Worse than ever

Hi Scotchegg11 and welcome.

What you can expect from this is a forum you can use for advice and guidance. A forum where you can release your tension and cry out your thoughts

Crucially it shows that you are not alone in your addiction thoughts and fears. We have been there. We are there so we understand what you are going through.

You can break the cycle of repeat behaviour and you can recover from this.

Discuss what you want from the forum. You can use the chatroom. Its not always easy because you will be facing reality having been an addict

You will get tried and trusted advice.. your family or people you trust should know because there is ultimately no shame in admitting this got to you.

It takes a born again moment...why would you want to feel so alone with it...secrets are no good for you so you need to build up to a moment of relief

There is a serenity in recovery. Are you ready for a full recovery?

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Yes.. Me too a secret gambler... I pit it down to my star sign of sagittarius.. Secret sagittarians.. But lest not jest.. Its serious stuff.. I to joined this forum.. And Igo  into chat.. It helps massively.. I write diary on waking.. Remember to err is to be human.. To be perfect is to be divine .. the statement makes sense to me and helps.. Take these small steps each day.. Go at your own pace and speed.. Pick up along the way some wisdom from here.. I find I can offload on here with my pseudonym and yes it's still secrecy but its a positive approach.. Have an easy day 

Thank you for the kind words , another bad night sleep.  Off and on this has blighted my entire adult life. I need to stop , at this moment I’m not sure I have the courage to tell my family .  What I do need to is get through today gamble free. Thanks again

Thank you . Wise words . 

After years of gambling, stealing from my family and lying, I came clean with them yesterday after chatting with gamcare. I came to the conclusion that the worst that could happen is that I was booted out, left to deal with this on my own but at least they wouldn't have to suffer the consequences any more.

Today I have woken up with hope. My family have not walked away from me but they do expect me to get professional help which I am definitely going to do.

It is hard to explain how I feel better for telling them how horrendously I have behaved but I do. 

That is very brave of you .  Problem is I’ve come clean before . To my first wife a number of times and my second one just the once . I promised that I wouldn’t get into this mess again , she was shocked and really upset . Not sure she would understand me doing the same again .  I must give it some serious thought . The positive is i have locked myself out of the only betting site I still had access too . Today has been gamble free, need to add another tomorrow .  Thanks for taking time to respond . 

The guilt and shame and regret can be crippling IF you let them...

But the damage isn't untold...because you told it and survived...

If you owned up to a lifetime of serial killing, that would be pretty bad.

We do hurt and upset people, but most of the damage is what we do to ourselves...

And you would be amazed what a few years clean can do for self esteem...

Not only do I now try and help others who are struggling with addictions, but am a reverse role model for my kids.

I am an example of how they should NOT live their lives...

And it seems to be working...

Good luck...

Thank you . As the years have gone on the self loathing has increased big style . The delusions that A big win will set me on a good run still get my heart racing . Otherwise I have a good job , drive a nice car etc but for some reason this self destructive behaviour just keeps happening . It is actually worse than it has been for 30 years . As the years go on the amounts increase it becomes harder to hide and becomes harder to recover from .  

What big win is this then scotch egg? Talk it through " set you on a good run" is all gamblers talk..gamblers banter of a mind under the control of a dopamine fueled illness

You need to counter these delusions by facing  and writing down what you have lost if its not too painful.

An income scheme is not what they have set up...they would be out of business fast

Ive seen countless people say they have a good job and car but this addiction ruins people that it hooks. It affects people from all walks of life. Some people have gambled away tens of millions ...more money than we can dream of because the illness is not ultimately about money. 

The money is never enough...nobody is offering you life changing odds on Man U vs the grannies 11....if they were I would give up work. Einstein said there is absolutely no system on roulette...get the picture

I dont know enough about how you gamble. You need the reality checks of counselling away from a gambling environment

Tell more people and start the recovery process

Best wishes

Yeah I know that is all absolutely true and I am well and truly heading to ruin . I need to counter these thoughts as absolutely know they are dilusional 

I hope that your day is going well scotch egg.  I should have said in my previous response that this is the third time that I have rocked my family's world by coming clean about the mess that I am in and what I have done to them.  I did not expect them to stand by me again but they are at the moment. I know there will not be another chance so I have to take this one. When I told them it was clear that they already knew something serious was wrong.  Seems I could hide  the act of gambling but not its impact.

I wish you all the best