatment in your area should you feel the need for weekly structured support.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
.....Also, Makeorbreak81, you are working incredibly hard...perhaps look at some of the changes that can be made in terms of you having more of a balanced home and work life...
Best wishes,
Forum Admin
I felt exactly the same , one thing which changed my outlook on gambling was Alan Carr's book , a must read or listen for any recovering gambler
Thank you so much to everyone for your input. I am so grateful you replied and gave me advice. @forumadmin I appreciate your support no end. I know the blocks I have to put in place I just don't trust my own mind. I have learnt from trying to stop numerous occasions that the real me deep inside wants to stop and can be very motivated, then it’s like my mind and body is taken over by someone else and I can’t control it. That it the depth of addiction I suppose. I wish you all so much luck on your individual journeys, and I hope I can be of help to any of you along this road.
Hi
It ends when you completely surrender to a born again moment.
It ends when you are truly ready to do the cold turkey.
It ends when you are totally open and honest
It ends when you are not scared of the terms drug addiction and mental illness.
It ends when you have the serenity to hand financial control to your loved ones.
It ends when you realise the blocks needed are nothing compared to the ruination of your life
It ends when you realise there is no shame in talking about it to loved ones, forum and gamblers anonymous members
It ends when you realise you can never be complacent again for the rest of your life.
It ends when you realise who you are and why you were ever susceptible to it
It ends when you truly are at peace with yourself.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thank you joydivider all very true, and all very wise words. I have put all the blocks in place but I really think I need to get to the bottom of this addiction. Blocks I guess are a good starting point, but I know they are not a ‘cure’. Not that I believe there is a cure!, but I think if I can at least understand this addiction (which I believe is highly linked to my mental health issues) then I will be able to overcome it better
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