“I” will never have money again

Hi Dmpowell,

I am in the same situation as you. I no longer have any access to money; only precisely what I need or 'pocket' money of a few quid. I no longer have bank cards. My wife has my bankcard (it's cut in two) and she has the joint account card (I don't have mine). I do not have any pin numbers. If I need cash, she withdraws it for me. If I need to buy stuff on-line, e.g. Amazon, I can use my card that's cut in two. She monitors my bank statements.

I'm taking my son out into town today; he will go into the local Playcentre. I will have £20 on me to cover the rail, play centre charge and eats. I will provide evidence (receipts) for all three.

When working locally, I have £5 to spend on lunch (my daily 'treat').

For emergencies, my mum is my backstop and I can phone her for cash (which I immediately bank transfer back).

Even after 300 days gambling free, I have to keep this up. Forever. My form of recovery is day-to-day abstinence - forever. I do not trust myself not to gamble again - it's far too engrained and so easy to do - so this is the way that works for me. I'm not being defeastic, I'm being realistic and brutally pragmatic. As you've written, this is the stark reality.

I hope my ideas help you. Happy to talk about this in more detail; it's good you're thinking on these lines, the most important thing is that you cover any gaps. Because gamblers are very very sneaky and will find gaps.

All the best

Mixer

Hi Dmpowell81

If you are in the right frame of mind and ready you should feel some relief that somebody is protecting the cash for you. What good was money doing you while you were addicted to gambling.

It does work longer term when you have your own monitoring and systems depending on your daily schedule.

Its is to save you and not to punish you. Its simply part of the reality check that you have been gambling for 20 years and your relationship with money has been twisted to put it mildly.

It doesnt mean that you will go without and its not about being treated like a baby. The money will be there and if you need a shirt or a gadget its a good process to justify that purchase. It builds your pride and its something that you can do to show you are serious after the damage and misery that gambling causes

I feel one of the hardest things to deal with is that we can never be complacent and it may always be within us to some extent. However that is not to say that you wont heal and the urges do fade away.

You will feel a sense of pride that the bills are covered and you are starting to see the value of money again. There is good advice in the posts above about daily allowances so it will be obvious if you are even thinking about gambling.

That is a good thing because gambling was killing me. I dont want to go back there...do you?

Keep talking about it with your partner. Larger amounts of cash in your pocket is not a good idea because the addiction comes out of the blue. Any feeling of being slightly flush is no good for you so its all best that your partner holds the money while you heal

You will feel confused at the moment because a gambling addiction is just as powerful as any substance addiction. You need to be crystal clear that there is no room for half measures in dealing with this.

Together with self exclusions, a cash block is essential for a good recovery.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi joydivider,

Thank you so much for replying to my post, yep my addiction has been with me from childhood really(12yrs of age). This is my longest period of absence to my knowledge. Sad when you think about it, I will be 37 soon. I think it’s a blessing that it’s all come out in the open, I’ve hid this secret from everyone, 3 previous relationships, my parents and all of my family throughout this time. Sadly my mam is no longer with us, she would have supported me though if I’d come clean back then. At this point in time we are not in the position to have plenty of spare cash( thankfully!) as my other half is in her second year doing mental health nursing. All the money that I’ve wasted would have come in handy right about now but I cannot dwell about it, as long as everything is paid and I transfer the rest to her then I simply cannot fail. In the blur of addiction (to any drug/substance/gambling) when you know that you’ve had enough then you try to look for a way out, you tick all the t’s and dot all the i’s to plan your escape route, for the last 10 years I would say I’ve been thinking this way, same with cigarettes, she caught me though and the way it’s all planned out then I couldn’t have wished for any better. The point I’m trying to make is that however hard you think it might be coming clean then your probably multiplying it by 10 in your head. I’ve faced the fact that I probably will never have money in my bank account, as wee speak my balance is exactly 0p but I’m happier now than ever, my Mrs is holding well!!! I’m sitting downstairs now, actually watching tv watching something that I want to see, apart from writing this, 8 weeks ago I would have still been gambling, I will reach 1 year and I will go further. Sorry to rabble on!!!

Much love, Daniel

*panned*