2014 Challenge

Thanks for the lovely comments.. You are inspirational

I just never thought I'd be back in the black hole again 🙁

Glads dad

Checking in on day 206.

Happy days. No thoughts at all. All i feel is disgust for the gambling industry. It turns my stomach every time i see an advert or a bookies.

Steve

Checking in on day 159. I do get some thoughts about it, but i keep a few reminders in my wallet of what i would be missing if i did gamble. The potential losses far outway any wins. Keep strong people and have a good Sunday.

Good morning everyone!

At last, a Sunday morning update and I’m back on track with what day of the week it is, as well as sleeping patterns etc! My hat off to any of you who regularly do a night shift! (POST UPDATE NOTE: I’ve written the full update and have come back to this point in it to issue a warning…….it’s a long one! Sorry!)

It’s been a topsy turvy week for the group with some brilliant posts and reasons to believe, but balanced out with the stark reality that stopping gambling has no “end date” and that the difficulties will remain with us for a long time, if not for the rest of our lives. There is positivity to take from that though………I’ll come onto that later in the update.

In the update this week I’ll cover off the headlines, the milestones that some of our team celebrated in the week just past as well as the ones that will be celebrated in the next 7 days, the Roll of Honour will feature and I’m also going to write a couple of paragraphs that will hopefully prompt some activity in a few of the team that may help maintain focus as we approach the end of the year. I’m also going to chat a bit about blips and slips………..and my own reflection about the change I made to the Roll of Honour last week!

I’ll start though with a bit of provocation that comes from the time of the year we find ourselves at and the risks I believe that comes with it - consider it a watch out and maybe based on where I found myself this time last year………….a place where I will never go back to!

So we’re in mid October and if my math is correct it will be Christmas Day 10 weeks on Thursday. This time last year I was in the middle of the biggest gambling binge I’d ever experienced, with more than a thousand pounds a week being added to my debt as I fed online machines and bookies pockets with someone else’s money. With Christmas approaching I began to panic about how I would pay for presents and nights out etc. and upped the ante to try and recoup the losses - you all know how that ended……..with me being here and it being the worst Christmas (but in a way the best!) that I’ve ever had.

Our volume survey tells us that financial worry is potentially the primary or secondary driver that fuels our want to gamble - “just one big win will sort me out” is no doubt something that some, if not most, of us have thought at one point or another. Our addiction is one thing, but I believe there is an almost “logical” level to it i.e. there is a big financial driver - it’s really the “illogical logical” level - we know what the outcome will be yet we pursue it anyway. Some would say that the financial driver is greed - I’m not so sure and the longer I am gamble free, the more I become convinced it’s not greed. I would counter the argument and say that it’s loss recovery - we gamble, we lose, we want to recover………even hitting that zero point………the point where there is no gain, but no loss is a position I found myself in regularly. The danger is though that the addiction kicks in even harder ………and even at the zero point we have “just one more”.

In the approach to Christmas my provocation for the group is to remember the “illogical logic” if the temptation presents itself to “gain” a quick fix financially. Build the guarding walls just that little bit higher, ring fence your money, accept your debt and know that for every day you do not gamble it will reduce…………..and that Christmas is a huge risk for us all in staying on track. I remember clearly thinking that I would be letting my family down by not buying the gifts I thought they expected from me…….when in actual fact, in a pursuit of the quick fix, it was my gambling, my zoned out distance from them and the longer term harm I was doing that was ultimately the thing that was letting them down.

Christmas for me this year will be tight again. My family understand this and thankfully accept that it is a bi product of my addiction. I am absolutely determined that this will be the last time I have the conversation with them about the affordability of Christmas and what not to expect, rather than what to expect. However, the response? “The best gift you can give me/us is to stay clean from gambling and continue being the new you we’ve seen over the last few months”. It’s a sobering thought and one that I wonder how many of us should be using as a driver to bless our families (whether they know it or not) over this festive period. In the run up to Christmas we all have choices - continue to bless our families with a gamble free existence……….or head down a track that seeks to fund presents and material items that are of far less value…………….

OK, thanks for humouring me with that mini monologue! Onto the update for this week……….

Headlines for the Week

We began the week with a total of 30 soldiers and have ended the week with one more than that number. The make-up of the 31 has shifted though with 4 of last weeks soldiers not making it back to base, but being replaced by a different 5 who hadn’t made it back the week before. It means our retention for the week is 87%. Each of the 31 soldiers will carry a record high of 153 days each into the new week. The current group as a collective have been gamble free for a total of 12.5 years while the overall challenge and all the members that have come through it have delivered more than 30 years of gamble free life. It’d be so nice to move away from the “30” number and head back towards the 40’s, but we still have a very strong core in the group - this is the solid foundation for new members to come and stand on to gain strength from……..but our collective strength is required for one another too!

Blips and Slips………..

I wanted to write a few lines on this to put into perspective how blips and slips are part of recovery. To be clear, I’m not advocating you go and try it and I’m certainly not suggesting that blips are a good thing……..I just want to provide some statistics and offer some thoughts on it in support of soldiers who have found themselves there and especially to Gladsdad this week.

I wrote a few months back about an “addiction circle” and described the various theoretical stages that we go through when in recovery - you may remember it? Stages of pre-contemplation, contemplation, planning, action and maintenance where the key areas I covered. Once in the circle, you only come out of it when the addiction has ended or because there’s been a lapse or a relapse. If it’s the latter, then something hasn’t worked in the maintenance stage. The key thing here is that you analyse what that was……what were the triggers that led you back to the addictive behaviours and thinking that ultimately you acted upon them.

Experts will tell you that to break an addiction and find a new reality it will take us a number of iterations of going through the “circle” until we find a sweet spot that works and the addiction is conquered, or in our case (and that of addicts of other things) it can be controlled.

My point? A blip is not a good thing, but as long as the drivers for it are understood and acted upon, neither is it a bad thing. It is a part of recovery.

Gladsdad - try not to beat yourself up too much, but use your energy to understand the triggers (maybe a release from the tough times?) and accept the blip but that it represents a stage of the journey. It could be one of the most important learnings in your long term recovery. You are a key member of this group and when you hurt, we hurt.

Stephen2105 - It was great to see you posting in support of Gladsdad - thanks. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been watching your posts and am just thrilled to see where you are getting yourself to. What you are doing seems to be working for you - just remember that you are welcome here any time and congratulations on the half century!

30% of our current group have had blips and between them are now over 400 days collectively in recovery once again. The power of this challenge is that we accept blips, support each other through them and most importantly have created an environment where soldiers can come back, gain strength from the group and begin again. Don’t let this be a licence though to go and gamble though!

Milestones Celebrated and to be Celebrated……….

Congratulations to the following soldiers who have all had milestones in the last week:-

Del79 continues to lead the way and has reached yet another first milestone for the group - 60 weeks is just an amazing achievement! Congratulations mate!

Happy Days has hit the triple century and is now just 2 months away from celebrating a full year without gambling! Brilliant going Mike!

Triangle has broken through the 30 week milestone - well over the half year now tri. Thanks for all the effort you put into this challenge, you’re such a key member!

Delboygolf has reached the double century and looks forward to another milestone in the coming week! A huge well done to the most reliable “check in’er” of the group!

D70……welcome back this week D70 and congratulations on reaching your 20 week mark - keep doing the things you are doing and you’ll be over 6 months by the end of the year! Woop woop!

Ccw95…..great to see you back at base camp ccw and to see you marching with us through 10 weeks of recovery - seems to have flown by. I recognise how difficult it’s been for you in the full time of your gamble free recovery - you’re doing so well given the circumstances….keep it up.

CannaeWin has broken through the 50 days mark this week and the half century is in the bag! Don’t be gutted CW about what happened through the week……..be elated that you stopped what you were doing and be proud that you had the strength to recognise what you were about to do……but never! It’s an amazing achievement………these things happen, but your commitment to your recovery and this challenge won through!

…….and onto the Milestones to be Celebrated this Week

Celebrations coming up are for………

duncanmac will reach 50 weeks of gamble free life this week…….on the back of his 40th birthday celebrations this week (Happy Birthday duncs!), duncs becomes only the 2nd person ever in the challenge to reach the 50 week marker…….by the end of the month we will be celebrating another one of our fellow soldiers who hit the year!! Can’t wait fella!

Delboygolf (30 weeks), John64 and mjc1974 (both 20 weeks), markieb10 (quarter of a year!) and mileend (10 weeks) will all celebrate this week too! Congratulations everyone!

The Roll of Honour……….

OK, so I’ve reverted back to the “old list” - just random and based on where and when people have featured in the Challenge (duncs came in early to do a spotlight hence his position!). I’ve reverted back following conversation with Mama B and the potential the way I’d done it last week could potentially lead to soldiers feeling like Gladsdad did this week i.e. “to the bottom of the pile”. So, here’s the Roll of Honour…….

Name Clean Days

bornagain 35

Happy Days 304

lostafortune 219

Mr Brightside 308

Del79 426

duncanmac 346

rst94togo 27

Hitthefan 253

Baggins 224

ToBeOrNot 233

triangle 213

Scambling 309

delboygolf 206

Gladsdad 1

Pinky333 118

help2604 159

Mo 24

julio 221

Chirst21 22

John64 135

D70 141

Mileend 63

Wolf57 129

Elfie17 111

SuzyLemon 122

markieb10 90

mjc1974 138

ccw95 73

CannaeWin 56

Dot83 23

AndyJ 26

Drum roll………total days free of gambling since the Challenge began……….

11238 Days = 0.5619 million GBP in our pockets………………..0 GBP in the bookies!!!

Visualising the Future…….Creating a Roadmap for Success…….

As a final word, I wanted to drop a couple of paragraphs in about visualising the future - essentially standing in the future and painting a vivid picture of how you want the world to look.

None of us would ever plan a holiday by packing a bag and pitching up at the airport, getting the first flight we could and then finding a hostel or hotel wherever we landed would we? Typically we’d research locations, hotels, read reviews and paint a picture in our own minds about how we would want the holiday to look. As soon as that was done you would know your destination - so you know where you live, you know where you want to go and then you begin the task of plotting a route map as to how to get there.

Do you do that as far as life is concerned? One of the biggest risks of recovery is that there isn’t actually a knowledge about where you want it to take you. Could you vividly describe where you want to be in 6 or 12 months time? If not, then you should challenge yourself to do this. Take yourself into a quiet place, with a pen and a bit of paper…….close your eyes and imagine yourself at a point in time in the future……not too far away - maybe 6 months, 12 months or even at a significant milestone date in your recovery. Have a really good look around yourself at that point in the future and start deciding what you want the world to look like - you could cover things like family, relationships, partners, work, finances, holidays, how you feel, how you look etc. Write them all down and even better, create a “vision board” that you can see every day that is a reminder as to what you are aiming for.

In doing this, you will have determined your destination……….and you already know where you are today. The thing it will help you do is to create the map as to how you will get there - what changes do you need to make, what plans need to be put in place, what budgets need to be made etc.

It may sound a bit cuckoo…….but it works. Knowing what individual success looks like in the ambiguous world of recovery is really important - to have goals, aims, ambitions and a purpose to all it helps us to keep going. It would be brilliant if anyone decides to do this and would share it with the group - it’s really inspirational for self and others!

OK, so that’s the update for this week - a bumper! Lots of words, reflections and a few provocations - good to get a few things out there and hope it helps even one of you in your recovery.

Have a great gamble free week everyone, stay strong, be here for each other and paint that wonderful picture of what your life is going to look like in a point in your future!

Mr Brightside

Checking in on day 206.

Happy days. No thoughts at all. All i feel is disgust for the gambling industry. It turns my stomach every time i see an advert or a bookies.

Steve

thanks for your hard work Mr B

very much appreciated from this soldier

checking in today

I'm feeling positive happy but unlike delboygolf i do have A LOT of thoughts

Yet i'm here, i'm putting the hard graft into my recovery and you know what life aint half bad in recovery

It would suck a lot more if i was gambling

thanks tri

Great update again. Checking in 27 days free and feeling good.

Checking In Day 122

All is well.

Suzy

Checking in for the week, still bet free with no thoughts of gambling. Been one of the toughest few days I've experienced. My grans condition has changed drastically and we where all called for on Friday to get to the hospice. Been tough but got to stay strong as I promised her that I wouldn't go back gambling.

Hi all - Checking in gamble free on day 26! Really starting to see progress seeing the number of days slowly collating into a significant sum. I've noticed I've become a lot more even and less rash with my behaviour patterns. Struggled at the start of the week and feel lonely being so far away from my family on my work placement but hey these things happen. I feel blessed on the other hand and looking forward to the future working as hard as I possibly can.

Started to save from the recent pay check received which is always great as I managed to treat my family to a meal out when I was back which was really satisfying. Hope you're all well and striving forward to another successful and gamble free week.

Take care all,

Andy

Another great inspirational update Mr B. Checking in for this week still gamble free. Be strong everyone when those urges mess with your head.

Mo

checking in again day 214 i think?

nice to see the early trickle of check in's

keep it up soldiers

well done

tri

Great update Mr B. Well done for your 10k and I'm glad the challenge is back on track.

Also, congratulations on being the main instigator in costing the bookies over half a million this year 🙂 fantastic job!!!!

Checking in for the week GF!

Scambling

This is the lowest I have ever felt. Today as always I made a mistake, a mistake I have been making for around eight years now. I turned to gambling. Like I’ve always done, for that buzz, that escape from mundane life, because my self-esteem is low, because I’m in debt and wanted to reduce it even though I know full well it will only ever increase if I continue to gamble. I think I gamble because I’m stressed from too much uni work and the pressure of my new job. But deep down I’m an addict, I’m addicted to gambling. I’m a loser every single time I gamble. It’s said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results so right now I must be pretty insane or at least I feel that way. My anxiety is through the roof and my self esteem is shot to pieces.

I hate what I do to myself and putting myself through one crisis of gambling after another and all the sad feelings it has caused. I feel like crying, like giving up and just hiding away but I can’t I have to face this head on and come out the better side. I have stopped irregularly before but I’ve always found a way back I don’t know why, maybe I wasn’t ready to stop? Maybe I didn’t want to? I do know right now though that I financially I am close to the edge and emotionally I can’t let this continue.

Tonight I have accepted that I have a gambling problem, that I can’t carry on living my life this way and that as dark as things are tonight, there is always hope that things can better. I am ready to change, I am ready to tackle my debt and I want to change my life. I want to get better. I contacted netline for the first time tonight and they have helped suggest a few things such as stepchange, gamblers anonymous and counselling. I’m going to self exclude from local shops and seek as much help as I can get.

I hope you can all support me on my journey. My first evening of recovery. I hope you all don’t mind me posting this I’ve just seen how much you support each other.

Returning soldier. Evening 1 without gambling.

Hear hear tri - one full day of check in down and we're a third complete as far as soldiers back to base is concerned! It's good to see!

Not sure about being the main instigator Scambs but it sure feels good to know that between us all we've prevented a lot of money coming out of our accounts into theirs huh? Gerritrightupthem!!

Hope everyone has had a decent start to the week and thanks for the nice comments on the update - it's really appreciated. It's good to be back !

The cage is so far behind me I can't see it.......I'm not going back to that life now. There's not a day that goes by though that I don't think about gambling - it's still there. I have not beaten it, I will never beat it..........it's not to be beaten. It's to be managed, it's to be controlled and it's to be a reminder of the past........but no part of my future.

So I'm doing just fine........'cos I'm Mr Brightside!

Checking in for the week.