£7k down in a night

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate them.

Things have had a major upturn. I confessed everything to my parents and basically explained that I might have to go bankrupt. They have substantial savings so they have agreed to lend me approximately 60% of what I owe, so I can get my debt down substantially. I will have to pay them back but there is no interest and I don't have to pay a penny until I've paid my own debts first.

It's a massive milestone and I actually feel like I've turned a corner. They are doing a bank transfer tonight, it's taking a little while to get the money out of savings account and into current account for transfer. 

The other amazing news is my partner has agreed to meet me on neutral territory for a few drinks tonight in town. Just for a chat. Hopefully at last I'm back living my life again as the last week or so has just been a blur and a mess.

The day started to badly too as I stupidly had a daft bet on the Scottish cups and lost it, so I was so fed up. Now everything feels a bit better again 🙂

Thanks once more for everyone's support 

I hope they are paying the money somewhere you cant get it back again. You should be concerned that you were still stupidly gambling today after what has happened this month. Us gamblers are not ourselves when gambling temptation takes hold. Who knows what stupid things we might do tomorrow.

Good luck to you mate. I'm happy that things have taken an upturn in your life.

Life twists and turns doesn't it...

On that note, you know where we are if you need us in the future!

?

Good luck with everything!

Hi @Bananaz,

It feels as though forum members are willing you to stop, willing you to change, and getting frustrated when you continue to gamble. Some of the responses you're getting are quite strongly worded. We'd remind everyone to consider that @bananaz is earlier down the recovery road than many of you currently are and that none of us have the power to make anyone else change. If you find this stressful or frustrating it might be better not to read. 

@bananaz, the advice that others are giving here is coming from a good place, a place of experience. You may be feeling relieved that a large amount of your debt is being cleared. But we know from talking to thousands of gamblers and their families every year, that clearing the debt doesn't prevent you from continuing to gamble. Ask yourself what you can do differently this time to make sure that you don't end up in the same situation again. As ever, if you'd like to talk over your options, or would like us to arrange local 1:1 support to help you work towards your recovery goals, give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the NetLine.  

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Posted

Wiping out your debt is not the answer, the answer is stop gambling. Believe me you will ruin your mum and dad financially.

Gamcare, please give him some advice!

I could not agree anymore, and that’s for from my personal experience as I put in my post just above

my mum and dad have directly transferred me about £12500 over last 3-4 years to pay off gambling debts. 

I can guarantee you bananaz, as I know today you’ll have that great, positive forwarding thinking feeling. Being bailed out, this feeling doesn’t last and it brings pain to your parents. 

Im about 20k in debt currently, and I honestly, hand on heart would not take another penny off my parents. I feel like a complete fraud. 

In the long run. All your parents are doing, is fuelling your addiction, without knowing it.  Sorry for my words but I just hate to think people will do same to their parents as I have. 

Thanks all, thought provoking words. The money is in my account and first thing Monday morning before work I'm going to pay it into the debt. I really appreciate everyone's solid advice. I definitely won't be letting my parents down. 

My partner cancelled on me tonight so just having a few drinks on my own in the house reflecting on the last two weeks and where I went wrong. 

Hi Bananaz

keep strong and be the boss by doing the right thing with the situation you find yourself in at the current moment. 

The money that has been provided may feel like another chance however it could be gone again in a moment of madness to keep fuelling the fire of this horrible addiction we all keeping burning. Don’t put yourself on top of the bonfire.

there is only one winner out of this I hope it is going to be your good self 

best of luck to you on your journey   

I've been awake all night and just been in my bed, head spinning I've lost half the money they give me. Luckily I stopped before I lost the lot. It's a joke those casinos allow you to deposit such ridiculous amounts. I don't know who to blame now or where to go from here. 

The temptation is so strong to stick the lot on something but I'm not going to, I'm going to pay off the debts partially tomorrow with what's left then talk to my parents again. I'm strangely calm like it hasn't sunk in yet, like it's a dream. 

This is a forum setup for people who admit they have a stinking gambling addiction, who finally admit they are completely powerless over it and need people to help them in a step by step process on how to manage it.

Are you ready to accept you have a gambling addiction that is out of control?

Are you going to actually engage in dialogue with people on here this time? 

Are you willing to listen and actually implement the support offered?

Answer yes to the above, make a commitment to this by banking the rest of that money then report back and people (as always) will be here waiting for you to help.

You could help yourself this time by actually engaging in dialogue with people this time and implementing the steps and approaches people take time out of their day to offer you. 

The reason they take time out of their busy days to help you is because they know your pain and your delusion, even if you don't.

Wake up. Come back here looking for proper support. Engage with people this time. All is not lost.

And take care of yourself and bank the rest of that money for starters. People here are ready, willing and able to help you from that point onwards. 

Gambling has you licked, as it does the rest of us. Just accept it now. Time to be the better man now and throw in the towel.

I guess he hasn't accepted he is a gambling addict and everything that comes with that... 

What I found bizarre was that he did not engage with anyone on his diary once, did not implement any of the advice offered, but continued to thank every contributor on the diary for the support?

Bananaz - it's all a bit weird mate. Are you ashamed to admit you're an out of control gambling addict? Is that why you won't engage with any of us? 

See that chip on your shoulder? Dust it off from there and talk to us! You may find that we are not aliens and worlds apart from you like you are presuming! The sooner you engage with people on here the more chance you give yourself from here!

Hope you're ok anyway ?

Signalman and Smartie2 you are both so so right. Things went from bad to worse and I lost everything and more. It was terrible luck but guess that's irrelevant. 

My parents have gone berserk at me and are making me go to a GA meeting tomorrow, they've also told me I should go bankrupt and they won't give me another penny. I'm building up the confidence to phone Stepchange and to find a meeting, my parents will disown me if I don't. I'm not sure if the money I owe them can be paid back separately over ten years if I'm bankrupt. I have to speak to Stepchange and ask. 

The minimum payments are beyond what I can afford now. 

So now I'm in big trouble it's time to brush the chip off my shoulder and admit I have a major problem and need help. 

You are a compulsive gambler. Luck had nothing to do with it. We are compelled to lose all the money available to us. You already won your money back and then started gambling again. Not convinced you are taking ownership of your actions. Credit to you for documenting a horrendous few days in a forum post though.

Please do everything your family are advising. You are lucky to still have them for support. 

This has been quite difficult to read - like watching a slow motion car crash with all the irrational thought processes of a complusive gambler out on view for us to be reminded of. We have all had the same thoughts about chasing losses and hoping to escape the position we have put ourselves in but ultimately even if you did have some huge win, chances are you would lose it all again rather than pay off your debts. Its the way our minds are wired. 

You are in a horrible position now but there is nothing you can do about your past actions. You can however make the right decisions for the future. If you want to save your future relationship with your family (who obviously car about you a lot to have tried to help in the first place) and not put yourself in an even worse financial position (yes - it can get a lot worse) then you need to take the good advise you have been given on here and get some help - it is out there and only a telephone call away. 

Good luck. You are not alone but only you can start to turn this around. 

Muststop123

This was such a hard read. I'm sure it was even harder to go through- for all involved. I really hope you can come out the other end of this addiction and make amends to at least repay your parents and your partner. 

Yes it made for hard reading, I even lost sleep over your tumultuous fall from grace bananaz, such was the tenacity of your will to destroy yourself.

It was magnified by the fact that you just wouldn't listen to anyone that was on your side.

Anyway those people are still here, as promised.

Will you sign up to Gamstop asap? And relinquish financial controls ie hand your cards over to parents for now? Cash will have to be king in your world for a bit...

As for all this 'building up to' business again? You don't fool me mate... DO NOT buy yourself time to devise a scheme to obtain more money from somewhere and make some legendary recoup of all the lost funds (read muststops message again)

Read the next bit carefully...

ITS OVER.

YOU LOST.

THE MONEY IS GONE.

but it's ok. Once you start dealing with this addiction and get back on top of your life you will be a new man, a better man, and guess what, money may come your way again, and if it does, you won't be so attached to it.

As for now, you're in a mess but can be sorted out day by day.

Your parents are making you go to a GA meeting? You are building up to calling stepchange and finding a meeting?

Grow up mate. I think it's time to don't you?

This needs to come from you, not from duress.

Grow up, wake up, Gamstop, financial controls... It can get better from here believe it or not, you just need to work this properly now, not for them or their approval, for YOU.

Who knows, one day your character may be reformed to such an extent that you may even be able to get your girl back.

It could happen you know.

Bet again and youre finished my friend.

Best of luck.