I remember when it all started. I had broken my foot and saw advert on tv! I was off work and super bored. At first I would play bingo and only gamble small amounts which was fun. But it quickly turned when I won xxxx on a scratch card online. This then lead to slots. I won a large amount of xxxx Paid off my car etc. That’s were it started winning that xxxx I think I put the other half back in. I would stay up for hours etc.Â
a year later - I was still gambling staying up late at night, I then got into my overdraft and couldn’t pay it back. I admitted to my mum and everything was back on plan again.Â
was prob half a year later and I started again. I was in denial.Â
i meet my partner 6 years ago, and couldn’t really afford my life style - we went to nice places etc. But during the mean time I got a loan, etc and was still gambling. I would win, but it would go back on to slots!Â
Turning my life around
We rent our own flat, and I wanted nothing more then to have a house and a baby! I’m 31 years old, hardly any savings. I took out 4 sperate loan thinking I could pay stuff off, but nope went into slots!! Even if I self excluded illd find away around it. I was at the end of the road. I had 3 cc, 4 loans in my overdraft and couldn’t sleep! Enough was enough I needed to tell someone no matter ho scared I was.Â
I sat on the sofa and told my fiancé everything, i felt ashamed, disgusted embarrassed! I didn’t want him thinking I didn’t want to have a house, babies with him! Every time he motioned it I would change the subject. I didn’t want him to leave me. He was upset, but his helping me he wants us to have the best life. I can’t tell you the relief I feel in telling him. In telling someone. I have nothing else now to hide, everything is open.Â
I can now sleep at night, have paid off my overdraft, cleared 2 cc within a month. I’m now working over time to clear all my debts. My fiancé has supported me, he now has control over my finances. But he trusts me, and gives me an allowance. I kick myself thinking why didn’t I tell him before.Â
I've learnt that gambling is a losing battle. I have an addictive personality. And gambling you never truly win! I wish they didn’t advertise it on TV. I remember that day time tv show! I wish I had never seen it. But it’s happened, I’m focused on changing my life. And excited to start a family and have a house.Â
My advice is to tell your loved ones ASAP, don't get loans, etc it’s to easy! And it doesn’t work. Be honest with people around you.Â
hope my story helps someone of you.Â
xxxx
Hello  Vanessa1234
Thank you for posting on our Forum. Well done for your honesty and reaching out for help to your Partner. Sharing your experience, strength and hope is part of Recovery from problem gambling. This enables others to identify, not feel so alone and encourages others to reach out.
Please continue sharing on the Forum as I am sure I speak for everyone, it will be good to know how your journey is going.
Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
My story sounds very similar to yours. Avoiding conversations about the future, gradually getting into more debt, barely sleeping or eating. Coming clean was the best thing that I ever did. It will take 5-10 years to fully clear my debts, but I'm a year in and each day things get slightly better, rather than slightly worse like they used to. Glad you have your life on track and hopefully people realise that there is a way to a better life. It's hard at fast and coming clean is very, very tough. But it's the only way to take control back.
Thank you for replying, coming on this site and seeing I’m not alone makes me feel better. It’s not easy - but your right every day is a day closer to achieving what we would like in life!! It’s frustrating I waited so long to tell my partner but I was ashamed and can’t go back on the past! I never thought it was a illness and tried to ignore it. It’s scary being honest - but it’s the only way anyone can get there life back on track! Well done for getting as far as you are ❤️I hope I continue to do the same and yourself we can do this!!!! I like coming on this site - people on here understand more! if you ever need a chat - I’m always here ? x
Thank you Amanda xÂ
Still gamble free - just thought illd write a update! Feeling super happy - things are going great so glad I told my partner ??
That’s the one thing I wish I could do. Tell my partner. My mum knows and other family/friends but not only the shame etc he isn’t one to understand anything and it worries me how he will react. He barely understands anxiety or depression and doesn’t know how to support me in that let alone this. My family and friends are so supportive but I really can’t see him being that way. He never has beenÂ
Still going strong .. I haven’t actually had the urge to spend! And coming up Christmas I can actually buy Christmas gifts without being in minus figures!Â
I feel hopeful, I hope this time next year I’ll be able to buy a house! I’ve focus all my attention on paying my credits off and focusing on saving and that dream of my own home ???
85 days gamble free!
Keeping a blog is really helping me - I’ve found a new lease of life!im starting to make a mark on paying off my debt! I feel hopeful and honestly only thought about gambling a handful of times. When I hear people talk about gambling i still get embarrassed. I will never forget how disappointed and disgusting I felt in my self when I told my fiancé. He has gave me back my debit card to my main bank today. I feel in control and grateful he trusts me! He hasn’t been checking my account all the time and we have goals a house and a holiday to save for!! For once I have some savings. It hasn’t been easy but this is the most I have every gone without giving in, and it’s 100 percent because my fiancé knows and I have support without that support illd be alone and no one to help keep me on track. At the end of the day it’s my life - and if I want a better life a mortgage etc I have to be true to myself.Â
what angers me more then anything is that gambling is allowed to be advertise to the extreme that’s it is! Yes they say be gamble aware - but it’s very dangerous if you have a addictive personality! And I’ve noticed it’s advertised everywhere!! It’s a shame because that’s the only time I’ve had a urge is when I see it on a tv advert!! Ive had a few urges - and searched in my web history prob 6 times - but I’ve not done anything about it and not signed up etc and spent money! It’s so nice not to be in my OD and not see any gambling transactions!! Nice to be able to sleep - not worrying about how I’m going to pay a direct debit!! ❤️❤️ I’m going to start my gambling therapy again online!Â
Can’t wait to see over 100 days then 200 etc ??????Â
Vanessa x
Hello Vanessa,
Very well done on reaching 85 days gamble free! And it sounds like you're building trust in your relationship as well as you now have access to your debit card and your partner is not checking your transactions as much. While you sound very resolved in your goals, this can be a risky time. What measures have you put in place to stop you being able to access gambling? If you haven't already, you can find information about self-exclusion and blocking software on our website. You can also ask your bank to block gambling transactions at their end.Â
It's great that you're planning to start online therapy. If you ever feel like you need any immediate support, you can call us on the GamCare helpline on 0808 8020 133 or by livechat. We're here 24/7.
Keep updating!
Best wishes,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hello
I am now 105 days gamble free! Hitting that 100 day mark was amazing! I am so so happy!!
the urge has gone, and starting to pay off debts it’s brilliant!Â
hopefully this time next year I’ll be sharing that I’m applying for a mortgage! Just gotta pay of my debts!Â
my fiancé is my rock and my diamond! Yes I’ve had to miss out on certain stuff but his helped me so much!Â
main thing I’m not living a lie - I have no secrets - I feel free! I feel happy, and I feel more myself then ever! ???
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