I have not spent any money on gambling which feels great, however I have since had access to my Brothers betting account. Although it has no money in it I have been using the free spins and free bets that are on there and that makes me want to gamble for real with money. I find my will power to stay fully away from gambling hard and after Last night I decided to install gamban on the device which I accessed the account on and also closed his account for 30 days. I have talks with a gambling service that says what I have done so far is good and even though I used the free bets it's about damage limitations and control, but I find the urges hard to fight and than my actions from the urges lead to all sorts of odd behaviour and emotions. When I get triggered and get the urge I'm battling with myself in my head it's like a magnet drawing me in to destruction. So for now I have plenty of measures in place and have not spent any money in over 2 weeks I just need to get the other little bits sorted and have the will power to fight this.
Nathan.
Hello Nathan,
Thank you for sharing your recent experience on the Forum,
Well done for not spending any money on gambling for the past two weeks. Indeed, even free bets have the potential to maintain a certain level of ‘urge to gamble’. Perhaps as this keeps it in your recent short-term memories and not back with the long-term memories. You can work towards stopping these free bets too by closing any avenues with friends and family and tightening down blocks and strategies. In the meantime, some practise with ‘urge-surfing’ (a mindfulness technique for unwanted feelings) may be beneficial.
Try to see the free bets (the ones that have already happened) not as a set-back but as a transition period which you will now complete successfully by stopping them. Improving our self-esteem and confidence a little each day may help with the self-destructive and ‘out of control’ feelings. This may be self-improvement through learning something new or volunteering to help others which often feels good. It could even be accepting compliments with a “thank you” where ordinarily you may be discounting them.
Hopefully you will have some peer responses soon (you may prefer as this is not your first post to keep a more continuous online recovery diary in our Forum 'Diaries' section rather than using the ‘New Member Intro’ section).
Best Wishes,
Louise
Forum Admin
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